Erotic Dreams
Fantasy or Reality21 total reviews
Comment from WritingsByG
Nicely put, and written. A dream of mine and I'm sure of a lot of soon to be exs to be able to return those really wonderful moments when we knew there was love. I'll send your story to my soon to ex and see what happens. Never know. Thank you.
G
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014
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Nicely put, and written. A dream of mine and I'm sure of a lot of soon to be exs to be able to return those really wonderful moments when we knew there was love. I'll send your story to my soon to ex and see what happens. Never know. Thank you.
G
Comment Written 27-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014
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Thank you. The ex is always good story theme. The one that got away, and the one we never should have met.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi... Man he just keeps getting deeper into the web. Somehow, this is going to end up and I hope not badly. He is caught like blue velvet, it is erotic and scary and sad in a way i can't quite put my finger on.
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Hi... Man he just keeps getting deeper into the web. Somehow, this is going to end up and I hope not badly. He is caught like blue velvet, it is erotic and scary and sad in a way i can't quite put my finger on.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a terrific opening line. It really pulls in new readers who haven't read the other chapters.
Your description of the hand job makes me think of some massages that have happy endings. Bringing their male clients or orgasm is considered part of their job.
Great erotic description and very realistic dialogue makes this a well written chapter. Lou
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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What a terrific opening line. It really pulls in new readers who haven't read the other chapters.
Your description of the hand job makes me think of some massages that have happy endings. Bringing their male clients or orgasm is considered part of their job.
Great erotic description and very realistic dialogue makes this a well written chapter. Lou
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much, Lou. Part 3 was a joy to write. I posted part 4, the ending of this tale. I hope you get a chance to read the conclusion.
Comment from michaelcahill
This was all really well written and engaging. So easy to slip into something not believable in a tale like this. But, this is totally believable all the way through. The ending is excellent. Very realistic and on the money. Love the second thoughts followed by the third thoughts! mikey
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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This was all really well written and engaging. So easy to slip into something not believable in a tale like this. But, this is totally believable all the way through. The ending is excellent. Very realistic and on the money. Love the second thoughts followed by the third thoughts! mikey
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much, Mikey. I like to get into the characters head.
Comment from emrpoems
Great character development
Good dialogue'
Excellent story plan that makes it flow easily. hope things go well for them boh
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Great character development
Good dialogue'
Excellent story plan that makes it flow easily. hope things go well for them boh
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much. Well things take a turn in the fourth and last part.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Lancelot,
As I read this I couldn't help but think Jake isn't responding? You do a good job painting an alluring sex kitten.
Regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Dear Lancelot,
As I read this I couldn't help but think Jake isn't responding? You do a good job painting an alluring sex kitten.
Regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much. I really appreciate the great review. I know these are long tales and require a lot of time.
JW
Comment from Jay Squires
Getting angrier by the second he snatched the phone off his desk. [You need a comma after the first clause, just after "second".
I like the way you slide bits of back story into the present action, rather than give a gigantic flashback.
and had no idea what he was saying yes to.[Yes, it had me scrambling back to see if she asked a question that he just failed to answer. But there wasn't any. I don't know whether that's a problem or not, technically. On the one hand you cover Jake by saying he didn't remember know what he was saying yes about ... but she likely ask if she could, knowing she hadn't made a request earlier.]
It's an interesting technique you use with him asking himself questions introspectively and answering them out loud. It took me a moment to realize what y ou were doing, but it works.
You need to ditch that last line or replace it. It is author intrusion. Up until that last line it was written in third person omniscient. I was only allowed to view his life through his eyes and mind. No one else intruded ... until the last line when YOU, the author got completely outside him and viewed him like you were a fly on the ceiling.
Everything before that was superb ... well, perhaps the dream sequence with Li Song needed to be given a slightly more believable explanation than "(it had been a really good dream)". By then, the reader has invested a lot of time wondering how he is going to juggle two women in the house. It becomes kind of a let-down.
I WANT YOU TO BE LEFT WITH KNOWING I CAN RECOGNIZE A HUGE TALENT IN THIS GENRE. ON THE OTHER HAND, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WRITING LONG ENOUGH AND WELL ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN TAKE WHAT IS GOOD AND REJECT WHAT IS NOT, SO I'M NOT CONCERNED.
By the way, how did you get this through without the "Mature Audience" warning?
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Getting angrier by the second he snatched the phone off his desk. [You need a comma after the first clause, just after "second".
I like the way you slide bits of back story into the present action, rather than give a gigantic flashback.
and had no idea what he was saying yes to.[Yes, it had me scrambling back to see if she asked a question that he just failed to answer. But there wasn't any. I don't know whether that's a problem or not, technically. On the one hand you cover Jake by saying he didn't remember know what he was saying yes about ... but she likely ask if she could, knowing she hadn't made a request earlier.]
It's an interesting technique you use with him asking himself questions introspectively and answering them out loud. It took me a moment to realize what y ou were doing, but it works.
You need to ditch that last line or replace it. It is author intrusion. Up until that last line it was written in third person omniscient. I was only allowed to view his life through his eyes and mind. No one else intruded ... until the last line when YOU, the author got completely outside him and viewed him like you were a fly on the ceiling.
Everything before that was superb ... well, perhaps the dream sequence with Li Song needed to be given a slightly more believable explanation than "(it had been a really good dream)". By then, the reader has invested a lot of time wondering how he is going to juggle two women in the house. It becomes kind of a let-down.
I WANT YOU TO BE LEFT WITH KNOWING I CAN RECOGNIZE A HUGE TALENT IN THIS GENRE. ON THE OTHER HAND, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WRITING LONG ENOUGH AND WELL ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN TAKE WHAT IS GOOD AND REJECT WHAT IS NOT, SO I'M NOT CONCERNED.
By the way, how did you get this through without the "Mature Audience" warning?
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much, Jay. I appreciate the detailed review. The warnings and the wall are done by the author. I don't think a mature audience wall is needed, with the warnings above the tale.
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I wasn't aware of that.
Comment from c_lucas
You had me wondering if Li Song was hiding in the closet. (LOL) This is well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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You had me wondering if Li Song was hiding in the closet. (LOL) This is well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much.
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You're welcome, Lancellot. Charlie
Comment from Narvik
Good continuation of the story, Lance. I don't know whether to feel sorry for Jake or envy him. I still remember all those thoughts going through his head on that massage table.
This could probably be lengthened to a longer book where you could develop these three main characters more and play them off on each other.
AS for the writing itself, it was well-polished, nicely-paced, and kept my interest all the way through. Good, visual depiction of the sex action. Nice metaphors, like that dining in the dark forest line.
I'm looking forward to the next phase of the story.
~ Jack
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Good continuation of the story, Lance. I don't know whether to feel sorry for Jake or envy him. I still remember all those thoughts going through his head on that massage table.
This could probably be lengthened to a longer book where you could develop these three main characters more and play them off on each other.
AS for the writing itself, it was well-polished, nicely-paced, and kept my interest all the way through. Good, visual depiction of the sex action. Nice metaphors, like that dining in the dark forest line.
I'm looking forward to the next phase of the story.
~ Jack
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much, Jack. Yes, poor Jake, it happens sometimes. There is only one last part of Jake and Li Song's story, I'm editing it now. I am pondering writing more about Jen. We'll see.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, having been in the marine Corps, and in various parts of Asia, the women there are exotic and beautiful. I was over seas for more than a year, and met many wonderful Asian women, and none of them were hookers. So, it is rather hard (at least, it was for me) to be aroused by anything but women from the Orient, especially after experiencing them sexually.
I could understand Jake's reservations concerning his and Jen rekindling their dormant relationship. Besides, he can't get Li Song out of his mind.
This was well written, Lance. I saw nothing at all I can offer you as suggestions or changes. I didn't see any mistakes in punctuation or spelling/grammar, either.
Well done!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Well, having been in the marine Corps, and in various parts of Asia, the women there are exotic and beautiful. I was over seas for more than a year, and met many wonderful Asian women, and none of them were hookers. So, it is rather hard (at least, it was for me) to be aroused by anything but women from the Orient, especially after experiencing them sexually.
I could understand Jake's reservations concerning his and Jen rekindling their dormant relationship. Besides, he can't get Li Song out of his mind.
This was well written, Lance. I saw nothing at all I can offer you as suggestions or changes. I didn't see any mistakes in punctuation or spelling/grammar, either.
Well done!
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much. Yes, I know what you mean. I dated a Chinese girl in college and after her no American woman did it, for quite a while.
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You're very welcome, Lance.
