Reviews from

Along the Jericho Road

Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Onuni Moon"
Murder Mystery

45 total reviews 
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Great as always. I am disappointed that Jana isn't in love with Derek, maybe that will change. =} I haven't been writing much or reviewing, just my favorites. I'm having problems with my carpel tunnel, so have cut back. I think a lot of it is from making cards. I have opened a shop on etsy.com and am selling my books and cards. Trying to get a good inventory of cards, but it doesn't agree with my wrists. Will keep checking for your works though.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Roxanna, I'm truly honored that you're taking time to review my chapter. Thanks so much. I've missed your writing, and now I know where you've been. Hope you are able to get some relief for that pain. It's definitely a hazard for any of us who use our wrists so much.

    I'd love to have Derek and Jana hook up, but that would be grounds for dismissal on her part and cause all kinds of problems. But that doesn't mean they don't have feelings for each other. I intend to explore that angle in a planned sequel. Thanks again, my friend.

    Hugs, Bev
reply by Roxanna Andrews on 13-Feb-2014
    I didn't think about it being against policy, so guess it's best they don't. ={

    I haven't been writing much at all. I had the wind taken out of my sails a bit by a review by the panel they have on this site. They didn't care for my Super Pig much at all. They did have some good things to say, but my plots were thin, not funny enough, not exciting enough. I'm not sure who all is on the panel, it is for a Seal of Quality, I think that's what it's called. I submitted it a year ago and they are just getting it done, I forgot about it. They recommended I not publish. Too late for that, though I had edited it a lot since I submitted it to them. I'm not sure how to make it exciting, funny and with a thicker plot and keep it under 1000 words. I do get good feedback from kids, unless they are lying to me and I have gotten good reviews on 2 writers sites, so it's kind of confussing to me. It dampened my spirits a bit, but I won't let it get me down. I think my next book will be my last anyway. It will be out this year sometime if I can just get my illustrator to finish up. Then I got told by etsy.com that my prices are too low on my cards I'm selling and the postage. So I had to go thru and raise all my prices so my hopes of selling went way down. Who wants to pay $6 for a card after postage? Not me. So poo! =} I hope your day is going well. Take care, rox
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Dear Bev, amazing work in this chapter - I just wanted to keep reading - great detail, depth you take me on in this story both excites and yet scares the crap out of me. Impressive post, skilled power house really.
I'm behind in reviews so sorry - catching up now.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Maureen, what a beautiful and generous review. I'm honored by your support and enjoyment of the story. That means so much! I'm behind, too. I've been traveling, so have had to make decisions on how much I can review.

    You're the best!

    Hugs, Bev
Comment from TonyD
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Quick paced, exciting story flowing seamlessly from the personal to official police work. Mystery is always involved in crime stories but I was especially intrigued by what Detective Epstein swears he saw. Looking forward to the next chapter.

I think that the last word in the following should be were instead of was--"Her cousin and Tribal Policeman, Ty Longacre, was..."
TonyD

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Hi, Tony. Thank you so much for his great review and your suggestion. I think, though, that 'was' is proper because I am referring to one person - Ty is both cousin and Tribal policeman to Jana.

    Thanks for reading and for your generousity. Hope to see you again some time. The supernatural angle to this story is going to be playing a bigger part in the last segment of the novel.

    :0) Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This just keeps getting better and better. The emotional contrast in this post is extraordinary, Bev.

Now, his eyes searched hers. She read in them concerns that mirrored her own: Was this a move forward in their relationship? Would either of them be willing to risk their careers... the inevitable fall-out of their becoming lovers?
- I love this introspection, the examination. Very poignant.

phobia," - errant quotation mark here. :)

Her people had lost too many outright wars and, with their dwindling numbers, they were more concerned about saving their customs and beliefs than earning the respect of the wasicuns. - Very profound, and smacks of absolute reality.

Wow, he is a sicko. I'm beyond impressed at how you're steering the reader through this story. I just want to read on.

Brilliant work as always, my friend.

Sorry I'm a little late reviewing - life has been so hectic lately! It's calming down a bit now, thank goodness!

Love and hugs,

Av

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Av, thank you so very much. I wondered if I got a bit too preachy in that one section - you've alleviated my concerns! The Native peoples really struggle to keep their children close and respectful of the customs. They have to deal with tremendous challenges because there are so few jobs on most reservations.

    And it means a lot to me that you think the story still ingrigues. Phew! I can't thank you enough for that.

    As always, your generosity and the heart behind it just blows me away, dear friend.

    Hugs, Bev
Comment from JW
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hmm. What more can I say that has not already been said? I see this chapter has already been "Recognized" and received "All Time Best."

I guess the only thing left is, "Good job!" :-) JW

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Jonathon, thank you for your support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

As in all the other segments of this story, Jana is sharp, alert and keeping up her end of the action, You've done an outstanding job of showing her interest in Rick and her keeping him just out of reach.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Hi, Norbanus. Thank you for your great review I appreciate it. Bev
Comment from mumsyone
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent writing, as usual, Bev. Always good dialogue and description in your stories.
Lois

"It's not uncommon for older patients to have difficulty with an anesthetic(,)" she began.

"He called for back-up because a man,(no comma) matching the suspect sketch,(no comma) lives here with his disabled mother.

"Epstein was standing there,(no comma) and would have apprehended anyone leaving the premises."

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
    Hi, Lois. Thank you for the great review. I had changed two of the areas that you point out earlier today. I wonder why your copy doesn't reflect that? Oh well, thanks for the sharp eye.

    Bev
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I really enjoyed this read. It kept me attentive to the end. This is m first experience with your writing and it is always difficult coming into a story mid-plot. I see you have a detailed plot and very in-depth characters, who you have developed well. I enjoy the way your dialogue is peppered with explanatory prose. I also thought (being a Registered Nurse) that your knowledge of the medical/post-op details is convincing and well researched. You have a good grasp and this makes your writing very believable - the 'ring of truth'. Well done, and thank you.

I would have awarded the sixth star, but a clean out, alas! Antoine.

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, for this very generous and supportive review. I worked for a general surgeon for 20+ years. They can act pretty arrogant when put on the spot, in my experience.

    It's great when a fresh pair of eyes can confirm that you're moving in the right direction. Your wish for a sixth star is icing on the cake.

    Warmest regards, Bev
reply by Antoine Charlemaine on 11-Feb-2014
    Glad to make your acquaintance, Bev. I think I would like to follow you. Antoine.
Comment from Joy Graham
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

It should be, "(Jana) shoved her hands..." And not, "Jana's".

This is an awesome chapter, Bev. You distract us in the hospital then pull us back into the investigation and murder mystery. I have become attached to your characters and feel like they are real. I feel I can stand in the room with them and see all the action.

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
    Thanks for catching that, Joy. I swear I spent hours revising and editing this chapter. Thank goodness for a fresh set of eyes.

    I really appreciate your generous review and, especially, your continued support. Your words, alone, are gold.

    XX Bev
reply by Joy Graham on 11-Feb-2014
    Heck, I'm just after a personally autographed copy of your published book :)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
    You nut! Love it... Bev
Comment from Rondeno
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

It continues utterly excellent, Bevvers. great story, moving at an excellent pace, with likable characters and some lovely psychological touches!

Mikey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2014


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
    Mike, thank you so very much. I am deeply honored by your generosity and words of support. XXXXXOOOO Bev