An Unfinished Man
Thank God chicks dig scars. ;)45 total reviews
Comment from Tatarka2
Once again, I don't want to give away all my 6's - but still - this is so close to perfect, I think. I can see him, and you make me feel where he's been. Reminds me of my days as a hospital social worker, working with young men with spinal cord injuries, usually from motorcycle or car accidents, or farm injuries.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Once again, I don't want to give away all my 6's - but still - this is so close to perfect, I think. I can see him, and you make me feel where he's been. Reminds me of my days as a hospital social worker, working with young men with spinal cord injuries, usually from motorcycle or car accidents, or farm injuries.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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I'm honored, Tatarka, to receive your sixes, my friend. Thanks so much for this, your intuitive thoughts, and your great review! :)
Comment from ccto12
Great poem Marillion. You describe his outer visage so well and the corresponding inner fighting spirit it tries to contain. A life lived hard with all the tell-tale signs to show for that. Your writing is so vivid with the line "basal cell incisions, razor blights" and I love your use of depicting his slowly gained (in his later years) wisdom by finally taming, via cauterization, his reckless nature. A believable portrait.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Great poem Marillion. You describe his outer visage so well and the corresponding inner fighting spirit it tries to contain. A life lived hard with all the tell-tale signs to show for that. Your writing is so vivid with the line "basal cell incisions, razor blights" and I love your use of depicting his slowly gained (in his later years) wisdom by finally taming, via cauterization, his reckless nature. A believable portrait.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for your wonderfully insightful review, ccto12. You nailed it, my friend.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Perfect meter and syllable count . A man who's proud of every imperfection earned in the course of being a man. Great imagery, loved the last verse especially! A real action figure guy. LOL well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Perfect meter and syllable count . A man who's proud of every imperfection earned in the course of being a man. Great imagery, loved the last verse especially! A real action figure guy. LOL well done. Nancy
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Nancy, for that great review. I love it! David
Comment from Winslow
Dear Marillion,
Oh youth now gone when I was bold and foolish. The map of adventures scar my face, but I love them and wish I could add some more today.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Dear Marillion,
Oh youth now gone when I was bold and foolish. The map of adventures scar my face, but I love them and wish I could add some more today.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Same here, my friend. Thanks so much, Winslow.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"Beneath the feather-breeze -- a ghostly chill.
I rise, accustomed to the daily ache..."-Marillion
I loved the above lines, my talented friend. This 'ache' of which you write could be physical, spiritual, or philosophical, and you leave that up to your readers to decide. Interaction works wonders, no matter what forum in which it's utilized.
We're never completed works until that day we take our final breath. None of us...
It is in my will--and with a bad heart at 54 years of age, you bet I have one!--that this epitaph be carved into my headstone.
"Construction completed-
Thank you for your patience--
Sorry for the inconvenience."
Wonderfully done, David.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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"Beneath the feather-breeze -- a ghostly chill.
I rise, accustomed to the daily ache..."-Marillion
I loved the above lines, my talented friend. This 'ache' of which you write could be physical, spiritual, or philosophical, and you leave that up to your readers to decide. Interaction works wonders, no matter what forum in which it's utilized.
We're never completed works until that day we take our final breath. None of us...
It is in my will--and with a bad heart at 54 years of age, you bet I have one!--that this epitaph be carved into my headstone.
"Construction completed-
Thank you for your patience--
Sorry for the inconvenience."
Wonderfully done, David.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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What an excellent review, Dean. Thanks so much for the kind words, the spirit, and the smile, my friend. Stay dark, brother. :)
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It was my pleasure, David. And I swear, if that inscription isn't carved, I WILL come back and haunt those responsible for its omission, LOL.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
The slow propellers of a nowhere man
Its light emits a harsh, fluorescent truth
And as I aged I cauterized the trait
Of sprinting recklessly with blow-torch eyes,
Of perfect imperfections -- give me more.
Love all those lines and more. You really have a way with words, as they say. You must think in poetry to have it pour out so naturally. Or do you struggle, with a thesaurus open at all times? I'm guessing the first. :)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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The slow propellers of a nowhere man
Its light emits a harsh, fluorescent truth
And as I aged I cauterized the trait
Of sprinting recklessly with blow-torch eyes,
Of perfect imperfections -- give me more.
Love all those lines and more. You really have a way with words, as they say. You must think in poetry to have it pour out so naturally. Or do you struggle, with a thesaurus open at all times? I'm guessing the first. :)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much for that, Phyllis, the sixer and the very kind words. When I'm inspired, it does pour out, but when I'm struggling, it feels like a trip to the dentist. I actually try never to use a thesaurus or rhyming dictionary, as it can lend an artificiality to a poem, but on occasion, I'll submit. Of course the last time I did it bit me because I misused the word for the context. Lesson learned. :) Thanks again. Looking forward to reviewing the next chapter, which I'll do at lunch.
Comment from pipersfancy
This reminds me a bit of the Beatles, 'Nowhere Man' with the theme of life moving along, extracting its price from us all. However, you have imbued your work with a far greater sense of hopefulness than is in the song lyrics. There is no leaving you behind, no sense of isolation, while the world moves on and around and about you. I'm glad you speak of basal cell incisions past tense, and hope is all well now. In any one of its many forms, it can be a frightening thing to face.
It's a good write, David. A really good write.
Christina
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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This reminds me a bit of the Beatles, 'Nowhere Man' with the theme of life moving along, extracting its price from us all. However, you have imbued your work with a far greater sense of hopefulness than is in the song lyrics. There is no leaving you behind, no sense of isolation, while the world moves on and around and about you. I'm glad you speak of basal cell incisions past tense, and hope is all well now. In any one of its many forms, it can be a frightening thing to face.
It's a good write, David. A really good write.
Christina
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Christina, as you nailed the overriding message. I wanted it to seem a little mournful at first, and then end on a high note. You took it exactly how I'd hope. I appreciate that, and the vaunted sixer.
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
This guy doesn't quit, he's a fighter who goes down on top. A fascinating character study in sestets, visually and audio friendly. Kenny
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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This guy doesn't quit, he's a fighter who goes down on top. A fascinating character study in sestets, visually and audio friendly. Kenny
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Damn right, my friend. Thanks so much, Kenny! I appreciate it!
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A Marine, by any chance?
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Force Recon, brother. Semper Fi.
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No wonder--uh uh, 101st airborne. All the way.
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It's all the same team, my friend.
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I read a couple of books on Chesty Puller; He's my model of the perfect Marine. Yes, we are.
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There's never been a better one!
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Florida's got more Marines, than's passed San Diego. My best friend's a Marine, and your verse describes him to a tee.
Comment from Millibrad
Ah youth, and the choices we make. I like the feather-breeze of the fan, the personification of the mirror waiting and blow-torch eyes. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Ah youth, and the choices we make. I like the feather-breeze of the fan, the personification of the mirror waiting and blow-torch eyes. Great job.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Millibrad.
Comment from James Dooney
I think you speak for us all here buddy. We are all unfinished creations, for we are always changing, growing and developing !
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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I think you speak for us all here buddy. We are all unfinished creations, for we are always changing, growing and developing !
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, James. Preach it, brother!
