Cold Metal
Homeless Veteran70 total reviews
Comment from Jackarrie
This is a brilliant poem, we call them survivors, but really how can they be called that with their life of hell. Wars are so unnecessary. It is about time that we tried more dialogue, and less guns.
Well done Mary.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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This is a brilliant poem, we call them survivors, but really how can they be called that with their life of hell. Wars are so unnecessary. It is about time that we tried more dialogue, and less guns.
Well done Mary.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Mary, for your great review. I appreciate it!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
So many soldiers came home that way. The sights they saw would drive any sane person mad. And what help did they get? Even now many are left to get on with it. So wrong. I thought your poem brought this across just right. Well done. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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So many soldiers came home that way. The sights they saw would drive any sane person mad. And what help did they get? Even now many are left to get on with it. So wrong. I thought your poem brought this across just right. Well done. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Sandra. I appreciate the great review.
Comment from vapros
Great work, David. For only a few more years, the veterans of the Great War will be among us. They arrive at various ends, but so many have made the same journey. I'm gratified to see any tributes paid, and yours is extremely well done. Thanks -
Bill
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Great work, David. For only a few more years, the veterans of the Great War will be among us. They arrive at various ends, but so many have made the same journey. I'm gratified to see any tributes paid, and yours is extremely well done. Thanks -
Bill
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Bill, I really appreciate that, my friend. Thank you so much for your sixer, and for your always welcome insights.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
We can only imagine what they experienced in those bloody wars. Seeing their friends blown to bits. Hearing the cries of the wounded and being unable to help them. Fearing for their own life every minute of the day and night. We should give them a better life than becoming a beggar on the street.The Picture is so sad and your words are so true. I wish I had a six to show my approval of the thoughts behind this poem. Well done David. Nancy
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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We can only imagine what they experienced in those bloody wars. Seeing their friends blown to bits. Hearing the cries of the wounded and being unable to help them. Fearing for their own life every minute of the day and night. We should give them a better life than becoming a beggar on the street.The Picture is so sad and your words are so true. I wish I had a six to show my approval of the thoughts behind this poem. Well done David. Nancy
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Nancy, for your kind thoughts and great review. I appreciate it.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
LOVE these bits:
rush home to be with families and fires
Friday/fade/frigid shade of night.
bustling/buyers,
executives convening for a bite-- Love 'convening'
a coffee can in hand, The resonance entices
bloody beach
as NAZIS gunned them down
shrapnel/ salt/ sting;
metal's hiss-and-ping.
The coins that drop INTO his coffee can
are like A RHAPSODY of ricochets
A bit stiff in parts but overall a wonderful expose.
Regards:
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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LOVE these bits:
rush home to be with families and fires
Friday/fade/frigid shade of night.
bustling/buyers,
executives convening for a bite-- Love 'convening'
a coffee can in hand, The resonance entices
bloody beach
as NAZIS gunned them down
shrapnel/ salt/ sting;
metal's hiss-and-ping.
The coins that drop INTO his coffee can
are like A RHAPSODY of ricochets
A bit stiff in parts but overall a wonderful expose.
Regards:
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Stephen, for your great review and for your suggestion, but I actually think orchestra of ricochets is thte strongest phrase of the poem.
Comment from fastdigits
A thoughtful bit of prose artistically
and poetically structured in words
that cut into the heart for all of
us who have seen what you write of,
scars that remain forever, and the
unseeing masses who do not see the
forgotten veteran, too busy texting
or emailing.
Well done
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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A thoughtful bit of prose artistically
and poetically structured in words
that cut into the heart for all of
us who have seen what you write of,
scars that remain forever, and the
unseeing masses who do not see the
forgotten veteran, too busy texting
or emailing.
Well done
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for your great and insightful review.
Comment from Showboat
Hello David,
Hope all is well. Stark poem and one that is growing by the day. The homeless here in the Palm Springs area is hard to fathom. They come here because the weather is warm, I guess. Hard to imagine in this country, but we're going to see a lot more of it before we're out the other side!
Great one, thanks for sharing,
Gayle
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Hello David,
Hope all is well. Stark poem and one that is growing by the day. The homeless here in the Palm Springs area is hard to fathom. They come here because the weather is warm, I guess. Hard to imagine in this country, but we're going to see a lot more of it before we're out the other side!
Great one, thanks for sharing,
Gayle
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Gayle, for your great review. Yes, when I was in L.A., they were all over Santa Monica.
Comment from Kingsland
I find that in life many people just give up and in to the hardness that encompasses them. I liked this poem and the way you have written it. It has excellent imagery and it flows well within its thoughts and phrases. This was an excellent over all piece of poetic art... John
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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I find that in life many people just give up and in to the hardness that encompasses them. I liked this poem and the way you have written it. It has excellent imagery and it flows well within its thoughts and phrases. This was an excellent over all piece of poetic art... John
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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John, I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment from barleygirl
This is a well-crafted poem filled with details drawn with vivid imagery. This is brilliant writing & imagination:
"The coins that drop now in his coffee can
are like the orchestra of ricochets
around him on that beach, where every man
expected he would be the next to die."
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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This is a well-crafted poem filled with details drawn with vivid imagery. This is brilliant writing & imagination:
"The coins that drop now in his coffee can
are like the orchestra of ricochets
around him on that beach, where every man
expected he would be the next to die."
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, barley girl!
Comment from The Death
It is disheartening to see such plight of those people who serve their life for the nation.
Your narration makes the scenes easy to visualize and one can almost see the world through his eyes.
He can understand and read the people's face for he has been there too. Time changed everything and now he is homeless but not helpless.
People underestimate his strength but he is a metal man...now chilled.
I love how you described the sound of falling coin as orchestra.
Perfect ending to this well crafted poem.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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It is disheartening to see such plight of those people who serve their life for the nation.
Your narration makes the scenes easy to visualize and one can almost see the world through his eyes.
He can understand and read the people's face for he has been there too. Time changed everything and now he is homeless but not helpless.
People underestimate his strength but he is a metal man...now chilled.
I love how you described the sound of falling coin as orchestra.
Perfect ending to this well crafted poem.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Anupam. I really appreciate your great review and wonderful comments!
