Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Sunka Moon, Part Two"Murder Mystery
38 total reviews
Comment from Showboat
Oh Bev,
I really loved this one - sooo tense, and I loved that you got across how graphic the pictures were without having to describe them!
Super duper job,
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Oh Bev,
I really loved this one - sooo tense, and I loved that you got across how graphic the pictures were without having to describe them!
Super duper job,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Gayle. Always so good to get your perspective on the write. I appreciate your generosity and support. Hugs, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
I thought this was well written, Bev. The story looks as if it is coming to a climax soon. I am anxious to read the next chapters. This is quite a mystery.
April
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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I thought this was well written, Bev. The story looks as if it is coming to a climax soon. I am anxious to read the next chapters. This is quite a mystery.
April
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Hi, April. Thanks so much for your very generous and gracious review. I appreciate your continued support! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
Her limbs resisted movement; (,)but she pushed forward.(I'd use a comma because it's a regular two-clause sentence with the conjunction but.
I love this descriptive sentence: Her temples throbbed from the effort to hold back tears.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Her limbs resisted movement; (,)but she pushed forward.(I'd use a comma because it's a regular two-clause sentence with the conjunction but.
I love this descriptive sentence: Her temples throbbed from the effort to hold back tears.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Hi, JM. Good to hear from you. Thanks for clearing that up for me. I'll happily make the change. I so appreciate your support and generosity, my friend.
Warmest regards, Bev
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Great pleasure.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Bev, a very tense yet exciting chapter. I loved all the interactions at the crime scene. The detectives don't like Dred in the picture, but he is a help. Now Ty's phone call has Jana on edge. Nice crisp and fast paced writing. Well done, friend. Loved it. Luv jada
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Hi Bev, a very tense yet exciting chapter. I loved all the interactions at the crime scene. The detectives don't like Dred in the picture, but he is a help. Now Ty's phone call has Jana on edge. Nice crisp and fast paced writing. Well done, friend. Loved it. Luv jada
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Aw, Jada. Thank you so much for this great review. I'm thrilled you found the chapter exciting. It was mostly psychological action and that can be boring for some readers.
I really appreciate your hanging in with me, my friend. And your generosity really touches my heart.
Hugs, Bev
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My pleasure. Love you friend. jada
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XXXOOO
Comment from JW
This is well written, and this chapter certainly does have an interesting development at this end. Once cannot help but wonder about what's about to develop.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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This is well written, and this chapter certainly does have an interesting development at this end. Once cannot help but wonder about what's about to develop.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you much, Jonathon. I appreciate the support and encouragement. :0) Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
Wow! You've got a lot going on in this chapter. I liked the way you described Jana's reactions to the photos. "and destroy the proof of her family's shame." Almost like the reaction of some cultures towards a rape. Why is the victim shamed, I wonder?
Dred and Jana have a confrontational relationship. He's let her down before.
Lots of tension and drama, Bev. You just keep getting better. Good story, too. Well done, girl!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Wow! You've got a lot going on in this chapter. I liked the way you described Jana's reactions to the photos. "and destroy the proof of her family's shame." Almost like the reaction of some cultures towards a rape. Why is the victim shamed, I wonder?
Dred and Jana have a confrontational relationship. He's let her down before.
Lots of tension and drama, Bev. You just keep getting better. Good story, too. Well done, girl!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you, Adrienne. I always appreciate your unique perspective on the write. The shaming took place when the dead boy, Billy, killed himself due to being molested by a priest. For that culture, such a thing would be hard to understand. Plus it was an act perpetrated against an Native American by a white man - the rape that you mention.
Anyway, I'm glad the chapter held tension. I wondered if it would be boring for some - and undoubtedly it will be - without physical action.
So appreciate your generosity and support, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
You can understand Jana's trepidation
over the pictures, how, if it was made
public, it would kill her grandmother.
another great chapter, Bev - the only
thing I'd mention - if I may - is that
you've overly-used "said", which is
noticeable. Might you consider changing
a few to break them up.
Regards
Margaret
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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You can understand Jana's trepidation
over the pictures, how, if it was made
public, it would kill her grandmother.
another great chapter, Bev - the only
thing I'd mention - if I may - is that
you've overly-used "said", which is
noticeable. Might you consider changing
a few to break them up.
Regards
Margaret
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the suggestion, Margaret. I appreciate your great review and continued support!
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
This is a fine job of showing Jana's embarrassment at the evidence showing her uncle's degradation. Morales tries to turn the page and smooth the path for her. Another outstanding segment of your excellent story.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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This is a fine job of showing Jana's embarrassment at the evidence showing her uncle's degradation. Morales tries to turn the page and smooth the path for her. Another outstanding segment of your excellent story.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, N. I'm pleased you found the chapter enjoyable. Sure appreciate both your support and generosity.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
The dialogue between your characters is so believable. I felt I was right there in the room, seeing things the way the detectives were seeing them. I don't know if that's my imagination or your powerful writing. I suspect it is a healthy combination of the two.
I really liked this sentence: 'For a moment, she felt something try to break through her barriers: a molecule of a memory of what it was like to surrender everything with no hope of gain.' Very evocative.
I look forward to the next installment.
Anthony
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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The dialogue between your characters is so believable. I felt I was right there in the room, seeing things the way the detectives were seeing them. I don't know if that's my imagination or your powerful writing. I suspect it is a healthy combination of the two.
I really liked this sentence: 'For a moment, she felt something try to break through her barriers: a molecule of a memory of what it was like to surrender everything with no hope of gain.' Very evocative.
I look forward to the next installment.
Anthony
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Hi, Anthony. Thank you so very much for highlighting what you liked in the chapter. I find that very helpful. The remaining chapters will get back to the heart of this story for me, the supernatural angle.
Your gracious and generous review is so very much appreciated!
Warmest regards, Bev
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You're very welcome, Bev. Ant.
Comment from CR Delport
The press has the uncanny ability to sniff out things. Sometimes I think they have less scruples than the people they write about. This is another well done chapter and I spotted no obvious errors.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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The press has the uncanny ability to sniff out things. Sometimes I think they have less scruples than the people they write about. This is another well done chapter and I spotted no obvious errors.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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I would agree with you, CR. It's reprehensible what they are willing to print. Thanks so much for your kind and generous review. :0) Bev
