Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

How did I miss this? Love this one Dean, my kind of sweet, innocent, unrelenting terror - I love how this reads and it is visual - frightfully so. Great going...Jean

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014

Thanks, Jean, it was from quite a while ago, at least three months or better, I think.

Thanks for dusting it off and weighing in on it for me. It's been very popular in Great Britain.

Comment from evilynne

Exceptional

Oh,I am going to have nightmares tonight! This was scary fun to read. I didn't peek ahead so I didn't know that the girl was actually grown and homicidal,so it was a total surprise. Congrats on your win!

 Comment Written 02-May-2014

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reply by the author on 03-May-2014

Thanks, evilynne, I'm really glad you went back to have a go at it, it's much appreciated.

reply by evilynne on 03-May-2014

You are very welcome!

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Congrats on your win, Dean!

This was very entertaining What a surprise twist ... to have the cop's daughter behind the teddy, stabbing those guys. She looks so sweet and innocent.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. That picture is perfect! What a great write!

Connie

 Comment Written 30-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 03-May-2014

Thank you very much, Connie. I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Comment from Ronhorrorfan

Excellent

I liked the idea of a deranged Teddy bear killing people. But that it was actually controlled by a 27 year old girl with the mentality of a 3 year old is disturbing. Also disturbing is her cop-father covering it up for her. I almost get a sense that his wife maybe abused him too. Very nice pictures as well.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 04-May-2014

Thanks, Ronhorrorfan, I really appreciate that! I take it you're a fellow horror writer? If you have any horror/thriller stories you would like me to read & review, just let me know, I'd be more than happy to.

Comment from Twilightspire

Exceptional

Nicely written and devilishly fun to read. I get what you were trying to do with the girl's dialogue, but it kind of grated a little. Don't know why, it's very clean and true, but the little kid "woot mommy wook wike" seemed a bit comical. Again, I totally get you were trying to make her seem completely child-like and innocent, but it was a bit off for me. One man's opinion, right?
Anywho, the rest of the story was killer. I love the twist at the end and the whole piece was excellently described and a tad freaky.
I found one little piece of spag for you:

He watched as the most precious thing he had left in his life slid further beneath the bed, into the shadows -- and out of sight.
-"slid" should be "slide"

Good job on this.
-T.J.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014

Thanks, T.J., I'm really glad, as one horror aficionado to another, that you enjoyed the story overall. I did have trepidation about the "baby-talk" thingy, but I felt I simply had to convey, and in as few words as humanly possible because it was a 500 word limit, that Selena Santiago was a child in order for the twist to come off as planned. I do appreciate and value your opinion, and you're not the only one to have mentioned it. I believe one or two other readers did as well, with mixed results. Some loved it, while others...eh, not so much, lol.

Thanks for catching that error for me as well. I appreciate your readership and certainly value your support. We old "horror hounds" have got to stick together, right, heh heh?

reply by Twilightspire on 29-Apr-2014

Absolutely, we must stick together. So few of us hang here, that it's almost a necessity. :)
Like I said, I get why you did the baby-talk angle and as far as it went to convey that in as little words as possible, it was a stroke of genius.

reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014

;>}

Comment from Narvik

Exceptional

Whoa. Good stuff. It was kind of fun to put it all together in the end. Great twist.

As for the writing itself, it was crisp and well-polished writing throughout. Good dialect too.

(a couple space typos: sixty- inch and " Yeah and " I bad)

Teddy bears scared me as a kid cuz my friend had one he said was possessed by demons.

~ Jack

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014

Thanks, Jack. I appreciate you weighing in on this one for me. I'm truly honored by your rating, and most of all, I'm glad you liked the story.

I've made the suggested edit, too. Thanks!

Comment from Karen B.

Exceptional

Dean, Amazing how much horror you've managed to squeeze into a mere 500 words, and then the pictures alone are enough to make me scream as well. Wonderful ending, never saw that coming. Best of luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014

Thanks you, Karen. I'm really pleased to know that you enjoyed it. Normally, longer horror is more my "thing", with in depth character development and plot. But I thought, what the heck -- give it a shot -- to challenge myself a bit. Based upon your wonderful comments and rating, I guess I did okay!

Thanks again.

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

You had me hook, line, and sinker with this one. Awesome story that will stay with me for quite some time. I wasn't prepared for the ending...of course that was the point. Great work with this one and I wish you all the best in the contest too.

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014

Thanks so much, Smurphgirl, for the outstanding feedback, just the sort I needed. One of the stipulations of this particular contest is that the story had to incorporate a scary "twist". You telling me that the ending surprised even a seasoned reader such as yourself gives me hope that I may have succeeded in doing that.

Thanks so much, again. I really appreciate it!

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Wow, totally disturbing, Bro. A great contest entry, to boot. I did not see that ending coming. You always deliver the goods, Dean. Very well written! :0) Bev

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014

Thanks, Bev, I'm really glad that you liked it!

reply by Writingfundimension on 28-Apr-2014

You're very welcome, Dean. :0)

Comment from Ridley Williams

Excellent

Hey Dean,
Oh, those poor innocent children. Sometimes, it's just so hard to teach them right from wrong, lol. I also had the thought, "Who needs a watch dog?", when you've got lovely, little Selena watching your back, lol. Nice job with this "screamer", and best of luck in the contest, later, Bill

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014

Hah, yeah, no doggies need in the Santiago household, that's for sure!

Thanks for reading & reviewing the story, Bill. I'm glad you enjoyed it.