The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "So, Where is the Victims Body?"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
13 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
"Yes, for the children starving on Mt. Fuji. They ask for so little."
ROFL! LOL! I can't stop laughing! This is the funniest line I've read all year! LOL! Mikey, I think I know now why I like the Bard so much... he is really YOU! LOL! ONly the true Bard could come up with that line! ROFLMAO! LOL! My tummy hurts from laughing!
"She looks so life like."
Oh, no! Just when my tummy finally stopped hurtin! ROFL! The neighbors probably wonder if someone's being tortured to death in my house! LOL!
de-evolved into plankton, restoring the ecological balance
STOP IT! I'll die from laughing and it will by YOUR fault!!!
the sound of ice cracking could be heard near her jaw line.
HEY! I warrrrned you, buster. If I'm found dead from laughter, I've put a note on my computer for the cops, saying, "Mikey did it!"
_____
Now for the unfunny stuff... errors to correct:
>> The one witness that saw him dead, is our number one suspect.
Remove that comma... it separates the subject from its predicate, a big no-no!
>> That should force somebodies hand.
SOMEBODIES is plural, meaning more than one somebody. You want to say 'the hand OF somebody'... singular possessive. So use an apostrophe: SOMEBODY'S HAND.
____
Sorry about the six stars... I ran out of sevens. :)
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"Yes, for the children starving on Mt. Fuji. They ask for so little."
ROFL! LOL! I can't stop laughing! This is the funniest line I've read all year! LOL! Mikey, I think I know now why I like the Bard so much... he is really YOU! LOL! ONly the true Bard could come up with that line! ROFLMAO! LOL! My tummy hurts from laughing!
"She looks so life like."
Oh, no! Just when my tummy finally stopped hurtin! ROFL! The neighbors probably wonder if someone's being tortured to death in my house! LOL!
de-evolved into plankton, restoring the ecological balance
STOP IT! I'll die from laughing and it will by YOUR fault!!!
the sound of ice cracking could be heard near her jaw line.
HEY! I warrrrned you, buster. If I'm found dead from laughter, I've put a note on my computer for the cops, saying, "Mikey did it!"
_____
Now for the unfunny stuff... errors to correct:
>> The one witness that saw him dead, is our number one suspect.
Remove that comma... it separates the subject from its predicate, a big no-no!
>> That should force somebodies hand.
SOMEBODIES is plural, meaning more than one somebody. You want to say 'the hand OF somebody'... singular possessive. So use an apostrophe: SOMEBODY'S HAND.
____
Sorry about the six stars... I ran out of sevens. :)
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
Comment from psychewriter
Coming in and around the middle of the story limits my awareness of what transpired prior to this chapter. Therefore, I'll limit my comments and observations to this section only.
The scene here intrigues me. Preserving dead bodies awaiting restoration to health and happiness is indeed outside the realm of reality - something that only imagination can cook up.
As far as mechanics of wordsmithing is concerned, here are some words I picked up that need your attention. My suggestions are enclosed in brackets [ ].
distrubance [disturbance] [typo]
life like [life-like]
cocoon like [cocoon-like]
somebodies [somebody's]
Your fertile imagination with your writing skills makes for best-selling stories. Keep on writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
 |
Coming in and around the middle of the story limits my awareness of what transpired prior to this chapter. Therefore, I'll limit my comments and observations to this section only.
The scene here intrigues me. Preserving dead bodies awaiting restoration to health and happiness is indeed outside the realm of reality - something that only imagination can cook up.
As far as mechanics of wordsmithing is concerned, here are some words I picked up that need your attention. My suggestions are enclosed in brackets [ ].
distrubance [disturbance] [typo]
life like [life-like]
cocoon like [cocoon-like]
somebodies [somebody's]
Your fertile imagination with your writing skills makes for best-selling stories. Keep on writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
Comment from Sankey
Yep the plot is thickening or is it a sub plot. You know the other person buried under the second one in the plot Sigh! haha! Gets nuttier and nittier what. Couple hehe (of) little spags...Hmmmm " met a couple (OF) new relatives
w(-h)ere on the sales staff.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Yep the plot is thickening or is it a sub plot. You know the other person buried under the second one in the plot Sigh! haha! Gets nuttier and nittier what. Couple hehe (of) little spags...Hmmmm " met a couple (OF) new relatives
w(-h)ere on the sales staff.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
