A Wish Upon a Star
short prose piece26 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Simple sentence construction, the repetition of I- you capture the child's voice to near perfection. Very sad but true- amidst the loud turmoil of constant fighting or even a split- the child always thinks it is his/her fault and wishes he/she could just go away.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Simple sentence construction, the repetition of I- you capture the child's voice to near perfection. Very sad but true- amidst the loud turmoil of constant fighting or even a split- the child always thinks it is his/her fault and wishes he/she could just go away.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Cool. I am so pleased you think I captured the child's voice. I was trying to do that without being too condescending in tone. Thank you so much! mikey
Comment from Marillion
What a heart-breaking piece, Mikey, made more so because we know this is such a common occurrence, and the very people who should love and protect a child is his/her parents. Sorry I don't get to read much of your non-poetry, but I hope to make more time to do so, my friend.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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What a heart-breaking piece, Mikey, made more so because we know this is such a common occurrence, and the very people who should love and protect a child is his/her parents. Sorry I don't get to read much of your non-poetry, but I hope to make more time to do so, my friend.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Glad to see you in prose world. Prose is new to me. You should try it. Poetry with all the rest of the words filled in plus any other words you feel like adding. mikey
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Considering it, my friend. You're worth the look into it.
Comment from nordicgirl
A completely different style from you. Really captures the way a child sees things. I recall this feeling all too well. Excellent piece. NG
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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A completely different style from you. Really captures the way a child sees things. I recall this feeling all too well. Excellent piece. NG
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Glad you liked it. Sorry, that you had to experience this first hand. I did too. mikey
Comment from seaglass
There are many ways to portray life through a child's eyes, This casts light on the abused child,. My time at working with disadvantaged foster children was an eye opener. One wonders how people can be so callused toward the sensitive nature of a child. Good job sending out this reminder.
If you get a chance sometime, read my "Addicts Child", I wrote it in tribute to those broken spirits I cared for.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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There are many ways to portray life through a child's eyes, This casts light on the abused child,. My time at working with disadvantaged foster children was an eye opener. One wonders how people can be so callused toward the sensitive nature of a child. Good job sending out this reminder.
If you get a chance sometime, read my "Addicts Child", I wrote it in tribute to those broken spirits I cared for.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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I will try and check out your piece when I get caught up. I am so far behind I am going backwards, most recent first, mikey
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(:
Comment from GregoryCody
Oh this is very good indeed. It hurts my heart. Too bad you missed the deadline! Would've won! I know the feeling of that child. Do you? Great structure, I like the no paragraphs. Flows concise. Great voice man.
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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Oh this is very good indeed. It hurts my heart. Too bad you missed the deadline! Would've won! I know the feeling of that child. Do you? Great structure, I like the no paragraphs. Flows concise. Great voice man.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Good to hear from you. Yes, I know the feeling too. Glad you liked this one. No tangents, a miracle. mikey
Comment from CR Delport
A pity you missed the deadline. It is a good story that is well written, although the message is sad. Sometimes wishes is all they have. Good job.
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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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A pity you missed the deadline. It is a good story that is well written, although the message is sad. Sometimes wishes is all they have. Good job.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Saved five bucks. Ha! Glad you liked it, mikey
