Erica's Meltdown
flash--Fury27 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Interesting story with excellent characterization and dialogue. Erica comes from a family where the father Alex was controlling--he who wears the pants in the family. He dismisses Erica's meltdown as prompted by hormones. Alex sees to have his wife trained to jump to his commands. Erica's screams about putting down the toilet seat are surely her response to years of male domination, and she has had more than she can take. judi
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Interesting story with excellent characterization and dialogue. Erica comes from a family where the father Alex was controlling--he who wears the pants in the family. He dismisses Erica's meltdown as prompted by hormones. Alex sees to have his wife trained to jump to his commands. Erica's screams about putting down the toilet seat are surely her response to years of male domination, and she has had more than she can take. judi
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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The straw tat broke the camel's back. How few people recognize the fury! Thanks.
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You're very welcome. Story reminded me of my late father-in-law. judi
Comment from DALLAS01
You never fail to jolt me awake,even when feeling numb and dumb from lack of sleep. I got caught up in your menagerie of characters. Mom and dad didn't disappoint.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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You never fail to jolt me awake,even when feeling numb and dumb from lack of sleep. I got caught up in your menagerie of characters. Mom and dad didn't disappoint.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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This may be the beginning of something longer...someday. Started by seeing if U took take the prompt 'fury' and turn it into comedy.
Comment from Muffins
I realize Erica is the object of this story but you've created a great interest in the 50 year marriage of Alex & Sarah, as far as I'm concern. In just a short time, you have shown their relationship and how secretly Sarah wishes she had the strength to be more powerful.
The prose and dialogue of the story is sharp and flows extremely well. I just think Alex and Sarah are much more interesting. I hope you will do something with them in future piece.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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I realize Erica is the object of this story but you've created a great interest in the 50 year marriage of Alex & Sarah, as far as I'm concern. In just a short time, you have shown their relationship and how secretly Sarah wishes she had the strength to be more powerful.
The prose and dialogue of the story is sharp and flows extremely well. I just think Alex and Sarah are much more interesting. I hope you will do something with them in future piece.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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You're right. Erica got title billing primarily because she is the cause of this discussion and is absent. With a word budget as in this prompt, I wanted it to be clear from the outset what the crises was and let the other characters and family dynamics come out.
It would make a good start for a longer story focusing on Ales and Sarah.
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Alex and Sarah are juicy characters and they came to you for life!!
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I read this a couple of times, but didn't have time to review. I'm with Erica. I bloody laughed out loud, you nut. Love it.
Sheesh. I think the dog just farted.
Hey. Wothisnames at it again, methinks.
I'll message you later.
Love Av
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I read this a couple of times, but didn't have time to review. I'm with Erica. I bloody laughed out loud, you nut. Love it.
Sheesh. I think the dog just farted.
Hey. Wothisnames at it again, methinks.
I'll message you later.
Love Av
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I read something posted yesterday that made me want to choke it was sssooooooo bad.
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
I'm not sure, but it seems erica is going through the change of life. Maybe her hormones are out of sync; maybe the doctor has prescribed the wrong formula.
I think if these characters aim to drown their sorrows with the bottle, they're just giving them swimming lessonsk.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I'm not sure, but it seems erica is going through the change of life. Maybe her hormones are out of sync; maybe the doctor has prescribed the wrong formula.
I think if these characters aim to drown their sorrows with the bottle, they're just giving them swimming lessonsk.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I'm sorry, in this instance, putting down the toilet seat is a PET PEEVE of women. Her meltdown was just the last straw. Grandma reaching for the bottle was totally symbolic of the crap she'd put up with and might follow Erica's example and Alex was an overbearing man. The women readers got it and thought it was hysterical.
Comment from Nosha17
I guess the pressures of life can build up and freak certain people out, it can happen to anyone. You have made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and the dialogue was good. Enjoyable read and good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I guess the pressures of life can build up and freak certain people out, it can happen to anyone. You have made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and the dialogue was good. Enjoyable read and good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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It comes down to accumulated pressure and the straw that breaks the camel's back. Thanks.
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hahaha...that sentence.."Put down the goddamn toilet seat.."..I totally couldn't stop laughing..This is a highly interesting and humorous read..Thanks a lot!
Great Job..Good Luck and God Bless~!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Hahaha...that sentence.."Put down the goddamn toilet seat.."..I totally couldn't stop laughing..This is a highly interesting and humorous read..Thanks a lot!
Great Job..Good Luck and God Bless~!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
Thanks for all three wishes. I appreciate the read and am happy you got a chuckle.
Comment from comanalbert
I double checked that just to be able to write this review without being strangled from behind and I think I'll tape that seat just to be on the safe side. Better still, I'll go in the garden for the "light refreshments"
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I double checked that just to be able to write this review without being strangled from behind and I think I'll tape that seat just to be on the safe side. Better still, I'll go in the garden for the "light refreshments"
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Ironically, that's how I toilet trained my son--he's 39 now. But, he wouldn't go potty and we lived in the country. I told my rebellious 2 year-old that I didn't think he could hit the tree. Well he pissed on a fair number of trees and all went well until we went to town. Must I continue...
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Ingrid,
well you'd be happy to know although I might be just a tad opinionated, the toilet seat will never remain up anywhere I am... I couldn't stand the thought of all those nasties floating onto every surface after every flush... towels, toothbrushes etc... wonder why people get sick? Anyway seems I got caught on the end result of Erica's meltdown... but I can fully understand why after fifty years things may have come to a head... to tell you the truth, I can't believe that more women don't go off with the crap they have to endure... you see I grew up with two working parents and it was up to me to keep the house clean get everything prepared for dinner and so on after school... it seems I'm the only one out of four actually gave a damn... I must have got some of the female genes somehow... do you think taking evening primrose can do that?
Hope a few chauvinists are reading this and thinking... will I be next? and if not... maybe a sheet of cling-film stretched across the toilet seat may see them getting a wash for the night... much easier getting pissed that way... and cheaper.
Great write, pull a bit of your own frustration out with this one?
All the very best in this contest.
With our thoughts we create,
a way out,
James xx
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Hi Ingrid,
well you'd be happy to know although I might be just a tad opinionated, the toilet seat will never remain up anywhere I am... I couldn't stand the thought of all those nasties floating onto every surface after every flush... towels, toothbrushes etc... wonder why people get sick? Anyway seems I got caught on the end result of Erica's meltdown... but I can fully understand why after fifty years things may have come to a head... to tell you the truth, I can't believe that more women don't go off with the crap they have to endure... you see I grew up with two working parents and it was up to me to keep the house clean get everything prepared for dinner and so on after school... it seems I'm the only one out of four actually gave a damn... I must have got some of the female genes somehow... do you think taking evening primrose can do that?
Hope a few chauvinists are reading this and thinking... will I be next? and if not... maybe a sheet of cling-film stretched across the toilet seat may see them getting a wash for the night... much easier getting pissed that way... and cheaper.
Great write, pull a bit of your own frustration out with this one?
All the very best in this contest.
With our thoughts we create,
a way out,
James xx
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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I was actually trying to see if I could take a prompt like fury and turn it into comedy.
No men to share the facilities with so it bothers me not. My biggest challenge in that room is getting the kids to FLUSH.
You sound like you were a very aware and caring kid.
Comment from marijmd
Interesting take to see the aftermath of an event on the family. The son is glib - the husband is sad and lost - and the parents - AH the parents most likely the reason for it in the first place.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Interesting take to see the aftermath of an event on the family. The son is glib - the husband is sad and lost - and the parents - AH the parents most likely the reason for it in the first place.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Everybody gets a claim on the straw that broke the camel's back. Thanks.
