History and Myth
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "A Pirate's Tale"Poems that tell stories of long ago
31 total reviews
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Tom, I really enjoyed reading this adventure tale from the voice of a young boy who grew to love the sea, even though it was as a law-breaking pirate who would end up on the gallows. It's fascinating to read about a life so foreign to my own. Part of the reason it's enjoyable to read is that the dialect is done really well and sounds genuine.
I noticed a couple of what I think are typos that you may have overlooked:
The title is misspelled at the top ("Priate" - PIRATE)
In Sonnet VI "transend" [TRANSCEND]
Also in Sonnet VI "balzin" eighty guns [did you mean BLAZIN'?]
In a couple of places, the meter seemed off to me:
VI: "Surprised by a large British Man-of-War". [I think substituting "one" instead of "a" would fix it]
VII: "I should have behaved differently somehow." [Don't know what to suggest here.]
I found the Crown of Sonnets such a challenge that I don't know how you finished one this quickly after entering so late. (Maybe you've had it warming up in the bullpen for awhile, though,) Again, this was a delightful read. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Tom, I really enjoyed reading this adventure tale from the voice of a young boy who grew to love the sea, even though it was as a law-breaking pirate who would end up on the gallows. It's fascinating to read about a life so foreign to my own. Part of the reason it's enjoyable to read is that the dialect is done really well and sounds genuine.
I noticed a couple of what I think are typos that you may have overlooked:
The title is misspelled at the top ("Priate" - PIRATE)
In Sonnet VI "transend" [TRANSCEND]
Also in Sonnet VI "balzin" eighty guns [did you mean BLAZIN'?]
In a couple of places, the meter seemed off to me:
VI: "Surprised by a large British Man-of-War". [I think substituting "one" instead of "a" would fix it]
VII: "I should have behaved differently somehow." [Don't know what to suggest here.]
I found the Crown of Sonnets such a challenge that I don't know how you finished one this quickly after entering so late. (Maybe you've had it warming up in the bullpen for awhile, though,) Again, this was a delightful read. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much Jeanie for catching these for me. I appreciate it greatly. I fixed them all. I replaced " behaved" with "acted".
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Thank you so much Jeanie for catching these for me. I appreciate it greatly. I fixed them all. I replaced " behaved" with "acted".
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Tom, Ms. Snoopynose here neglected to mention one other thing I noticed: In Sonnet I, beginning with line 9 ("Me dad was always drunk when na at sea"), lines 9 and 11 do not rhyme ("sea" and "hag"). In a work of this length one can get so bleary-eyed it's easy to overlook something like that again and again. Just couldn't pass by without mentioning this.
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Thanks Jeanie. It had already be pointed out to me, I just haven't figured out how to fix that one yet.
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A I just figured it out and fixed it. Lost a bit of color, but it rhymes now.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Treischel,
A good crown of sonnets. Quite a challenge in itself, and you've chosen a good tale to tell in it. It often strikes me as interesting that some pirates did survive to enjoy their spoils - Captain Morgan being one that comes readily to mind - yet it did seem to depend on 'connections' back home and often the crews, including cabin boys, danced the jig while the leader 'retired' to enjoy the spoils.
Patrick
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Hi Treischel,
A good crown of sonnets. Quite a challenge in itself, and you've chosen a good tale to tell in it. It often strikes me as interesting that some pirates did survive to enjoy their spoils - Captain Morgan being one that comes readily to mind - yet it did seem to depend on 'connections' back home and often the crews, including cabin boys, danced the jig while the leader 'retired' to enjoy the spoils.
Patrick
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you Patrick. So true!
Comment from ChowChow
I see before me pirates that do anything and all. Even Johnny Depp at one place or the other, appears. Burt Lancaster comes to mind as well. Being from the older generation, and making a handsome pirate. His swashbuckling was something in a dream, with all he did for and to everyone. Thank you for sharing and bringing back some happy memories. chowchow
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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I see before me pirates that do anything and all. Even Johnny Depp at one place or the other, appears. Burt Lancaster comes to mind as well. Being from the older generation, and making a handsome pirate. His swashbuckling was something in a dream, with all he did for and to everyone. Thank you for sharing and bringing back some happy memories. chowchow
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you ChowChow for this wonderful review.
Comment from DonandVicki
Well written heroic sonnet and quite the heroic effort. I have yet to try one of these, because I know how much time and effort that it take. Good historical poetic write and a delight to read. Don
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Well written heroic sonnet and quite the heroic effort. I have yet to try one of these, because I know how much time and effort that it take. Good historical poetic write and a delight to read. Don
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you Don.
Comment from Dirus
NIce work again. I liked th epoem it had good meing and good visual. All looks well. Keep up the nice work and thank you for the good read. :)
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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NIce work again. I liked th epoem it had good meing and good visual. All looks well. Keep up the nice work and thank you for the good read. :)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you Dirus
Comment from Robin Gilmor
wow Tom, not your usual write. I commend you for not only the form, but the tale and the adventurous vocabulary that you managed to include. This is truly some undertaking. With a few tweaks here and there you have an absolutely beautiful story. Smiles, Robin :)
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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wow Tom, not your usual write. I commend you for not only the form, but the tale and the adventurous vocabulary that you managed to include. This is truly some undertaking. With a few tweaks here and there you have an absolutely beautiful story. Smiles, Robin :)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you Robin. I appreciate the review and stars.
Comment from trimple
Hi tom a fabulous swashbuckling tale you have written here.
It reeks of the ole Pirate days and the life at sea.
You may want to take another look at this ..
'Me dad was always drunk when na at (sea.)
At least the man me mum said was me pop.
'Course couldn't always trust that old sea (hag,)
Her visits by strange men would never stop.
For rhyme's sake.
A fantastic entry to the heroic crown of sonnets competition
i wish you luck
kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Hi tom a fabulous swashbuckling tale you have written here.
It reeks of the ole Pirate days and the life at sea.
You may want to take another look at this ..
'Me dad was always drunk when na at (sea.)
At least the man me mum said was me pop.
'Course couldn't always trust that old sea (hag,)
Her visits by strange men would never stop.
For rhyme's sake.
A fantastic entry to the heroic crown of sonnets competition
i wish you luck
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks Tracy. Hmm, I guess I missed that one.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
A PIRATE'S TALE
LOVE these bits: Part 1
A pirate's plight
Much misdirection wrapped me in this twine,
crime and grime,
stealin' throwin'
'Course couldn't always trust that old sea hag,
Her visits by strange men would never stop.
whate're WHAT 'ERE
And hung (FORESHADOWING HERE?)with those
Part 2:
I grew ta hang about along the peers.PIERS
The Bosun tossed me overboard at first,
'Twas hauled upon the poop deck , where I cursed
Me fate in parley that changed everything.
Ta carry grog an HOLY STONE the deck,
Part 3:
boredom for a boy.
Me guts took weeks ta git all nausea free
I hugged the rail
Had ta avoid the grasp of dirty men,
I grew ta be an ocean-huggin man.
Part 4:
But they WERE# left when ERE the sea would sing.
Our quarry knew THEY'S chased by buccaneer.
Ta force the prize ta slowly swing about.
Then sent them off ta visit Davy Jones.
Part 5:
And spend the loot in pure debauchery
And captured GALLIED ships upon the main.
cruel cohorts.
So, many fools were drawn into the fire.
A life that's ruled by MUSKET and the sword
Part 6:
Expectin evil actions ta transend,
It came DOWNWIND with blazin eighty guns,
And put our PRIZED corsair ta SUDDEN shame.
Caught in their BERTHS each bloody mother's son
Then sentenced by the court ta "Dance the Jig".
Part 7:
friends/family didn't care a fig,
Calamity concludes this circumstance
Hindsight regrets the choices that I made.
While misbegotten fame and fortune fade,
Like, maybe should've gone ta Sunday school,
'CAUSE now the gibbet and the rope are mine.
Bravo! A tour de force!
Regards:
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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A PIRATE'S TALE
LOVE these bits: Part 1
A pirate's plight
Much misdirection wrapped me in this twine,
crime and grime,
stealin' throwin'
'Course couldn't always trust that old sea hag,
Her visits by strange men would never stop.
whate're WHAT 'ERE
And hung (FORESHADOWING HERE?)with those
Part 2:
I grew ta hang about along the peers.PIERS
The Bosun tossed me overboard at first,
'Twas hauled upon the poop deck , where I cursed
Me fate in parley that changed everything.
Ta carry grog an HOLY STONE the deck,
Part 3:
boredom for a boy.
Me guts took weeks ta git all nausea free
I hugged the rail
Had ta avoid the grasp of dirty men,
I grew ta be an ocean-huggin man.
Part 4:
But they WERE# left when ERE the sea would sing.
Our quarry knew THEY'S chased by buccaneer.
Ta force the prize ta slowly swing about.
Then sent them off ta visit Davy Jones.
Part 5:
And spend the loot in pure debauchery
And captured GALLIED ships upon the main.
cruel cohorts.
So, many fools were drawn into the fire.
A life that's ruled by MUSKET and the sword
Part 6:
Expectin evil actions ta transend,
It came DOWNWIND with blazin eighty guns,
And put our PRIZED corsair ta SUDDEN shame.
Caught in their BERTHS each bloody mother's son
Then sentenced by the court ta "Dance the Jig".
Part 7:
friends/family didn't care a fig,
Calamity concludes this circumstance
Hindsight regrets the choices that I made.
While misbegotten fame and fortune fade,
Like, maybe should've gone ta Sunday school,
'CAUSE now the gibbet and the rope are mine.
Bravo! A tour de force!
Regards:
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you Stephen. I like several of your suggestions. Appreciate that rating too.
Comment from ravenblack
You really tell a good , swashbuckling tale here. Vernacular is tough to pull off without sounding, well, dumb but you do it here and stay true to your pirate's voice. Not a biggie, but every time you end a word with -in instead of -ing, you need an apostrophe. I would hate to see someone deduct stars because of it. And I am glad that you did not really turn it into a morality tale. Well done crown of sonnets.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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You really tell a good , swashbuckling tale here. Vernacular is tough to pull off without sounding, well, dumb but you do it here and stay true to your pirate's voice. Not a biggie, but every time you end a word with -in instead of -ing, you need an apostrophe. I would hate to see someone deduct stars because of it. And I am glad that you did not really turn it into a morality tale. Well done crown of sonnets.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you ravenblack. Good point.
Comment from rod007
Live by the sword, die by it is the moral of this well told poem of piracy, killing, stealing and debauchery. I suppose the final end to the young man was befitting to the life he chose to lead. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Live by the sword, die by it is the moral of this well told poem of piracy, killing, stealing and debauchery. I suppose the final end to the young man was befitting to the life he chose to lead. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you rod, glad you enjoyed it.
