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Viewing comments for Chapter 80 "Slippery Situation"Personal poems
15 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thanks for sharing an actual experience in these rhymed couplets in quarains. What a terrifying situation that you intensified with your alliteration of "s's". I'm glad you slid to safety! Cheers and happy holiday weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for sharing an actual experience in these rhymed couplets in quarains. What a terrifying situation that you intensified with your alliteration of "s's". I'm glad you slid to safety! Cheers and happy holiday weekend- Joan
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you Joan. Happy Easter to you too!
Comment from joneau2
Yikes. That was a dangerous situation, and you were certainly lucky you weren't hurt. Had a similar experience in Kansas City driving home one day. Was going slow and hit an icy patch of road. Totally helpless feeling as the car spun around several times but didn't hit anything. I was lucky.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Yikes. That was a dangerous situation, and you were certainly lucky you weren't hurt. Had a similar experience in Kansas City driving home one day. Was going slow and hit an icy patch of road. Totally helpless feeling as the car spun around several times but didn't hit anything. I was lucky.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks joneau2, yup it goes just like that.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Well written quatrains and ending couplet.
Winter must surely be a treacherous time for unwary drivers on
Roads covered in ice and snow.
Your writing captures both surprise and fear as control is lost
And a dangerous situation unfolds.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Well written quatrains and ending couplet.
Winter must surely be a treacherous time for unwary drivers on
Roads covered in ice and snow.
Your writing captures both surprise and fear as control is lost
And a dangerous situation unfolds.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks Shirley. Indeed they are.
Comment from risktaker
Very well-expressed. I could feel the fear and stress of the situation. Thank God you survived. I love the flow, imagery, and the structure. The visuals were very clear, I could imagine the sequence of events. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Very well-expressed. I could feel the fear and stress of the situation. Thank God you survived. I love the flow, imagery, and the structure. The visuals were very clear, I could imagine the sequence of events. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you risktaker . That was a scary moment.
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ok
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I could feel your terror as I read this poem telling of your harrowing experience with icy roads. Many a time have I felt like "I had no steering wheel." Thank goodness you lived to write about the experience! Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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I could feel your terror as I read this poem telling of your harrowing experience with icy roads. Many a time have I felt like "I had no steering wheel." Thank goodness you lived to write about the experience! Well done.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you Marrietta.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider 8 beats/line to improve flow when read aloud.
Cars and ice don't mingle well.
There are SAD stories I could tell,
'Bout the bitter damage done,
There comes to mind this certain one.
It all began one rainy day,
When bitter cold came into play
While I was driving down steep street
Quite unaware of icy sheet.
Road contained a sloppy layer
Made me say a hasty prayer.
As I approached that slickened hill,
I started spinin' 'gainst my will.
And so on. As to the story, been there, done that a few times. Make last verse a quatrain.
Regards:
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Consider 8 beats/line to improve flow when read aloud.
Cars and ice don't mingle well.
There are SAD stories I could tell,
'Bout the bitter damage done,
There comes to mind this certain one.
It all began one rainy day,
When bitter cold came into play
While I was driving down steep street
Quite unaware of icy sheet.
Road contained a sloppy layer
Made me say a hasty prayer.
As I approached that slickened hill,
I started spinin' 'gainst my will.
And so on. As to the story, been there, done that a few times. Make last verse a quatrain.
Regards:
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thanks Stephen. Good suggestions.
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My pleasure.
Comment from rod007
Great poem. I had a similar experience in my so called 4x4 jeep I slipped into a ditch through very bad ice on a country road. I've come to understand having 4 wheel drive does not prevent slippage and that when that occurs I don't brake hard and I minimize the steering. I find that this prevents the vehicle slipping more. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Great poem. I had a similar experience in my so called 4x4 jeep I slipped into a ditch through very bad ice on a country road. I've come to understand having 4 wheel drive does not prevent slippage and that when that occurs I don't brake hard and I minimize the steering. I find that this prevents the vehicle slipping more. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thanks rod. Yup, you describe well the false security of 4X4s.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
"Slippery Situation" is an excellent poem with good rhyme scheme followed consistently, good rhyme, and flow. It has good figurative language and imagery (a bounced gyrating swerve). Good luck in the contest.
Preston
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Hi, Treischel,
"Slippery Situation" is an excellent poem with good rhyme scheme followed consistently, good rhyme, and flow. It has good figurative language and imagery (a bounced gyrating swerve). Good luck in the contest.
Preston
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you Preston. I appreciate the good wishes.
Comment from mfowler
Your measured quatrains of short lines and aabb rhyming let your narrative skid a long (pun intended, apology offered) at a great rate. It was perfect for the relating of this incident, which seems to not only have affected your confidence, but also nearly taken a few inncocent souls off to heavenearlier than need be. This line made me continue reading your poem:Listen! Cars and ice don't mingle well. It just had that right blend of humour and angst to capture my attention.
You didn't deviate from the style (unlike your driving) throughout the poem. For instance, I could just feel this one:My wheels hit hard against concrete curve,
Creating a bounced gyrating swerve.
And I think this line was one of the most inventive uses of a rhyme I've seen:The road contained a sloppy layer
That made me make a hasty prayer.
Very entertaining write!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Your measured quatrains of short lines and aabb rhyming let your narrative skid a long (pun intended, apology offered) at a great rate. It was perfect for the relating of this incident, which seems to not only have affected your confidence, but also nearly taken a few inncocent souls off to heavenearlier than need be. This line made me continue reading your poem:Listen! Cars and ice don't mingle well. It just had that right blend of humour and angst to capture my attention.
You didn't deviate from the style (unlike your driving) throughout the poem. For instance, I could just feel this one:My wheels hit hard against concrete curve,
Creating a bounced gyrating swerve.
And I think this line was one of the most inventive uses of a rhyme I've seen:The road contained a sloppy layer
That made me make a hasty prayer.
Very entertaining write!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you mfowler. I very nicely detailed review that really grabs the essence. .
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi T...
~ Wow! Does this bring back memories of when I lived in snow country...! I love the witty way you approached this poem...
~ What always tickled me was the people that bragged because they had four-wheel drive, so they could drive however they wanted - no problem...! Yea, right, until they slid on ice and got stuck along side the road...! LOL...
~ The pix helped it to come together beautifully...
Well done...
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Hi T...
~ Wow! Does this bring back memories of when I lived in snow country...! I love the witty way you approached this poem...
~ What always tickled me was the people that bragged because they had four-wheel drive, so they could drive however they wanted - no problem...! Yea, right, until they slid on ice and got stuck along side the road...! LOL...
~ The pix helped it to come together beautifully...
Well done...
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you Jax. Yup, those fools never change.
