Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Nightmares & Surprise Dreams"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
17 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
This mind-bending aspect of the story must make it hard to keep track of the baddies and the goodies! Simplistically speaking! Your characters are strongly drawn so you imagine they will be able to cope and react in the most dire situations. I am sure there are lots of surprises in store. This would be most fitting as one of those HBO series, never know, you might be famous one day soon. Wish you well and great story. Faye
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This mind-bending aspect of the story must make it hard to keep track of the baddies and the goodies! Simplistically speaking! Your characters are strongly drawn so you imagine they will be able to cope and react in the most dire situations. I am sure there are lots of surprises in store. This would be most fitting as one of those HBO series, never know, you might be famous one day soon. Wish you well and great story. Faye
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
Comment from Sasha
I couldn't help but laugh at this comment in your notes: try not to throw anything insane into the mix for a while...very funny. Great chapter with an unexpected inside attack. I felt the concern of everyone about not knowing who to trust. Guards guarding the guards that are guarding the guards was a nice touch, really got the point across. I anxiously look forward to the next installment.
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I couldn't help but laugh at this comment in your notes: try not to throw anything insane into the mix for a while...very funny. Great chapter with an unexpected inside attack. I felt the concern of everyone about not knowing who to trust. Guards guarding the guards that are guarding the guards was a nice touch, really got the point across. I anxiously look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
This mind control can take over too many people and in too many locals .It has to be something like a machine. I would look for an antenna. This has to take a source of electricity. Great work.
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This mind control can take over too many people and in too many locals .It has to be something like a machine. I would look for an antenna. This has to take a source of electricity. Great work.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Awesome tension during the standoff. Cannot wait to see what is in that bunker. If they are going to improve their position they need to be a liitle more out of the dark. Killer character development. Each character is so distinct. Well done!! NG
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Awesome tension during the standoff. Cannot wait to see what is in that bunker. If they are going to improve their position they need to be a liitle more out of the dark. Killer character development. Each character is so distinct. Well done!! NG
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
Comment from seaglass
This moved along nicely and we are gaining understanding about the dreams and visions. A little more character development occurred. I found one boo boo.
"I could see that Christine was (to)"- this needs to be (too)
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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This moved along nicely and we are gaining understanding about the dreams and visions. A little more character development occurred. I found one boo boo.
"I could see that Christine was (to)"- this needs to be (too)
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Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Shall fix. Trying to keep the mind stuff somewhat plausible and not go sci fi. I need to get them into the bunker and come up with an ending. Everytime I delay I come up with something crazy that I have to write my way out of!! mikey
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I recognize, there are a lot of mind games going on? Guess, Christine has ESP and Johnny, something like a medium. Maybe, they are immune to physcological warfare. Where is the dreams generating from? But you know the answer to that riddle, i can wait, make it a surprise attack. You got me laughing when you mentioned son of a bitch! three times. This is good work, Mikey. I count six arrows hit poor Johnny boy in his privates, sad. SOB! son of a bitch. you got me chuckling. I was wondering when you was gonna post this unit. Today being star day should give you ammunition to increase your rating if some give you a six like me. Later Lion King.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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I recognize, there are a lot of mind games going on? Guess, Christine has ESP and Johnny, something like a medium. Maybe, they are immune to physcological warfare. Where is the dreams generating from? But you know the answer to that riddle, i can wait, make it a surprise attack. You got me laughing when you mentioned son of a bitch! three times. This is good work, Mikey. I count six arrows hit poor Johnny boy in his privates, sad. SOB! son of a bitch. you got me chuckling. I was wondering when you was gonna post this unit. Today being star day should give you ammunition to increase your rating if some give you a six like me. Later Lion King.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Isn't Rhonda cute? That was how she was too!! Not exaggerating. Gotta get these dudes in that bunker and find the goodies. Communications equipment to find the enemy and defeat them. Got your e-mail by the way and answered it. Posting tonight? Love them stars!! mikey
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Them stars keep you on top. I checked me e-mail.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I felt them right inside my brain. I resisted.
Carlos was being controlled by those soldiers... or what? NOw you've introduce mind-reading? I really think you're adding too much weirdness to this story. The bunker at least makes sense. Even Christine being 'sensitive' is okay, I guess, but now this enemy that uses mind control??? It's just too much. What's next? Purple unicorns that they ride to the new beach? Sorry to sound mean, Mikey, but you can't just keep adding weird stuff and more and more attackers coming at them. You have to move the plot along, not clutter it and bog it down.
It's too late to undo the mind reading stuff, and that's an albatross you're going to have to drag, but I'd suggest moving into the bunker and learning something from a communication system that would surely be there. Find the real enemy now, and plan ways to fight it and survive. Surely there is a way (or there'd be no story to tell) to defeat them OR to find a place, even this one, that's suited for long-term survival. First, they must learn who or what caused the whole problem in the first place, and they could best do that in the bunker. It's time to stop adding new small enemies and find the big one... then have them get a plan and follow it.
It just doesn't seem to be headed anywhere, Mikey. Don't mean to be critical, but you want honest opinion and advice, right? By this point in the book, you should have an ending in mind. Now you have to let them proceed to work toward that ending without adding any more clutter. :)
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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I felt them right inside my brain. I resisted.
Carlos was being controlled by those soldiers... or what? NOw you've introduce mind-reading? I really think you're adding too much weirdness to this story. The bunker at least makes sense. Even Christine being 'sensitive' is okay, I guess, but now this enemy that uses mind control??? It's just too much. What's next? Purple unicorns that they ride to the new beach? Sorry to sound mean, Mikey, but you can't just keep adding weird stuff and more and more attackers coming at them. You have to move the plot along, not clutter it and bog it down.
It's too late to undo the mind reading stuff, and that's an albatross you're going to have to drag, but I'd suggest moving into the bunker and learning something from a communication system that would surely be there. Find the real enemy now, and plan ways to fight it and survive. Surely there is a way (or there'd be no story to tell) to defeat them OR to find a place, even this one, that's suited for long-term survival. First, they must learn who or what caused the whole problem in the first place, and they could best do that in the bunker. It's time to stop adding new small enemies and find the big one... then have them get a plan and follow it.
It just doesn't seem to be headed anywhere, Mikey. Don't mean to be critical, but you want honest opinion and advice, right? By this point in the book, you should have an ending in mind. Now you have to let them proceed to work toward that ending without adding any more clutter. :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Yes. The bunker. That is exactly what all the little skirmishes and extras have been, no ending in mind. The original story had them walking out of Yosemite and finding civilization nearby. Then I went off on some tangents. So, yes, ending coming up. I like the purple unicorns. Do they have psychic abilities too? Seriously, critical is good. I would probably have them on the space station by now if not for critical. Thank you, mikey
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I would probably have them on the space station by now if not for critical.
ROFL! :)
