From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "American Biopsy"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
32 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Wow! I can see you're not an Obama fan. Same here, of course. This if filled with bleak images. Mass negative thought doesn't help the situation. There's a lot of good things still out there like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Focus on them.
Pollyanna girl,
Shari xx
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Wow! I can see you're not an Obama fan. Same here, of course. This if filled with bleak images. Mass negative thought doesn't help the situation. There's a lot of good things still out there like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Focus on them.
Pollyanna girl,
Shari xx
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Thanks Shari...always glad to hear from you. The situation is grim but I hoped to offer some inspiration in the closing lines. Vance
Comment from Lysa Schuler
This was an excellent write. It read very well. Flowed graceful. It was very informative. Though dismal it held a positive message of hope. Superb finale, and exceptional poem all the way around. If I had a six it would be yours. Alas I'm still out. Many blessings.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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This was an excellent write. It read very well. Flowed graceful. It was very informative. Though dismal it held a positive message of hope. Superb finale, and exceptional poem all the way around. If I had a six it would be yours. Alas I'm still out. Many blessings.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Lysa: thank you so much for the virtual six and I really appreciate your excellent review. HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment from nouveau
Good flow. I was especially drawn in by your excellent word selection which served to enhance the rhythm even more. As I view (and experience) all that is going on today, it is more than a little difficult to envision America recapturing the Pioneer Spirit. However, I believe your poem certainly gives readers the opportunity to envision the benefits of such a choice.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Good flow. I was especially drawn in by your excellent word selection which served to enhance the rhythm even more. As I view (and experience) all that is going on today, it is more than a little difficult to envision America recapturing the Pioneer Spirit. However, I believe your poem certainly gives readers the opportunity to envision the benefits of such a choice.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Nice to hear from you nouveau and thanks so much for your thoughtful commentary and hope to see you again soon. HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment from queenv
Well written historical poem that tells of the American pioneers struggles. I am a history buff. The stanzas painted a pictures. Fantastic job!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Well written historical poem that tells of the American pioneers struggles. I am a history buff. The stanzas painted a pictures. Fantastic job!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Dear queenv...thank you so much (I am truly honored) as I love your work and hold your six stars as a true gift of appreciation. Bless you....Vance
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Vance,
"American Biopsy" is truly an exceptional poem with great meter and rhyme. I resonate with it. It has excellent figurative language refering to something concrete (masses weep as death commands.) Perhaps it is a bit harsh blaming failure on the leaders as people generally hear what they want to hear.
Preston
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Hi, Vance,
"American Biopsy" is truly an exceptional poem with great meter and rhyme. I resonate with it. It has excellent figurative language refering to something concrete (masses weep as death commands.) Perhaps it is a bit harsh blaming failure on the leaders as people generally hear what they want to hear.
Preston
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Dear Preston: thank you very sincerely for your kind review and generous rating. I'm not often moved to get into discourse over the sins of our leaders but it is so overwhelmingly apparent that wrong things are being done "on purpose" and I'm shocked that the American people have become so blind, complacent, and downright "careless" about what the future will hold for their offspring in the very near future. It's a "wake up" call but not likely to mean much if nobody picks up the phone.. Thanks again Vance
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Hi,Vance,
Your poem was great but it was mostly written in figurative language and not enough concrete language to identify specific sins and specific leaders. I think people will identify villians in your piece with who ever they do not like.
Preston
Comment from GracieAnn
Vance, this is powerfully moving. It is a reality check-up, as it were, for a nation spiraling downward. It is sin-sick and in intensive care. This line says it well, "The masses weep as death commands Where hope once ruled on promised lands". Truth put to rhyme. The final quatrain reminds me of the Prophet Jeremiah in ancient Israel's days just before the fall and barbarians staked their claim. Well done with impact! :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Vance, this is powerfully moving. It is a reality check-up, as it were, for a nation spiraling downward. It is sin-sick and in intensive care. This line says it well, "The masses weep as death commands Where hope once ruled on promised lands". Truth put to rhyme. The final quatrain reminds me of the Prophet Jeremiah in ancient Israel's days just before the fall and barbarians staked their claim. Well done with impact! :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Dear GracieAnn: Thank you so very much for you kind and generous review. I could not remain silent though I don't like to write negative messages...I could not stand it anymore!Blessings to you Vance
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Vance, I feel a tremendous sense of urgency to be upfront about what we know as Christians in how we write on this site. Thank you for being bold. :0 GracieAnn
Comment from Darkhorse555
i so relate to these words dear friend Where hope once ruled on promised lands But why should fallen hopes prevail beautifully drawn excellent piece hope you had a beautiful easter with our lords light in love and peace
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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i so relate to these words dear friend Where hope once ruled on promised lands But why should fallen hopes prevail beautifully drawn excellent piece hope you had a beautiful easter with our lords light in love and peace
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much for your kind review and also my hopes that you also had a wonderful and Blessed Easter! Vance
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Vance very powerful poem in couplets.
Telling us in your poetic thought of why America is failing more every day .
Gert
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Hi Vance very powerful poem in couplets.
Telling us in your poetic thought of why America is failing more every day .
Gert
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Dear Gert...many thanks for your kind review and hope you had a wonderful Easter! Blessings, Vance
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Smiles Vance take care.
Gert
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good rhythm and flow. Good description and alliteration. Good complimentary photo followed by a thought provoking message that holds my attention from start to finish. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good rhythm and flow. Good description and alliteration. Good complimentary photo followed by a thought provoking message that holds my attention from start to finish. Excellent job.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Well thank you so much Righteous Riter! I truly appreciate your feedback and generous six stars. It's always a pleasure to hear from you...kindest regards, Vance
Comment from Nosha17
The forces that control the health of the nation in its literal and figurative sense do not have the best interests of the nation at heart. There has to be a compromise between the two opposing poles. You have made good use of language and rhyme to convey your powerful message. Enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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The forces that control the health of the nation in its literal and figurative sense do not have the best interests of the nation at heart. There has to be a compromise between the two opposing poles. You have made good use of language and rhyme to convey your powerful message. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Thank you Faye: I appreciate your comments and the truth thereof! All the best, Vance
