Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

This piece meets the criteria of the tanka poem as this piece does not exceed 31 syllables. Good alliteration with from/found...all/around. Good internal rhyming with found/around. Clear message that is short and simple.

 Comment Written 16-May-2014

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reply by the author on 16-May-2014

Thanks, RR, for your valued critique.

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

Another person's junk is another's treasure, right? I think you spoke this very well in your poem and it's so fun to see everything animals can build with the stuff we walk by everyday not thinking twice about

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Thanks, Meghan. Makes us realize the intelligence of other species.

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

I am not embarrassed to admit that I only became aware of the Japanese forms after joining this site! (So I can't judge on the rules of form)

I love what you've conveyed here - that it's all in the mind; we can be what we want to be/ nothing's wasted in life, even the ugliest, lowliest things.

Profound!

Best wishes for he contest, dear.


Love,

Sonali

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

THanks, Sonali. I had to do more research on each form that is listed on FS. Their explanations are simplified.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

perfect pairing of art and poem, which is in excellent syllable count for the tanka contest
effective choice of pivot line
good assonance in glide to a higher
I love the association you make between the bird's transformation of debris into home and the creative person's transformation of thought into creation
an inspiring message in good tank form
Brooke

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

What a great review. Thanks, Brooke.

Comment from elchupakabra

Excellent

I enjoyed this piece, particularly the metaphorical use of the bird and it's nest. Great work on this traditional tanka, I've not much to offer in the way of critiques, only to say you did a great job constructing this piece. Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Thanks for a wonderful and insightful review. Good to hear from you again.

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Dear Shari - a wonderful way to share the wisdom of this fact. I enjoyed your imagery, simple concept to guide the knowledge of ascension.
Great tanka and good luck.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Thanks, Maureen, for you insightful review.

Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Hi...Oh hey, so true... What a great way to put it...I like the gliding to a higher plane.
It is a thoughful poem, but light and happy and well...not preachy...

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Thanks, pad. A bit of meat to chew on there. LOL

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

Your tanka not only has a lovely natural image exposed in the nesting bird, but a real message of substance in the idea of how thought transformed creatively (bird-nest-new life) takes us to a higher plane of existence.

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Thanks m. You interpreted it as I intended.

Comment from Gloria ....

Exceptional

Very lovely tanka, Shari. The power of intention is built into all things even among those with bird brains. Of course I love how the bird takes off on a big glide in a higher plane when the nesting is all done. I do think I see my gold earrings in her nest though. Seriously! Look closely at that nest and you can see them.

I think you've captured the tanka form brilliantly. The pivot line linking the poem's two sections might just read transformation without the addition of the word seen, but that suggestion is more of a lateral move. Although transformation doesn't necessarily need to be observed with the eyes -- unless they're naked. ;-)

Exceptional tanka in my educated opinion and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. This IS a Winner!!!

Gloria

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Unfortunately, there's a syllable count in tanka so I can't take a word out of that line. I hope you're right about being a winner. Now I'm off to find your gold rings. Thank you so much for the fabulous six.
Shari xx

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

It is amazing to me how beautiful bird nests are...made from debris like you say...even hair....transformation seen
Well done.............
God bless.............

 Comment Written 14-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thanks, kiwi, for your encouraging response.