What a Horrible Weekend!
Trouble down at Hedgerow Village.27 total reviews
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hi sandramitchell,
This was an enjoyable story that took me back to younger days. I liked the premise of it and the language was very appropriate for a younger audience. One thing I might suggest would be to trim some of the sentences down. I have found younger readers have difficulty with run on sentences.
Instead of this: Sure enough, when they knocked on Vickie the Vole's door, Mrs Vole opened it and told them that Vickie was very poorly in bed with the chicken pox, and they should both go home.
Try: Sure enough, when they knocked on Vickie the Vole's door, Mrs Vole opened it and peered out. She told them that Vickie was very poorly in bed with the chicken pox. Sadly, she feared, they should both go home.
Essentially the paragraph says the same thing, but breaks one sentence down to three and makes it easier for a younger person to read. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Hi sandramitchell,
This was an enjoyable story that took me back to younger days. I liked the premise of it and the language was very appropriate for a younger audience. One thing I might suggest would be to trim some of the sentences down. I have found younger readers have difficulty with run on sentences.
Instead of this: Sure enough, when they knocked on Vickie the Vole's door, Mrs Vole opened it and told them that Vickie was very poorly in bed with the chicken pox, and they should both go home.
Try: Sure enough, when they knocked on Vickie the Vole's door, Mrs Vole opened it and peered out. She told them that Vickie was very poorly in bed with the chicken pox. Sadly, she feared, they should both go home.
Essentially the paragraph says the same thing, but breaks one sentence down to three and makes it easier for a younger person to read. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Ahh, now you are the type of reviewer I need. I normally write them in rhyme, so it is quite different. I will take your advice, and I thank you so much for it. :) Sandra. xsx
Comment from bhogg
Hi Sandra - I very much enjoyed your post. An effective blend of dialog and narrative pulled me quickly through. I had to smile, because in my memory of school, I always seemed to get sick on weekends or holidays. There's no justice! Bill
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Hi Sandra - I very much enjoyed your post. An effective blend of dialog and narrative pulled me quickly through. I had to smile, because in my memory of school, I always seemed to get sick on weekends or holidays. There's no justice! Bill
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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I know, it never happened to me either, and my teachers never had 'teacher training' days like they do here now! Thank you so much, Bill, I am so pleased you enjoyed it. xsx sandra
Comment from Gungalo
Such a good story Sandra and informative too. The poor boys. Well they learned a valuable lesson eh? Hehe. I think I prefer the first version girl.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Such a good story Sandra and informative too. The poor boys. Well they learned a valuable lesson eh? Hehe. I think I prefer the first version girl.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Poetry is my first love, but I have been asked if I would write some in prose. Thought I would test it out on you lot first, at least you all tell me the truth!! LOL. Thank you Gungalo. Sandra, xsx
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Smile Sandra.
Comment from Nosha17
Cute story, Sandra! I enjoyed it very much and loved the illustration, too. You have made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions. Your characters are very likeable and the dialogue is good. Faye
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Cute story, Sandra! I enjoyed it very much and loved the illustration, too. You have made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions. Your characters are very likeable and the dialogue is good. Faye
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Faye. I have been taking my Hedgerow book and trying to turn it into prose. I have another 20 rhyming stories waiting for illustration before publishing them, but wanted to see how they would go like this. This one is from my first book. There are 11 stories in that one. All rhyming. FanStory is a good place to test the waters, so to speak. Thank you again. :) Sandra.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I'm partial to the poetic form, since it's fun to read and kids love rhymes. But this is well told for prose. It's a cute story either way, and lets kids know that everyone gets sick and have to rest till they are better.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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I'm partial to the poetic form, since it's fun to read and kids love rhymes. But this is well told for prose. It's a cute story either way, and lets kids know that everyone gets sick and have to rest till they are better.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Phyllis, it is something I need to know. I already have the rhyming book published, and I'm testing the water with turning them into prose before I sort out the second book of rhymed Hedgerow poems. Already for illustrating, just got to get the money together now. Always something, isn't it. Are you relaxing a bit now? I hope so. You are going to have a busy but wonderful year with your new 'adopted' daughter, bet you can't wait. Thanks for your honest opinion, always appreciated from you, my famous, most favourite author! xsx Sandra
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Thanks. Yes, Amanda will make my life both easier and give it a meaningful purpose.
Comment from ennahanid
Oh no!!!!! The dreaded Pox what a disaster and a waste for bright sunny days and no school days...is there no end to these off-putting little problems.
At least they all got it all at once so they will be back playing together once again and all around the same time.
Got a chuckle out of me here and I thank you for the smile on my face - Dinahxxx
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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Oh no!!!!! The dreaded Pox what a disaster and a waste for bright sunny days and no school days...is there no end to these off-putting little problems.
At least they all got it all at once so they will be back playing together once again and all around the same time.
Got a chuckle out of me here and I thank you for the smile on my face - Dinahxxx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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You are so funny, Dinah! LOL, the Pox, is chicken pox one word? hyphened, or just two words, didn't really know, and thought I would wait for someone to pick me up on it. I haven't started the line you sent me yet, I have copied it over to my MS word, and will probably get round to it after the ironing tomorrow morning. I have put it off for too long. You needed to know all that, didn't you! LOL (again;) Thank you my dear friend for you lovely review. You are such a love! :) xsx sandra
Comment from kiwijenny
Chicken pox is awful...my kids got it 2 weeks each...I was out for six tending them.................
They came back to church and we were studying Job and his boils!
God bless...this was cute
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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Chicken pox is awful...my kids got it 2 weeks each...I was out for six tending them.................
They came back to church and we were studying Job and his boils!
God bless...this was cute
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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LOL, kiwijenny, was that separately? You poor thing, I remember very well those days. Love the church bit, lol, of all the testaments, they had to choose that one! So funny! Thank you so much for your review, and for the big laughs! xsx Sandra
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Separately yikes
