Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "New Friends & Who's The Enemy"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from nordicgirl
Somehow this keeps getting better and better. It all seems so completely plausablle and real. With each inevitable addition to the camp comes new pissibilities for conflict as well as help. A lot of military influence now. The situation is bound to give them weight in the groups eyes. NG
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Somehow this keeps getting better and better. It all seems so completely plausablle and real. With each inevitable addition to the camp comes new pissibilities for conflict as well as help. A lot of military influence now. The situation is bound to give them weight in the groups eyes. NG
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
This is becoming fascinating! I have no idea where you're going, but it's making a lot more sense, and I'm intrigued to read on and find out. Just a suggestion: you tend to get mixed up on "there, they're, & their." Many people do. A good editor will fix this for you, but I'd suggest asking someone who knows the difference to explain it to you. It's pretty simple, but it does jolt me out of the story when it's misused. I assume it will do the same with others. Once you have it explained, you'll get it, & then you won't have to worry about it. My husband is the same way - he hated English class, but functioned well as an attorney for many years. You're not alone. This chapter was excellent, and I can see how you may be able to make this into a very publishable novel.
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This is becoming fascinating! I have no idea where you're going, but it's making a lot more sense, and I'm intrigued to read on and find out. Just a suggestion: you tend to get mixed up on "there, they're, & their." Many people do. A good editor will fix this for you, but I'd suggest asking someone who knows the difference to explain it to you. It's pretty simple, but it does jolt me out of the story when it's misused. I assume it will do the same with others. Once you have it explained, you'll get it, & then you won't have to worry about it. My husband is the same way - he hated English class, but functioned well as an attorney for many years. You're not alone. This chapter was excellent, and I can see how you may be able to make this into a very publishable novel.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I think you guys have the right idea. It is the land that is important. They are willing to kill so many people because there are so many misplaced people around the world. Johnny's group has military trained personal. That will be a help.
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I think you guys have the right idea. It is the land that is important. They are willing to kill so many people because there are so many misplaced people around the world. Johnny's group has military trained personal. That will be a help.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from 24chas
Okay, I've got kick my brain into gear and try to figure out the enemy. This was a mind-blowing chapter to be sure. Love the dream squad.
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Okay, I've got kick my brain into gear and try to figure out the enemy. This was a mind-blowing chapter to be sure. Love the dream squad.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from CR Delport
This is now really getting interesting and moving forward at a nice pace. Just a few suggestions:
I would reword this, but this is just me, so this is just a suggestion:
Carlos kept slowly advancing along with the other soldiers. --- Carlos advanced along with the other soldiers. Their movement was slow, but deliberate.
I signaled my people "don't a muscle". --- don't pull a muscle? :)
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This is now really getting interesting and moving forward at a nice pace. Just a few suggestions:
I would reword this, but this is just me, so this is just a suggestion:
Carlos kept slowly advancing along with the other soldiers. --- Carlos advanced along with the other soldiers. Their movement was slow, but deliberate.
I signaled my people "don't a muscle". --- don't pull a muscle? :)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from faragon
Well written. I am enjoying the story more and more. It's at times like a mystery...what will come into the camp next? Who or what is the enemy? Holding my interest well.
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Well written. I am enjoying the story more and more. It's at times like a mystery...what will come into the camp next? Who or what is the enemy? Holding my interest well.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
A bunch of renegade dream weavers ... that curse and come true, interesting. This chapter fills in a lot of the blanks. So, the enemy can input thought telepathically, mind games. Maybe, these stragglers should not be trusted. They are controlled, manipulated by their maybe, faLse dreams which seem real. So the Russians have control of the Bombers and make false food drops and bomb them to smitherines. Like Conan the Barbarian's father once said, pointing at his broad sword. "Trust no one but this!" pertaining to the steel sword he held firmly in his grip. I would be weary of these dreamers ... sleep with your eyes opened Johnny boy.
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A bunch of renegade dream weavers ... that curse and come true, interesting. This chapter fills in a lot of the blanks. So, the enemy can input thought telepathically, mind games. Maybe, these stragglers should not be trusted. They are controlled, manipulated by their maybe, faLse dreams which seem real. So the Russians have control of the Bombers and make false food drops and bomb them to smitherines. Like Conan the Barbarian's father once said, pointing at his broad sword. "Trust no one but this!" pertaining to the steel sword he held firmly in his grip. I would be weary of these dreamers ... sleep with your eyes opened Johnny boy.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from seaglass
Implanted thoughts makes sense. I've recently watched documentaries about studies of technology reading minds so why would it not be possible to feed minds. You are in for a long book here, I think. You've opened Pandora's box
One phrase you might want to rewrite-("The enemy works for me.") The first time I read it I took it that she employed the enemy." Then I got it. Just might want to say it different, like-("That works for me.")
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Implanted thoughts makes sense. I've recently watched documentaries about studies of technology reading minds so why would it not be possible to feed minds. You are in for a long book here, I think. You've opened Pandora's box
One phrase you might want to rewrite-("The enemy works for me.") The first time I read it I took it that she employed the enemy." Then I got it. Just might want to say it different, like-("That works for me.")
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
