Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "To Fill 'Til Full"A collection of sonnets
24 total reviews
Comment from pattipac
Michael, I don't know how I missed reading this remarkable sonnets of God's continual efforts to reach all he created. Excellent word selection, and knowledge of scripture make your poem a winner in my eyes.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Michael, I don't know how I missed reading this remarkable sonnets of God's continual efforts to reach all he created. Excellent word selection, and knowledge of scripture make your poem a winner in my eyes.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much. This was from quite a while ago. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. I was rather surprised I was able to complete it. I know I had some big time help! :) mikey
Comment from bizzygirl
'I'll rise alive three days from death knell nolls"/ 'your lifetimes loving self damanation earned' 'tatooed in scripture, inked in glittered gold'; Just a couple of the phrases that spark the imagination. (moot point but heroic sonnets consist of 15 sonnets, last one made of first lines of the previous 14 sonnets as I understand it.) You stay true to the sonnet corona with one theme. This was a daunting task, not one I'd willingly take on. The structure of 14 lines is not well kept. The rhyming scheme is a bit skewed abab cdcd efef gg. The flow, inspite of technical gaps, flows smoothly with the theme from creation to crucifixtion and beyond to man's flaws and self-importance; is wonderfully written
You have a way with words that paints a graceful interpretation on your canvas. I like your style. I am sure this poem will go far. You took on a daunting task and handled, even with minor flaws, successfully. Just my opinion and I am confident others are far more qualified to critique such a lovely work.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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'I'll rise alive three days from death knell nolls"/ 'your lifetimes loving self damanation earned' 'tatooed in scripture, inked in glittered gold'; Just a couple of the phrases that spark the imagination. (moot point but heroic sonnets consist of 15 sonnets, last one made of first lines of the previous 14 sonnets as I understand it.) You stay true to the sonnet corona with one theme. This was a daunting task, not one I'd willingly take on. The structure of 14 lines is not well kept. The rhyming scheme is a bit skewed abab cdcd efef gg. The flow, inspite of technical gaps, flows smoothly with the theme from creation to crucifixtion and beyond to man's flaws and self-importance; is wonderfully written
You have a way with words that paints a graceful interpretation on your canvas. I like your style. I am sure this poem will go far. You took on a daunting task and handled, even with minor flaws, successfully. Just my opinion and I am confident others are far more qualified to critique such a lovely work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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Hi. Thanks for taking a look at this. Heroic sonnets are 18 lines. It makes for some confusion as a Heroic Crown of Sonnets is not the same thing as a Crown of Heroic Sonnets. This is the latter: seven heroic sonnets. The end line of each the beginning of the next. Finally the first line of the piece is repeated as the last line. I'm not sure what you mean by the rhyme scheme being skewed. I don't see any fault in the rhyme. It is a daunting task and I'm not sure what possessed me! I had just got a handle on iambic pentameter so I gave it a shot. I can see an edit is in order. The meter is not perfect though at the time it was a miracle. :)) Iambic did not come easy to me, it's the opposite of my trochaic instincts. I'm so pleased you found this to your liking. Thanks again. mikey
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Please keep in mind I am certainly no expert. I commend you for picking up the challenge. Practice makes Perfect
Glad I was a little help
Rose
Comment from Janet7053
Michael, this crown of heroic sonnets is magnifiscent. I have not written one, but I would like to learn. The last line to begin the next is difficult to do.
Here are two lines of which I am particularly impressed.
"Would you have sought your burning doom instead?" It belies reason, but that's what sin looks like it is saying as millions go on their merry way, not considering the cost.
"The fire seems pretty till your skin is burned." The sacasm evokes one to shudder at just how foolish mankind is. Reminds me of Richard Pryor setting the ends of his fingers on fire - Senseless!
To fill till full is a thought provoking title. Your author's notes guide us to know just how much we can and cannot say. HA!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Michael, this crown of heroic sonnets is magnifiscent. I have not written one, but I would like to learn. The last line to begin the next is difficult to do.
Here are two lines of which I am particularly impressed.
"Would you have sought your burning doom instead?" It belies reason, but that's what sin looks like it is saying as millions go on their merry way, not considering the cost.
"The fire seems pretty till your skin is burned." The sacasm evokes one to shudder at just how foolish mankind is. Reminds me of Richard Pryor setting the ends of his fingers on fire - Senseless!
To fill till full is a thought provoking title. Your author's notes guide us to know just how much we can and cannot say. HA!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi. How delighted I am to see such a wonderful review for this especially since it isn't promoted. This was a LOT of work for me and quite a challenge. But, I've found here it's better to jump in and hope for help! Help is usually readily available. I'm pleased those lines spoke to you. The best way to do one of these is to just start with the first line and go for it. It's interesting to note that the best writers here are also the most helpful. I was a little intimidated by the rankings when I first started out, but I quickly found that these were simply the most active people. They love to write and they love to teach and help. Well, I'm all smiles. A six to boot! You've made my week. Thank you so much. mikey
Comment from Caressa_08
I wish that I had a six to give, just started glancing at all these entries, & yours is the fourth read & the first I stopped to review...Covering so much & done in a trying iambic way, though, too, in a manner that shows man is not always perfect, & if we trust in Him we can be filled with what his plan for us was meant to be in the first place. Men's rules, are just that...Though, its best to keep with the Lord, as he is the answer & knows the best plan for us, as He started this Life, so many years ago, & He is the Source that we all came to be..Our salvation is with Him & not what earthly treasures that man made. Like your example of high heels that can cause us, woman to sway, in so many ways...Think God is smiling with such a poetic message of Faith put forth. with this your poem, To Fill 'Til Full.
Caressa
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I wish that I had a six to give, just started glancing at all these entries, & yours is the fourth read & the first I stopped to review...Covering so much & done in a trying iambic way, though, too, in a manner that shows man is not always perfect, & if we trust in Him we can be filled with what his plan for us was meant to be in the first place. Men's rules, are just that...Though, its best to keep with the Lord, as he is the answer & knows the best plan for us, as He started this Life, so many years ago, & He is the Source that we all came to be..Our salvation is with Him & not what earthly treasures that man made. Like your example of high heels that can cause us, woman to sway, in so many ways...Think God is smiling with such a poetic message of Faith put forth. with this your poem, To Fill 'Til Full.
Caressa
Comment Written 22-May-2014
Comment from LoannaLois
This has taken my breath away. The way you repeated last and first...the chosen words like burning doom and metaphoric prism....just plain genius.
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This has taken my breath away. The way you repeated last and first...the chosen words like burning doom and metaphoric prism....just plain genius.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
Comment from Just2Write
I did not count iambs, but I did see a couple of lines that were out of scansion. A Heroic Crown is a lot of work - so I praise you for writing one. For the most part it is well done - but there were quite a few spags that I caught:
soon up the mountainside, the battles [battle's] fought.
with muscles, [mussels] lobsters, fishes, whales, all kinds
Faith in God will ford the deepest schism
(schism = a division of opposing parties) - is that what you were going for? I would think 'chasm' (a deep gorge, or a marked interruption of time)
but it is only a near-rhyme to prism.
The Lord sees death as sins [sin's] fair solution,
and sin's become man's worshipped holy creed. vs.
and sin becomes man's worshipped holy creed.
Your without care [you're]
What will you do when death on white horse comes?
The 4 horses of the apocalypse:
white, red, black, and pale
white is Conquest, red is War, Black is Famine, and the pale is Death.
Good for you for taking on such a daunting format. You did well.
Rose.
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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I did not count iambs, but I did see a couple of lines that were out of scansion. A Heroic Crown is a lot of work - so I praise you for writing one. For the most part it is well done - but there were quite a few spags that I caught:
soon up the mountainside, the battles [battle's] fought.
with muscles, [mussels] lobsters, fishes, whales, all kinds
Faith in God will ford the deepest schism
(schism = a division of opposing parties) - is that what you were going for? I would think 'chasm' (a deep gorge, or a marked interruption of time)
but it is only a near-rhyme to prism.
The Lord sees death as sins [sin's] fair solution,
and sin's become man's worshipped holy creed. vs.
and sin becomes man's worshipped holy creed.
Your without care [you're]
What will you do when death on white horse comes?
The 4 horses of the apocalypse:
white, red, black, and pale
white is Conquest, red is War, Black is Famine, and the pale is Death.
Good for you for taking on such a daunting format. You did well.
Rose.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Wow! Thank you so much. I made all of those changes. I start seeing double when I look at this! You are the only one that actually reviewed this. I'll think about "schism". I was going for what it says currently, but perhaps your suggestion is an improvement. I'm very new to Iambic pentameter, so I do realize that many of the lines are off. I originally started this to demonstrate that a free verse poet could also write within structure if so inclined. Hahaha. I suppose I proved both sides of the argument. Yes, I can, but oh my it is difficult! I'll keep revisiting this as my grasp of meter improves. I do appreciate your input very much. Thanks again, mikey
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Good Free Verse requires a balance of words and syllables, just as much as Form poetry does - just in a different way. Learning the basics of rhythm through iambic measure is a good way to discipline your mind to 'see' and 'hear' what you are writing and to learn about the properties of stressed and non-stressed words and syllables. Good writing in both forms is darned hard work. You did extremely well for a newbie to iambic pentameter. It's taken me years to 'get' the rhythm. My first love is Free Verse, but in truth, I like all poetry that is interesting, and written with skill - regardless of the form the writer chooses.
Rose.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Now if the Bible were this short and the lesson given the same, more would read it. this is abslutely the best faith poem i have read in a lont imte. good job
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Now if the Bible were this short and the lesson given the same, more would read it. this is abslutely the best faith poem i have read in a lont imte. good job
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I thought this was beautiful. As far as I could tell you stayed within the format and created a beautiful and so meaningful crown of sonnets. I admire the effort this took as well as the depth of thought it reflects.
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I thought this was beautiful. As far as I could tell you stayed within the format and created a beautiful and so meaningful crown of sonnets. I admire the effort this took as well as the depth of thought it reflects.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
Comment from reconciled
WoooooOOOOoooooo Weee............my God man....you took that thoroughbred stuff to heart huh...?.....you're not taking steroids are you Mike...?...lol.....my goodness...very impressive....if this dont garner attention...were going have to set something on fire brother...-wink- love ya dude Michael
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WoooooOOOOoooooo Weee............my God man....you took that thoroughbred stuff to heart huh...?.....you're not taking steroids are you Mike...?...lol.....my goodness...very impressive....if this dont garner attention...were going have to set something on fire brother...-wink- love ya dude Michael
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
Comment from Sankey
Hey mate what a great bible tour. had me worried early thought we were getting into the 'Gap' Theory if you know what that is? Ask if you want. What an enjoyable read saw the sin nature coming through, after the flood everything wiped out but sin still present. One spag ok!
You('re) without care
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Hey mate what a great bible tour. had me worried early thought we were getting into the 'Gap' Theory if you know what that is? Ask if you want. What an enjoyable read saw the sin nature coming through, after the flood everything wiped out but sin still present. One spag ok!
You('re) without care
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
