Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Onuni Moon"Murder Mystery
45 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
This is a lot for Jana in one day, first, it is the day of her grandmother's operation, and now there's a link to her uncle who committed suicide and this serial murderer. It seems we will soon find out who committed these murders.
It seems that Rick Morales cares about Jena, but Jana has been hurt and cannot let her guard down for another relationship.
This is well written, Bev.
April
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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This is a lot for Jana in one day, first, it is the day of her grandmother's operation, and now there's a link to her uncle who committed suicide and this serial murderer. It seems we will soon find out who committed these murders.
It seems that Rick Morales cares about Jena, but Jana has been hurt and cannot let her guard down for another relationship.
This is well written, Bev.
April
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, April. I really appreciate your generosity and support!
Rick does care, but he's a jealous type, and that's something that could be a deal-breaker.
:0) Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
"Before going into the procedure, Angnes Longacre reported to Ty HAT she was pushed to the floor..." THAT
"Maybe a guy that's safe...hell,..." I don't think you should put this in quotes. Maybe in italics? I think quotes should only be used for actual spoken words.
"He didn't understand the Native Peoples' resolve..." You need the apostrophe to denote the possessive case.
Well done, Bev. The story moves along at a good clip. Your characters are well defined and act and speak within the paremeters you've established. Good story. I love the specificity of the laguage. "kit'A". One word to describe a dead relative. Fabulous language! I'm picking up a word or two. I knew 'wasicuns' was "whites". Yea!!! LOL!
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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"Before going into the procedure, Angnes Longacre reported to Ty HAT she was pushed to the floor..." THAT
"Maybe a guy that's safe...hell,..." I don't think you should put this in quotes. Maybe in italics? I think quotes should only be used for actual spoken words.
"He didn't understand the Native Peoples' resolve..." You need the apostrophe to denote the possessive case.
Well done, Bev. The story moves along at a good clip. Your characters are well defined and act and speak within the paremeters you've established. Good story. I love the specificity of the laguage. "kit'A". One word to describe a dead relative. Fabulous language! I'm picking up a word or two. I knew 'wasicuns' was "whites". Yea!!! LOL!
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Hi, Adrienne. Thanks for the great review and suggestions. Have caught up with the punctuation issues. I've been told a number of times that internal dialogue is also to be put in quotes.
Appreciate it!
Hugs, Bev
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About internal dialogue: If someone is remembering an actual conversation, that happened out loud, I agree it should be done with quotes. But simply a thought that courses through a character's mind? I believe that should just be part of narration. Or if it's said like it was immediate speech, like What the hell is that? - then it should be in italics. That's the way I understand it, anyway.
Maybe you could google it. Let me know if you find a definite answer. LOL!
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I'll check that out my download of Spagtionary from our very own member LOL.
Comment from barkingdog
Finally, they have uncovered a link and it's back to Jana's dead uncle. I like the competition you have between Rick and Derek--personal and professional.
You manage the undercurrent of a love interest but still keep the mystery and capture as the priority, keeping us focused on the story line.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Finally, they have uncovered a link and it's back to Jana's dead uncle. I like the competition you have between Rick and Derek--personal and professional.
You manage the undercurrent of a love interest but still keep the mystery and capture as the priority, keeping us focused on the story line.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Ellen. You really get where I'm going with the technical aspects of this story. All that and a six. You're generosity touches my heart. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
This is such a fabulous chapter bringing in the two cultures! What I really liked was Jana's response to the idea of a nursing home, so against and opposite to all her beliefs. I felt Jana's feeling of angst, her pull of emotions for Rick, and her reserve. Her encounter with the doctor is perfect. You captured his arrogance and lack of bedside manner. The last part of the chapter is a nail biter, leaving such a cliff hanging end. This is excellent!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Hi, Bev.
This is such a fabulous chapter bringing in the two cultures! What I really liked was Jana's response to the idea of a nursing home, so against and opposite to all her beliefs. I felt Jana's feeling of angst, her pull of emotions for Rick, and her reserve. Her encounter with the doctor is perfect. You captured his arrogance and lack of bedside manner. The last part of the chapter is a nail biter, leaving such a cliff hanging end. This is excellent!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Rosalyne, thank you for hitting on the most important elements for this chapter! Yes, Jana may seem to be a hard ass to some, but she's a product of her culture and is never very far from them in her thoughts and actions. I so appreciate your support and your generous six star rating. Hugs, Bev
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Hi, Bev.
Jana is an amazing character! You've brought together two cultures so well. She is reserved and respectful to her culture, but I don't see her as a hard ass. I see her as a woman with honour and showing dignity that is a reflection of her roots and traditions. She is such a wonderful layered character. Bev, your writing is excellent and worth ten stars!!
Bye my friend.
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
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Thanks, Rosalyne. I sometimes hear from readers that Jana is a bit testy. But your insight expresses perfectly what she is about. She's a beautiful woman who has to both deal with the expectations that can lead to and the stress of her job. I so very much appreciate how you feel her character much as I do, Rosalyne. Have a great day, my friend. Much Love, Bev
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Hi, Bev.
A publisher will gobble up your book!! They will see your incredible talent!
Bye my friend.
Rosalyne :)
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Aw....
Comment from Green Lake Girl
A superb chapter, Bev! You do a skillful job of dropping tidbits of information about Jana's Native American world into this story. Also in regards to her relationship with Rick Morales. I hang on every word, Bev. Your story is so riveting. Exceedingly well penned,
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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A superb chapter, Bev! You do a skillful job of dropping tidbits of information about Jana's Native American world into this story. Also in regards to her relationship with Rick Morales. I hang on every word, Bev. Your story is so riveting. Exceedingly well penned,
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thank you so very much, Marietta. I so appreciate you taking a time from your fab vacation to review this chapter! Your support and generosity really touch my heart. Hope you're having as good a time as I am. Hugs, Bev
Comment from robina1978
I think it is some time back I read the previous chapter. I remember the intro of course. Now Jana's grandmother is in hospital, waiting to be operated on a broken arm. She said she was pushed. But at the end more bad news for Jana about her uncle, presumed dead.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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I think it is some time back I read the previous chapter. I remember the intro of course. Now Jana's grandmother is in hospital, waiting to be operated on a broken arm. She said she was pushed. But at the end more bad news for Jana about her uncle, presumed dead.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Ine. I appreciate your support and generosity.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
As always, Bev, I enjoyed this chapter - made me shiver in places.
anesthetist ?
anaesthetist
we have under control, Mrs. Longacre came [come] through surgery fine. - lose come
difficulty with an anesthetic(,)" - comma
face the garage.The Fed's - space after period
Margaret
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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As always, Bev, I enjoyed this chapter - made me shiver in places.
anesthetist ?
anaesthetist
we have under control, Mrs. Longacre came [come] through surgery fine. - lose come
difficulty with an anesthetic(,)" - comma
face the garage.The Fed's - space after period
Margaret
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Margaret, thanks so much for this generous and supportive review. :0) Bev
Comment from jadapenn
It's been too long. Glad the granny is okay but have a feeling that doctor was a bit too keen to get away. Now Jana is in the thick of things once again. I can't quite fathom how her relative is involved. ???
Great write, Bev. luv jada
came come through surgery fine
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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It's been too long. Glad the granny is okay but have a feeling that doctor was a bit too keen to get away. Now Jana is in the thick of things once again. I can't quite fathom how her relative is involved. ???
Great write, Bev. luv jada
came come through surgery fine
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Yes, this chapter was a bugger to get out LOL. Thanks for your great review, my friend. And thanks for hanging in there with me. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh wow, this is really a terrific chapter, Bev. I swear, it's like watching a great movie - I can 'see' these scenes, these characters. This is not going to be easy on Jana...
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Oh wow, this is really a terrific chapter, Bev. I swear, it's like watching a great movie - I can 'see' these scenes, these characters. This is not going to be easy on Jana...
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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This situation and what's coming are going to take her to the edge. Dawn, thank you so very much for your generosity and kind support for my chapter - and novel. Hugs, Bev
Comment from RGstar
This was a long chapter, Bev, yet it held from start to finish.
It never ceases to amaze me how good authors are able to even out a piece, however long, as to make it seem as though one is watching a movie. This was quite a calm chapter with the transition from hospital bed, to detective work and dialogue, smooth and effortless.
There is a certain contentedness about your write that I don't even have to look for grammatical errors. I read through as if I am reading a book.
This tells you, Bev, you are in the zone, effortless and without struggle.
Proud of you, and this.
I love seeing somebody shine for effort and hard work.
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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This was a long chapter, Bev, yet it held from start to finish.
It never ceases to amaze me how good authors are able to even out a piece, however long, as to make it seem as though one is watching a movie. This was quite a calm chapter with the transition from hospital bed, to detective work and dialogue, smooth and effortless.
There is a certain contentedness about your write that I don't even have to look for grammatical errors. I read through as if I am reading a book.
This tells you, Bev, you are in the zone, effortless and without struggle.
Proud of you, and this.
I love seeing somebody shine for effort and hard work.
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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What a lovely and gracious review, RG. Thank you for hanging in there with me. I know the psychological-type action I favor isn't popular in today's culture as much, but it's the kind of writing I naturally gravitate to. So, it's great when someone is wiling to walk that path with me. You're a real friend! Hugs, Bev
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Best wishes, Bev.
You are in your element there.
Easily felt that all is right.
One is able to feel it naturally without trying to dig too deep.
You are a good writer. I mi9ght not know much about much. But! I do know that.
Best wishes
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I appreciate the gift of your confidence, RG. What a nice man you are! xx Bev
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:) my pleasure.
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Sorry about the rushed grammatical errors in the review, Bev, all fixed now. Bit late in the morning :)
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I never even noticed, Roy. It's the heart behind the words that I always feel. :0)
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:) me too
