From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "American Biopsy"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
32 total reviews
Comment from val fitchie
RICH!!!-LOVE the wild west paragraph (the "good old" America coming in stagecoach to bury the victims of the new global evil america)WHAT A GREAT SCENE IN A MOVIE THIS WOULD BE!!!!!!YOU'RE TOO DAMN GOOD!!!!!!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
  |
RICH!!!-LOVE the wild west paragraph (the "good old" America coming in stagecoach to bury the victims of the new global evil america)WHAT A GREAT SCENE IN A MOVIE THIS WOULD BE!!!!!!YOU'RE TOO DAMN GOOD!!!!!!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
-
Ah, Val dear friend...I'm wishful that the movie would run free of celluloid or shiploads of ones and zeros through the minds of those who really care about what is happening...and worse...about to happen soon as planned by this genius of our destruction.
Comment from nelliesellie
Sometimes all hope seems lost. It looked like father end for all mankind during the dark ages. But the will to fight and a small spark of hope saved us. We are going through a similar time. Mankind seems to be slipping backwards. But the will to fight and a small spark of hope may save us again. Great work.
reply by the author on 24-May-2014
|
Sometimes all hope seems lost. It looked like father end for all mankind during the dark ages. But the will to fight and a small spark of hope saved us. We are going through a similar time. Mankind seems to be slipping backwards. But the will to fight and a small spark of hope may save us again. Great work.
Comment Written 24-May-2014
reply by the author on 24-May-2014
-
Dear Nelliesellie: I sincerely appreciate your kind review of this writing and hope to see you more of your reviews. Glad to meet you and I will come visit you too. Vance
Comment from Just2Write
It is a sad state of the nation, but it is encouraging that your poem offers hope. Good people have always struggled against the forces of darkness. Hunger, despair, disease, and evil. This is not just true in the USA today, but throughout the rest of the world as well, and indeed throughout history.
Good smooth flow to your lines and excellent use of enjambment.
An interesting set of sestets with couplets and an AABBCC rhyme scheme. Excellent presentation and message.
Rose.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
|
It is a sad state of the nation, but it is encouraging that your poem offers hope. Good people have always struggled against the forces of darkness. Hunger, despair, disease, and evil. This is not just true in the USA today, but throughout the rest of the world as well, and indeed throughout history.
Good smooth flow to your lines and excellent use of enjambment.
An interesting set of sestets with couplets and an AABBCC rhyme scheme. Excellent presentation and message.
Rose.
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
-
DEAR ROSE...APOLOGIES FOR LATE REPLY AND THANKS FOR YOU KIND REVIEW. I'VE BEEN ... (STILL AM) TRAVELLING AND GOT WAY BEHIND ON MY POETRY WORK. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! Vance
Comment from LoannaLois
What a testimony to where society has gone to hide...You paint a realistic detailed picture of what used to be...and what is. Great poem. A six.
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
|
What a testimony to where society has gone to hide...You paint a realistic detailed picture of what used to be...and what is. Great poem. A six.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
-
Thanks so much LoannaLois I really appreciate your kind review and virtual six stars... hope to see you often: Vance
Comment from Pyrrho
I rate poetic talent, not content. However I occasionally comment on content. I would have preferred to have you use the word 'ethical principles' and comment on how they no longer define the public's thought rather than using the word/concept of sin as the negative aspects of our leader.
Re the poetic talent displayed, I like the form of three couplets per verse and two couplets in the final verse. Your rhymes though not outstanding are almost all "perfect" and those that are not do not annoy and are acceptable.
Where I find minor fault is in your meter. It is satisfactory however in two places you insert words which contribute nothing to meaning and are added only because you are 'fixing' the meter: 'does' in line eight and 'did' in line 22. Some would accuse me of being picky but there are better and more talented ways of achieving excellent meter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
 |
I rate poetic talent, not content. However I occasionally comment on content. I would have preferred to have you use the word 'ethical principles' and comment on how they no longer define the public's thought rather than using the word/concept of sin as the negative aspects of our leader.
Re the poetic talent displayed, I like the form of three couplets per verse and two couplets in the final verse. Your rhymes though not outstanding are almost all "perfect" and those that are not do not annoy and are acceptable.
Where I find minor fault is in your meter. It is satisfactory however in two places you insert words which contribute nothing to meaning and are added only because you are 'fixing' the meter: 'does' in line eight and 'did' in line 22. Some would accuse me of being picky but there are better and more talented ways of achieving excellent meter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
-
Thank you for taking time to read this work and clearly it does not settle well with you politically for which I'm deeply sorry as I mean only to deal with the truths. All the best! Vance
Comment from vapros
This is an excellent declaration of the wrongs you recognize in our country today. 'If faith and courage honored still' is an appropriate caveat, but I have a dreary view of the state of the union for the next two decades. Good work.
v
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
|
This is an excellent declaration of the wrongs you recognize in our country today. 'If faith and courage honored still' is an appropriate caveat, but I have a dreary view of the state of the union for the next two decades. Good work.
v
Comment Written 04-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
-
Dear vapros: Thank you so very much for your very kind review and so nice to meet you and hope to see you again soon. Have a great evening! Vance
Comment from lakeport
American Biobsy, indeed the last stanza sumes it all up, our leaders need to wake up, a very heartfelt expressed poem.Thanks for sharing it.God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
|
American Biobsy, indeed the last stanza sumes it all up, our leaders need to wake up, a very heartfelt expressed poem.Thanks for sharing it.God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
-
Dear lakeport: thank you sincerely for you kind review and as always....so much appreciated! Vance
-
your welcome.Lakeport.
Comment from visionary1234
Well dammit, I always hoped to be in a time of history when a civilization was RISING, not FALLING, but unfortunately I think you may be correct here Vance. I don't know what kind of world my sons and grandkids will inherit, but greed does not augur well.
I like your extensive use of near-rhymes.
to hopeful hoards (hordes)
Where pioneers(pioneers') fresh hopes begin
The righteous soul shall have it's(its - no apostrophe needed here) will
Best wishes
Sharyn
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
|
Well dammit, I always hoped to be in a time of history when a civilization was RISING, not FALLING, but unfortunately I think you may be correct here Vance. I don't know what kind of world my sons and grandkids will inherit, but greed does not augur well.
I like your extensive use of near-rhymes.
to hopeful hoards (hordes)
Where pioneers(pioneers') fresh hopes begin
The righteous soul shall have it's(its - no apostrophe needed here) will
Best wishes
Sharyn
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
-
Sharyn..thanks so much for your kind review and best wishes to you as well: Vance
Comment from c_lucas
When America leaders considered themselves to be greater than God, America's health began to fail. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
|
When America leaders considered themselves to be greater than God, America's health began to fail. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
-
Dear c_lucal: your review is much appreciated and many thanks to you!! His Grayness: Vance
-
You're welcome,HG. Charlie
Comment from Fusion48
Found it very interesting and only one flaw with crimes and lines - could have been "serve in different climes"
Makes you wonder which leader. Know what we in N.Z. are going through is largely do to systems established by governments in the past(to the period prior to WWII) that subsequent governments have not had the willingness/guts to alter.
Thanks for the read and for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
|
Found it very interesting and only one flaw with crimes and lines - could have been "serve in different climes"
Makes you wonder which leader. Know what we in N.Z. are going through is largely do to systems established by governments in the past(to the period prior to WWII) that subsequent governments have not had the willingness/guts to alter.
Thanks for the read and for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
-
Dear Fusion48: Thanks for the kind review ... much appreciated: HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
