The Crying
The portrait terrified him so.48 total reviews
Comment from Twilightspire
Absolutely stunning. This reminded me so much of a Stephen King short, can't remember the name, but it was about a painting that showed a demon guy coming for the owner of the painting.
This story was far better than that short. It was made that much more freaky because everyone has a painting or a picture like that, that is too damn creepy for words, but someone decides it would look good over the mantle.
I loved that you made the protagonist a paranormal investigator and a skeptic. Not only did you add plenty of creepy details, but you gave us all a moment of...ummm...did she really leave the painting behind? Did she dream it? Or was it seriously sinister and wanted to stay where it was.
I also enjoyed the specifics you added. Such as: What the boys had for dinner (TV dinners and Pepsi). That type of attention to detail is what really sells a story.
Nice work on the pic also. Yeesh. Now I am going to have nightmares.
Excellent work and good luck in the contest!
-T.J.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Absolutely stunning. This reminded me so much of a Stephen King short, can't remember the name, but it was about a painting that showed a demon guy coming for the owner of the painting.
This story was far better than that short. It was made that much more freaky because everyone has a painting or a picture like that, that is too damn creepy for words, but someone decides it would look good over the mantle.
I loved that you made the protagonist a paranormal investigator and a skeptic. Not only did you add plenty of creepy details, but you gave us all a moment of...ummm...did she really leave the painting behind? Did she dream it? Or was it seriously sinister and wanted to stay where it was.
I also enjoyed the specifics you added. Such as: What the boys had for dinner (TV dinners and Pepsi). That type of attention to detail is what really sells a story.
Nice work on the pic also. Yeesh. Now I am going to have nightmares.
Excellent work and good luck in the contest!
-T.J.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, T.J., I appreciate that very much! I'm really glad you liked this. I think the short you are referring to is from King's Nightmares and Dreamscapes, entitled "The Road Virus Heads North". It's about a celebrated writer who realizes the demonic figure in the painting he's just acquired, is changing to show that it's onto the same stretch of road he's on.
I'm flattered that you liked mine better! (LOL)
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Thank you so much! That had been driving me crazy since yesterday. I dug through my personal library searching for my copy of Nightmares and Dreamscapes to no avail. Your story was so much better, as I said, but The Road Virus Heads North was a good one.
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Yeah, I really liked that one. Of course, there's very little written by the guy I don't like, heh heh. I'm anxiously awaiting his newest book, Mr. Mercedes, due out very soon. I've already read Dr. Sleep (Excellent!) and Joyride, his crime/thriller fiction noir book. It was great as well, but different.
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I haven't read Joyride yet. Different how? Would you recommend it?
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Oh yeah, I would highly recommend it. And it is different in a good way. Check it out, when you get the chance. You'll love it, I promise, T.J.
Comment from barleygirl
Not sure if this is a true ghost story, but it's an excellent story, no matter what. The events are told with clarity & easy to imagine, the story is compelling from start to finish. There was often a sense of suspense as the story went along. Good story crafting here, even tho it's true. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Not sure if this is a true ghost story, but it's an excellent story, no matter what. The events are told with clarity & easy to imagine, the story is compelling from start to finish. There was often a sense of suspense as the story went along. Good story crafting here, even tho it's true. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you, barleygirl. I'm really glad you enjoyed this. Parts are true, some parts are not. That's why I listed it as supernatural fiction. But everything I wrote about that first encounter with her portrait is true, I still get chills just thinking about it!
Comment from victor 66
A very good story filled with fear and the need to continue the read to see where the plot goes. I think of Rod Serling's night gallery. I believe this portrait would have fit in this gallery very well. Good luck.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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A very good story filled with fear and the need to continue the read to see where the plot goes. I think of Rod Serling's night gallery. I believe this portrait would have fit in this gallery very well. Good luck.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Night Gallery -- great analogy, Vic. I loved that series, especially season One. I have it all on blu-ray in a box set.
Thanks for the kind comments, and detailed review. Much appreciated.
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I have all the Twilight Zones. but Night Gallery was still very good. Take care Dean.
Comment from JBCaine
Author X-
Nicely done, right down to the author's notes. A good read, and I noticed nothing needing correction.
Written with just the right touch of sarcasm to keep it from being completely creepy, you really did a fine job. Hope the contest goes well for you.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Author X-
Nicely done, right down to the author's notes. A good read, and I noticed nothing needing correction.
Written with just the right touch of sarcasm to keep it from being completely creepy, you really did a fine job. Hope the contest goes well for you.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, J.B., I hope so too! I really appreciate the gracious review, and the kind comments. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from I.T creatives
A slick and haunting tale , with the focus on the
painting.
this i enjoyed ,gripping as it depicts the unique
power of art.
Imagination and flair.
Could have been a touch more of a shock.
otherwise beautiful in it's Gothic wrapper.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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A slick and haunting tale , with the focus on the
painting.
this i enjoyed ,gripping as it depicts the unique
power of art.
Imagination and flair.
Could have been a touch more of a shock.
otherwise beautiful in it's Gothic wrapper.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, I.T creatives. I tried to keep as close to the way things actually went down as I possibly could. Hence, the ending. But, I'm glad you liked it overall, and I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from LonnieBricker
Excellent read.
Some notes as I read:
Typo: The moment was immo(r)talized
More of an opinion than something wrong, but you could combine the following two lines into one and lose (she would angrily castigate him). Just seems repetitive to me.
However, his mother would hear none of it, and scolded him. "Calm down, it's just a harmless painting, for Heaven's sake(.)" (she would angrily castigate him.)
Again, personal preference... Watch extra words:
It was on a drab and dreary Friday afternoon when dad and his two younger brothers arrived home from school to find it hanging there.
That could be:
Dad and his two younger brothers discovered it when they arrived home on a drab and dreary Friday afternoon
A couple of adverbs in the following sentence that kinda mean the same thing: (Inevitably), however, his eyes were (inexorably) drawn to grandma's newest acquisition to the home's decor.
As I said in the beginning, excellent read. You use a few too many adverbs for my taste, but that's all it is--my taste. Hope you win!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Excellent read.
Some notes as I read:
Typo: The moment was immo(r)talized
More of an opinion than something wrong, but you could combine the following two lines into one and lose (she would angrily castigate him). Just seems repetitive to me.
However, his mother would hear none of it, and scolded him. "Calm down, it's just a harmless painting, for Heaven's sake(.)" (she would angrily castigate him.)
Again, personal preference... Watch extra words:
It was on a drab and dreary Friday afternoon when dad and his two younger brothers arrived home from school to find it hanging there.
That could be:
Dad and his two younger brothers discovered it when they arrived home on a drab and dreary Friday afternoon
A couple of adverbs in the following sentence that kinda mean the same thing: (Inevitably), however, his eyes were (inexorably) drawn to grandma's newest acquisition to the home's decor.
As I said in the beginning, excellent read. You use a few too many adverbs for my taste, but that's all it is--my taste. Hope you win!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Lonnie, I realize I do tend to get a little wordy sometimes. I'm trying to work on that. Sometimes, less is more, right?
Thanks for the great review and for your suggestions.
Comment from amahra
Fantastic story. I loved the way it began. You've shone you know exactly how to right that first sentence to pull and entice a reader to read on. Loved the author notes with a scare that it might show up on our property someday. Great.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Fantastic story. I loved the way it began. You've shone you know exactly how to right that first sentence to pull and entice a reader to read on. Loved the author notes with a scare that it might show up on our property someday. Great.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, amahra, and I certainly hope not! I wouldn't wish that thing on anyone.
I appreciate the outstanding review.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Good story but I don't believe in the paranormal. LOL
However you did weave a great ghost story that affected three Generations of a family. Great imagery . Nancy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Good story but I don't believe in the paranormal. LOL
However you did weave a great ghost story that affected three Generations of a family. Great imagery . Nancy
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Nancy. I'm glad you took a gander at it.
Comment from Joe Ehret
An interesting story. Most evil painting stories end up with the creep little girl murder-izing everyone or at least trying to, so it's nice to read something that takes a turn away from the usual. You do a good job of not rushing the punchline. The phone call between Chelsea and her Grandma, for instance, could easily have been cut down to just Grandma saying something and Chelsea suddenly freaking out, but you gave it time to breath and develop.
My only complaint is that you sometimes get a little wordy. "she would angrily castigate him", for example. Castigation is already a harsh act, so doing so angrily is a bit redundant.
However, all told, it was a fun story. Good luck in the contest.
As for the basis in truth, is this your story or did someone else tell it to you?
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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An interesting story. Most evil painting stories end up with the creep little girl murder-izing everyone or at least trying to, so it's nice to read something that takes a turn away from the usual. You do a good job of not rushing the punchline. The phone call between Chelsea and her Grandma, for instance, could easily have been cut down to just Grandma saying something and Chelsea suddenly freaking out, but you gave it time to breath and develop.
My only complaint is that you sometimes get a little wordy. "she would angrily castigate him", for example. Castigation is already a harsh act, so doing so angrily is a bit redundant.
However, all told, it was a fun story. Good luck in the contest.
As for the basis in truth, is this your story or did someone else tell it to you?
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Joe, I appreciate the comments and suggestions. All are taken to heart, my friend. The story is based on an actual painting we had in our home as I was growing up. The characteristics I described concerning the way it changed, and the wet tear drops -- all true.
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Gotta love a true story haha.
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:>]
Yep, I know I do.
Comment from lindalcreel
This is a great story, but it's amazing that it's true. I don't doubt anything about what happened, because I've had some strange experiences myself in the past. I can promise you this - that painting won't ever make it to my house. LOL
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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This is a great story, but it's amazing that it's true. I don't doubt anything about what happened, because I've had some strange experiences myself in the past. I can promise you this - that painting won't ever make it to my house. LOL
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Linda, and I would hope not. You wouldn't like it very much if it ever did, lol.
Thanks for the great review, I appreciate it.
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My pleasure:)
