A Cyrano Scenario
A modern Cyrano de Bergerac...with a twist49 total reviews
Comment from trimple
Oh the complications of romance!
Morning songs written by a friend to help him win his love.
The flow of your piece is superb! A sonnetish :)
I particularly loved reading ..
"She?s at the railing, taking in the moon
While, draped in shadow, I await a chance
To croon aubades and sonnets, make her swoon,
Then freight my friend, by proxy, to romance."
You clever bunny you!
kindest regards
tracey trimple:)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Oh the complications of romance!
Morning songs written by a friend to help him win his love.
The flow of your piece is superb! A sonnetish :)
I particularly loved reading ..
"She?s at the railing, taking in the moon
While, draped in shadow, I await a chance
To croon aubades and sonnets, make her swoon,
Then freight my friend, by proxy, to romance."
You clever bunny you!
kindest regards
tracey trimple:)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Tracey, for your generous rating and your wonderfully flattering words. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Aiona
Another lovely poem that definitely gives Cyrano a bit more swagger. I like it. 1. It rhymes. 2. It tells a story. 3. It made me smile.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Another lovely poem that definitely gives Cyrano a bit more swagger. I like it. 1. It rhymes. 2. It tells a story. 3. It made me smile.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Thanks very much, my friend. :)
Comment from Domino 2
Hi, David.
Is the comma necessary after 'sonnets in:
'To croon aubades and sonnets, make her swoon' - mind you, I'm no grammar expert.
I also had to check out, 'aubades' but can't find a definition.
Terrific rhyme, meter and fun theme.
Great ending. Yep - I'd do the same to save the day. After all, what are friends for? :-)
Cheers, Ted
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Hi, David.
Is the comma necessary after 'sonnets in:
'To croon aubades and sonnets, make her swoon' - mind you, I'm no grammar expert.
I also had to check out, 'aubades' but can't find a definition.
Terrific rhyme, meter and fun theme.
Great ending. Yep - I'd do the same to save the day. After all, what are friends for? :-)
Cheers, Ted
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, my friend. Yes, the comma is necessary because he's crooning them to make her swoon, and then follow that with the next line.
An aubade is a poem that normally deals with dawn, and usually about lovers parting at dawn. A bit presumptuous for the poet to read her one of these, but if you don't ask, you'll never receive, right? :) I appreciate it, my brother.
Comment from michaelcahill
A touch of roguish boldness seeped in there! Good, that is where I was hoping you would go! Reality is reality. The poet always gets the girl. Baffling and dazzling is hard to resist. Loved this since I think most of us are both characters! Thank God for the words. mikey
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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A touch of roguish boldness seeped in there! Good, that is where I was hoping you would go! Reality is reality. The poet always gets the girl. Baffling and dazzling is hard to resist. Loved this since I think most of us are both characters! Thank God for the words. mikey
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Just a touch, my friend! Thanks so much, Mikey. As you say, reality is reality, and in the end, those who can negotiate their way through courtship with words will always prevail. I agree that we're both characters, too.
Comment from Glasstruth
Boy, does it show. Since Cyrano's days human relations haven't changed much. In your quatrains, you really fit a lot od descriptions and emotions into it. Very nice rhyming throughout. Thanks for sharing. LES
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Boy, does it show. Since Cyrano's days human relations haven't changed much. In your quatrains, you really fit a lot od descriptions and emotions into it. Very nice rhyming throughout. Thanks for sharing. LES
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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You're so right, Les. Thanks very much, my friend.
Comment from Katzintx
As always the structure is solid.the theme is clever and matches your word inferences. But this is not as original as other prices you have written though as always good. Katz
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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As always the structure is solid.the theme is clever and matches your word inferences. But this is not as original as other prices you have written though as always good. Katz
Comment Written 24-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Thank you, my friend. Since it's based on an existing story, it may not have as much originality, but glad you liked it, anyway, Katz.
Comment from c_lucas
Vanity should never be a barricade to Love. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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Vanity should never be a barricade to Love. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, Charley!
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You;re welcome, Marillion. Charlie
Comment from paulah60
What resonated for me at first is the story as it is (recounted faithfully). ACTUALITY: And the fact is that no matter how far we've come since Cyrano's day, there are still some viewpoints that don't change. They only really just shape shift. Modern man is not without depths; he's just becoming increasingly unaware of his depths, because we're becoming increasingly invested in our physical reality. Monotheistic ideology, with its focus on perfection, has a stranglehold over our psyches. And sure, we can argue and say, "not true, just look at WOMEN today. We celebrate their many shapes and sizes. We're advanced; hey, we've done away with the corset!" Bullshit! These physical restraints have just been internalised, for both men and women (it was actually a man who invented the corset!). The restraints have gone underground and are now psychical ones.
Your words have twisted the tale and very cleverly presented us with the IDEAL (which is essentially what's 'real'): the imperfect scribe who doesn't subscribe to cultural norms, and is NOT 'corseted' by what he's internalised about physical beauty. But you've done it ingeniously by juxtaposing the two characters; and the picture and words, creating tension, which is a brilliant technique for deconstructing our existing viewpoints!
Another expertly penned piece, David. A twist with a difference!
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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What resonated for me at first is the story as it is (recounted faithfully). ACTUALITY: And the fact is that no matter how far we've come since Cyrano's day, there are still some viewpoints that don't change. They only really just shape shift. Modern man is not without depths; he's just becoming increasingly unaware of his depths, because we're becoming increasingly invested in our physical reality. Monotheistic ideology, with its focus on perfection, has a stranglehold over our psyches. And sure, we can argue and say, "not true, just look at WOMEN today. We celebrate their many shapes and sizes. We're advanced; hey, we've done away with the corset!" Bullshit! These physical restraints have just been internalised, for both men and women (it was actually a man who invented the corset!). The restraints have gone underground and are now psychical ones.
Your words have twisted the tale and very cleverly presented us with the IDEAL (which is essentially what's 'real'): the imperfect scribe who doesn't subscribe to cultural norms, and is NOT 'corseted' by what he's internalised about physical beauty. But you've done it ingeniously by juxtaposing the two characters; and the picture and words, creating tension, which is a brilliant technique for deconstructing our existing viewpoints!
Another expertly penned piece, David. A twist with a difference!
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 24-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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I've been looking forward to your thoughts on this one, my friend, and you never disappoint me. Thank you! For the sixer and for the philosophical marvel that you are. I love that you note the "tension", which I find the key to creating interesting art, as well as attraction in people. Tension is energy, and without it, it can fall flat.
Anyway, once again you've amazed me with your ability to always know what's going on, and to even raise the level of it all. Thank you, my friend.
Comment from Donya Quijote
Methinks a subtle rogue has come to play. Roxanne found her love in the words of the velvet tongued Cyrano if I remember the story correctly. This outcome is always a risk when those who are shy dare not verbalize their admiration for another.
This one is very smooth in its meter and I found myself on the second reading counting the iambs just to be their are in five per line. And of course there are. I guess I just had to be sure could pentameter. Like the vocabulary in this one, mostly for the subtlety of some words and the uniqueness of others and the directness of certain lines. Example, pimping is usually harsh but it's much softer here, even in its implication. And then there is aubades, because even though I recognize the word I had to look it up just to be sure I understood. Makes sense that you would use it, if my memory is true then didn't Cyrano also sing his verse to Roxanne? This line is the most direct: So if I advocate, and earn her kiss,He?ll botch what I achieved with deft technique. Here, we discover exactly where your Cyrano's heart is. He sympathizes with his friend but will take advantage of the situation should the opportunity present itself. Also a nice bit of consonance here: ashamed, defamed or slain.
Tone here is also different. It lacks the arrogance, if I may, from the original. This seems to be your Cyrano's first time at the window.
All and all a classic story wonderfully retold. A virtual six and a bravisimo too...
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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Methinks a subtle rogue has come to play. Roxanne found her love in the words of the velvet tongued Cyrano if I remember the story correctly. This outcome is always a risk when those who are shy dare not verbalize their admiration for another.
This one is very smooth in its meter and I found myself on the second reading counting the iambs just to be their are in five per line. And of course there are. I guess I just had to be sure could pentameter. Like the vocabulary in this one, mostly for the subtlety of some words and the uniqueness of others and the directness of certain lines. Example, pimping is usually harsh but it's much softer here, even in its implication. And then there is aubades, because even though I recognize the word I had to look it up just to be sure I understood. Makes sense that you would use it, if my memory is true then didn't Cyrano also sing his verse to Roxanne? This line is the most direct: So if I advocate, and earn her kiss,He?ll botch what I achieved with deft technique. Here, we discover exactly where your Cyrano's heart is. He sympathizes with his friend but will take advantage of the situation should the opportunity present itself. Also a nice bit of consonance here: ashamed, defamed or slain.
Tone here is also different. It lacks the arrogance, if I may, from the original. This seems to be your Cyrano's first time at the window.
All and all a classic story wonderfully retold. A virtual six and a bravisimo too...
Comment Written 24-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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What a wonderful review, Donya, as I've come to expect from you. You mine the depths of each poem, and I truly appreciate it. You definitely know your stuff, from the story to my intentions, and nary a misstep along the way. Many thanks for your time and excellent insights, my friend.
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I should learn to proofread my comments. Glad you get the gist. My cats often vie for my attention while I'm at my desktop and even seem to "help" me write. They step on and paw about the keyboard. Well, I've got to try and save a Spanish student not my own from the hell of a bad grade. It'll be another late night tonight. Why do they wait for the last minute...
Comment from rama devi
LOl--He's a good companion for your Rogue. God one--fits the characterization to a tee and, as usual, is a masterful crafted set of quatrains. Excellent work with meter, rhymes, poetic phonetics, etc.
Eloquent and unique as well.
I particularly found this phrasing remarkable:
To croon aubades and sonnets, make her swoon,
Then freight my friend, by proxy, to romance.
Great combination of internal rhyme, consonance and alliteration.
And I found the volta-like third stanza very clever and witty--and what a great rhyme pair, speak and technique:
But he is shy, unsure of girls like this,
And, as the scribe, I know of what I speak;
So if I advocate, and earn her kiss,
He?ll botch what I achieved with deft technique.
The comic closing is most apt:
Perhaps I?ll save my friend his mortal pain
Should she succumb, and bid him to the light.
So he won?t fall? ashamed, defamed or slain?
I?ll scale her battlements, and win the night.
Superb subtle alliteration on P and B and F and bold alliteration of S. The phrasing is well orchestrated for eloquence!
Bows the the musical master bard...
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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LOl--He's a good companion for your Rogue. God one--fits the characterization to a tee and, as usual, is a masterful crafted set of quatrains. Excellent work with meter, rhymes, poetic phonetics, etc.
Eloquent and unique as well.
I particularly found this phrasing remarkable:
To croon aubades and sonnets, make her swoon,
Then freight my friend, by proxy, to romance.
Great combination of internal rhyme, consonance and alliteration.
And I found the volta-like third stanza very clever and witty--and what a great rhyme pair, speak and technique:
But he is shy, unsure of girls like this,
And, as the scribe, I know of what I speak;
So if I advocate, and earn her kiss,
He?ll botch what I achieved with deft technique.
The comic closing is most apt:
Perhaps I?ll save my friend his mortal pain
Should she succumb, and bid him to the light.
So he won?t fall? ashamed, defamed or slain?
I?ll scale her battlements, and win the night.
Superb subtle alliteration on P and B and F and bold alliteration of S. The phrasing is well orchestrated for eloquence!
Bows the the musical master bard...
Love,
rd
Comment Written 24-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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My dear, Rama, I truly appreciate the sixer, and your trademark dissection, and I'm always grateful to emerge with your praise, my friend. Thanks so much, and I'm excited to see what you think of tomorrow's poem, which I'm very proud of. :-) DNB
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:-)) Will look forward to reading it...hmmmm.....is it from you or the Rogue? *wink*
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Definitely me. :-)
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:-))
