Comment from Mike Battaglia

Excellent

Out of sixes, sir, so a home made one will have to suffice (******!!!)

My goosebumps have a signature all their own. When they break out, like thousands of tiny spider legs crawling up my arm, I know exactly who they belong to. These ones I'm feeling now belong to you, sir.

As a horror writer you obviously know that children are perhaps one of the most frightening subjects in the genre to write about, and you've handled it so well here. 500 words? No problem for you. You still get us.

One of the most frightening stories I have ever read in my entire life is called "The Small Assassin" by Ray Bradbury. It can be found in one of my all time favourite books: The October Country. This story made me think of that (and added to the goosebumps)

500 words, 5000... it doesn't matter with you. You use each word to it's full power. You are dark, devilish, manipulative, twisted, and I just love everything you put on paper, sir.

Well done (which goes without saying now...)

--Mike

 Comment Written 24-May-2014

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reply by the author on 24-May-2014

Thanks a bunch, Mike. And while the story was disqualified by the contest committee; that faceless, nameless entity which lurks in the shadows, watching our every move -- I was still very happy with the final outcome and support from fellow readers, just like yourself.

I appreciate the review, my friend.

Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

Hi Dean:)
A cleaver play on words. An easy trick on the imagination to create terror where real terror was nonexistent. Then again maybe being left to care for three small kids be become quite terrifying when the fecal matter hits the diaper and the smell hits the nose.

Very well done, but I guess rules are rules, Still I found a poem entered in a flash fiction contest where a rule clearly stated "no poetry' and yet it was not disqualified. Then again, after reading the entry, maybe the contest rules committee didn't bother considering it had no chance.

Roger

 Comment Written 18-May-2014

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reply by the author on 19-May-2014

That may be true, Rodger. This story was in the lead in voting when it was yanked by the committee, albeit only by a single vote. I haven't had much luck in anything other than horror prompts and contests since I have been a member here. And people always ask, "Why don't you try and write something funny, something lighthearted?" Well, now we both know why I don't.

Comment from Terrie DeGolier

Excellent

LOL I got a chuckle out of this story. I thought it was a baby sitting job when I first started reading it. Your little play on napping was cute but no matter what the committee says your entry should qualify, should be specific and precise on term Kidnapping lol thanks for the humor, Terrie

 Comment Written 18-May-2014

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reply by the author on 18-May-2014

Thanks a bunch, Terrie. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me about the story, and the disqualification. I felt pretty much the same as you did, but didn't protest it any. After all, what would have been the point? I wouldn't have gotten anywhere.

Thanks again, my friend!

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

Well Dean, when I saw in large red text that this was disqualified from the contest, thinking this is part of your entry, I began to think how will his imagination take him to, to be able to fit this into the prompt. Then I read that you were really disqualified, so I was right that your imagination did take you too far,

Well done
Good luck in the contest. opps forget that part.
Mary

 Comment Written 18-May-2014

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reply by the author on 18-May-2014

Ha ha, yep, in this instance, my imagination got the better of me, I suppose. Damn muse (I blame it all on him, LOL!)

Thanks for the review, Mary. As always, I do appreciate it.

Comment from Cajungirl

Excellent

Oh My Gosh, how sad that you got kicked out of the contest. i thought my story was going to get tossed out since my kidnapped victim was a teddy bear.

Your story is excellent. I enjoyed it very much.

 Comment Written 18-May-2014

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reply by the author on 18-May-2014

Thank you, Cajungirl. I'm glad to know that someone liked it at least, LOL. I appreciate the review!

reply by Cajungirl on 18-May-2014

you are very welcome.

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Yeah, maybe they were a little tough on you, especially since you made it seem like a real kidnapping or violent crime at first.

never mind, I got a good chuckle out of it and the committee have probably saved some other writers getting pissed at you....

Steve

 Comment Written 17-May-2014

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reply by the author on 18-May-2014

Yeah, I'm sure you are probably right, Steve. It's good to know that you enjoyed the story anyway, and you grasped the fact that there was an actual sort of kidnapping involved.

Thanks again for the review and comments.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

This looks like a clever take on the contest prompt to me. I guess it was deemed too clever.

You create the tension well with the building anxiety of the main character. You do great job of letting the reader put her/himself into the story since you do not reveal the gender of your character until the very end. The first time through I imagined a teenage girl hired to babysit right until the end. The story is even more humorous when it is read as the father having to spend an evening home alone with the kids while the mom goes out.

 Comment Written 17-May-2014

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reply by the author on 17-May-2014

Thanks, Debi, and I'm very glad you liked it. As always, I appreciate your opinions.

reply by w.j.debi on 17-May-2014

You are welcome. :)

Comment from DragonSkulls

Excellent

Lol. Well, that's bull crap that this got disqualified. Was this the original title, because you're letting us know right off the back it's not about kids getting kidnapped if so. Plus the pic tells the secret too. They've been getting pretty picky for following the rules lately. I had a nonet disqualified because I was tired when I wrote it and was short one syllable because I wrote "I'm" instead of "I am." I couldn't believe it. Well, for the injustice done to you I think for the next time they have a kidnapping contest I'll write a piece where all the children get murdered in the end and the kidnapper gets away, haha. Then finish the story like he's getting ready to kidnap some more, lol. Boy they'd love that, wouldn't they? Sorry to hear you got screwed, Dean. What can you do? Great little write, friend.

Later
Ron

 Comment Written 17-May-2014

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reply by the author on 17-May-2014

Hah, yeah, well... they did, DS... disqualify me, I mean. I was only trying to lighten the mood a bit, ya know? Unfortunately, the Contest Rules Committee, that faceless, nameless entity that prowls the contests looking for the slightest bit of ingenuity or originality, deemed it unworthy. Que sera, sera, and back to the drawing board, LOL...

Thanks for the encouraging support, my friend.