Wine, Women and Longing
A Sonnet35 total reviews
Comment from Dustybones
Very nice. What I like is this phrase- wine imbibed all night-Imbibbed- wow- I the word in the sense you've used it in connection with tasting hot sex or maybe that is overstated a bit. Cya Buddy!
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Very nice. What I like is this phrase- wine imbibed all night-Imbibbed- wow- I the word in the sense you've used it in connection with tasting hot sex or maybe that is overstated a bit. Cya Buddy!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
Comment from Diny
Now that's the way a sonnet should be written!- I just got done reading another and it was poorly crafted with forced rhymes and random thoughts... The sight seems to be going downhill... only those who promote more than a dollar are getting sufficient readings... sad. But so good to read you again David, the best poet I've ever known!- Write on Diny
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Now that's the way a sonnet should be written!- I just got done reading another and it was poorly crafted with forced rhymes and random thoughts... The sight seems to be going downhill... only those who promote more than a dollar are getting sufficient readings... sad. But so good to read you again David, the best poet I've ever known!- Write on Diny
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
Comment from emrpoems
Marillion I wonder if you muted because I expressed myself honestly. Some I don't like some I love why deprive me of the joy of reading poems like this one.
Sensuous but tasteful like your two last lines
Shakespeare would be proud of you and so am I
Great use of metaphor
Excellent consonance of P sounds
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Marillion I wonder if you muted because I expressed myself honestly. Some I don't like some I love why deprive me of the joy of reading poems like this one.
Sensuous but tasteful like your two last lines
Shakespeare would be proud of you and so am I
Great use of metaphor
Excellent consonance of P sounds
Comment Written 12-Jul-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
David, this is so lovely - I hope Dawn has thanked you appropriately! A very nice sonnet and the The Bard, I am sure, is pleased you emulate his work.
You have a flair for the romantic as well as the bawdy and present both your inimitable panache.
AT=/
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David, this is so lovely - I hope Dawn has thanked you appropriately! A very nice sonnet and the The Bard, I am sure, is pleased you emulate his work.
You have a flair for the romantic as well as the bawdy and present both your inimitable panache.
AT=/
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
Comment from Aiona
Shakespeare would be proud to see someone emulate him with this. :) Lots of allusion and metaphor, and isn't that what Shakespeare, bawdy as he was, was all about??? Love the sonnet. What a wonderful way to lose a bet!
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Shakespeare would be proud to see someone emulate him with this. :) Lots of allusion and metaphor, and isn't that what Shakespeare, bawdy as he was, was all about??? Love the sonnet. What a wonderful way to lose a bet!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
Comment from ScarletAfflictions
Ohhhhh I LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE this one!!!! I mean, can you hear the females in the crowd audibly PURR?! lol. You're so good at this, my friend!
I mean that ending. A girl could blush!
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Ohhhhh I LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE this one!!!! I mean, can you hear the females in the crowd audibly PURR?! lol. You're so good at this, my friend!
I mean that ending. A girl could blush!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2014
Comment from rama devi
Ah, I bet Dawn was wonderfully pleased! A real love sonnet from the Rogue's better twin...who has just as perfect mastery of meter, rhyme and subtle poetic nuances. Delicious to read aloud. Lovely and tender write. Love the subtle overtones of wit in the fourth line. Clever!
Sorry I missed this one. Have not been here much for the past month. Traveling and working. :)
NOTES
My love for you is best expressed in print
Because my lips forbid I speak it thus--
And so I bleed my heart in ink to hint
That I would change the you and I to us.
Great rhymes and assonance of I as well.
My love for you is simply complicated,
Much like a cask of wine imbibed all night-- (lol)
Adept at getting one inebriated
Until the blinding shafts of morning light. (potent line)
Clever rhyming here as well--highly unique. Good feminine end rhyme. Good consonance and alliteration of C sounds and consonance of B in blinding and inebriated as well.
But when consumed with care, it's rich and deep,
Exotically erotic -- purely pure--
Delicious, both in meaning and phrasing. Superb alliteration of C, E and P--and consonance of C too, in exotically erotic
Nice internal near rhyme:
A taste well-placed, and one to always keep
This line is not as refined as the rest--perhaps with the unnatural emphasis on THAT:
Within my reach, so that it may endure.
Here's an idea:
Within my reach, so it may then endure.
Superb closing couplet with (intentional or not) good double entendre:
If you'll become the wine I take in sips,
Then pour yourself -- I'll raise you to my lips.
Superb consonance of P sounds.
Almost a six.
Love,
rd
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Ah, I bet Dawn was wonderfully pleased! A real love sonnet from the Rogue's better twin...who has just as perfect mastery of meter, rhyme and subtle poetic nuances. Delicious to read aloud. Lovely and tender write. Love the subtle overtones of wit in the fourth line. Clever!
Sorry I missed this one. Have not been here much for the past month. Traveling and working. :)
NOTES
My love for you is best expressed in print
Because my lips forbid I speak it thus--
And so I bleed my heart in ink to hint
That I would change the you and I to us.
Great rhymes and assonance of I as well.
My love for you is simply complicated,
Much like a cask of wine imbibed all night-- (lol)
Adept at getting one inebriated
Until the blinding shafts of morning light. (potent line)
Clever rhyming here as well--highly unique. Good feminine end rhyme. Good consonance and alliteration of C sounds and consonance of B in blinding and inebriated as well.
But when consumed with care, it's rich and deep,
Exotically erotic -- purely pure--
Delicious, both in meaning and phrasing. Superb alliteration of C, E and P--and consonance of C too, in exotically erotic
Nice internal near rhyme:
A taste well-placed, and one to always keep
This line is not as refined as the rest--perhaps with the unnatural emphasis on THAT:
Within my reach, so that it may endure.
Here's an idea:
Within my reach, so it may then endure.
Superb closing couplet with (intentional or not) good double entendre:
If you'll become the wine I take in sips,
Then pour yourself -- I'll raise you to my lips.
Superb consonance of P sounds.
Almost a six.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 21-May-2014
Comment from 9999pool
As in many love sonnets, this one is love not requited. There is so much yearning and hoping in the heart to have one we wanted to love and kiss but somehow words got in the way.
We were left in limbo like a cat wanting to catch a swimming fish but afraid to get its paws wet.
Maybe, just maybe, one day, that cat will catch the fish - but not to eat it but to swim with it in the free ocean of love forever. Nice twist to the story as in most sonnets, smiles.
Greta write. Well penned.
Cheerio, best, Ritchie. :))
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As in many love sonnets, this one is love not requited. There is so much yearning and hoping in the heart to have one we wanted to love and kiss but somehow words got in the way.
We were left in limbo like a cat wanting to catch a swimming fish but afraid to get its paws wet.
Maybe, just maybe, one day, that cat will catch the fish - but not to eat it but to swim with it in the free ocean of love forever. Nice twist to the story as in most sonnets, smiles.
Greta write. Well penned.
Cheerio, best, Ritchie. :))
Comment Written 14-May-2014
Comment from michaelcahill
This transported me to a scene in a king's court with a bunch of suitors trying to win the hand of a beautiful princess. Acrobats and singers all trying to impress. Then you walk up and hand her a scroll to read. As you walk back to your place you look at the other suitors and say, "You never had a chance." I think while everyone is on watch for the Rogue that it is best they keep an eye out for YOU!!! Hahahah. Awesome piece. mikey
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This transported me to a scene in a king's court with a bunch of suitors trying to win the hand of a beautiful princess. Acrobats and singers all trying to impress. Then you walk up and hand her a scroll to read. As you walk back to your place you look at the other suitors and say, "You never had a chance." I think while everyone is on watch for the Rogue that it is best they keep an eye out for YOU!!! Hahahah. Awesome piece. mikey
Comment Written 04-May-2014
Comment from Bryana
Well David, you came back with a fabulous poem
dedicated to our Dawn of Tomorrow. I'm so happy
to see you no matter what you write, I know it's
going to be beautifully written like this poem as.
I know dawn is going to be very happy.
Have a fabulous week my friend.
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Well David, you came back with a fabulous poem
dedicated to our Dawn of Tomorrow. I'm so happy
to see you no matter what you write, I know it's
going to be beautifully written like this poem as.
I know dawn is going to be very happy.
Have a fabulous week my friend.
Comment Written 04-May-2014