Inflection
Slow Dancing45 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
We lost ourselves within each other by inhabiting the tune,
Becoming halves of one another in the shadow of the moon... gorgeous lines - you create an eternal picture in my head
Exhuming hope to reunite me with the girl beneath my skin .. fabulous concluding line
Sinatra and the dance floor .. you had my toes tapping and pulses racing with this poem.
The rhyming couplets tell a lovely, poignant, "rhythm-stoked" story - a little vignette of romantic hope.
Loved it, Mr. Rogue (bet the entire henhouse does too .. cluck!) ! :)
Have a great week, sir!
Sonali
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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We lost ourselves within each other by inhabiting the tune,
Becoming halves of one another in the shadow of the moon... gorgeous lines - you create an eternal picture in my head
Exhuming hope to reunite me with the girl beneath my skin .. fabulous concluding line
Sinatra and the dance floor .. you had my toes tapping and pulses racing with this poem.
The rhyming couplets tell a lovely, poignant, "rhythm-stoked" story - a little vignette of romantic hope.
Loved it, Mr. Rogue (bet the entire henhouse does too .. cluck!) ! :)
Have a great week, sir!
Sonali
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you SO much, Sonali! As always, I look forward to your thoughts, and I appreciate them very much. I think the henhouse may be a little busy preparing for Fry (the Rogue) Day, but hopefully they enjoyed it, too. ;-)
Comment from Bill Schott
I really like the way you have mined the songs for the phrasing and imagery that fills the readers senses with feelings of cool and confident expressions of love. Nice.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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I really like the way you have mined the songs for the phrasing and imagery that fills the readers senses with feelings of cool and confident expressions of love. Nice.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Bill. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Ben Colder
"Come fly with me" The poem is rewarding to those who appreciated dancing to old Blue eyes. Great job poet. Shalom to you.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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"Come fly with me" The poem is rewarding to those who appreciated dancing to old Blue eyes. Great job poet. Shalom to you.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, Ben! I appreciate it.
Comment from A Jesterstear
I can see why your grinning in your profile now... you're a genius... and you know it. Very cleverly written, format and content. I can just see you creating warm wet circles, as number one at the end of the bar. Been there. AJ.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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I can see why your grinning in your profile now... you're a genius... and you know it. Very cleverly written, format and content. I can just see you creating warm wet circles, as number one at the end of the bar. Been there. AJ.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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You're much too kind, my brother, and Warm Wet Circles is a truly amazing image and song. In fact, that's a great dark album in its entirety. Many thanks for this, that, and the other, my brother.
Comment from Tatarka2
It was lyrical and lovely, and followed the form exactly. For me, it's not my favorite of all of the lovely poems of yours I've read. I did love the allusion to Frank Sinatra and his memorable songs, and the poem was so evocative of the lyrics and romanticism of the songs. For me, the lines were just too long. I do realize you were following a specific format, and I applaud you for that. This may be a matter of personal taste, but I would prefer to see these lines broken up more. I think this could be such a beautiful poem; so evocative of the romanticism of Sinatra and his work.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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It was lyrical and lovely, and followed the form exactly. For me, it's not my favorite of all of the lovely poems of yours I've read. I did love the allusion to Frank Sinatra and his memorable songs, and the poem was so evocative of the lyrics and romanticism of the songs. For me, the lines were just too long. I do realize you were following a specific format, and I applaud you for that. This may be a matter of personal taste, but I would prefer to see these lines broken up more. I think this could be such a beautiful poem; so evocative of the romanticism of Sinatra and his work.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, Tatarka. These lines ARE pretty long, and based on your comments, I may actually "break" them at the internal rhyme to make them into 9-7-9-7 stanzas. It may make the read a little smoother without having to think about it.
Comment from Pili Pubul
Hi my friend , great to have you around, as talented as always, you created an amazing poem , great perfect style , love the subject , imagery, meaningful love story. Miss your poetry, I was out a year , battling cancer.
Welcome back... Big smile. Pili
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Hi my friend , great to have you around, as talented as always, you created an amazing poem , great perfect style , love the subject , imagery, meaningful love story. Miss your poetry, I was out a year , battling cancer.
Welcome back... Big smile. Pili
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you SO much, my friend. I'm really sorry to hear of your illness, but I'm so glad you're back. I missed you, too, and I"m glad to be back myself. I appreciate the sixer and the smile, my friend.
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You are so welcome, glad to read your great poetry again. Hugs. Pili
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming couplets
great iambic meter creates an effective cadence for reading your poem aloud
I'm showing my age, I'm sure, by enjoying all the pop culture allusions to some stars our younger members probably have little to no knowledge of
a poignant poem of love and loss and longing
Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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solid rhyming couplets
great iambic meter creates an effective cadence for reading your poem aloud
I'm showing my age, I'm sure, by enjoying all the pop culture allusions to some stars our younger members probably have little to no knowledge of
a poignant poem of love and loss and longing
Brooke
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Brooke. I really appreciate it. My older brother is a HUGE Sinatra/Rat Pack fan, and some of it rubbed off on me.
Comment from catch22
This is so beautiful and such a skillfully penned poem. The use of iambs was excellent, and I really love the internal rhyming to keep it all flowing. What a sad tale your poem tells of love found and then lost. Now, the narrator listens to the songs with a nostalgia that bring him right back to when he was in love and felt like Fred Astaire.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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This is so beautiful and such a skillfully penned poem. The use of iambs was excellent, and I really love the internal rhyming to keep it all flowing. What a sad tale your poem tells of love found and then lost. Now, the narrator listens to the songs with a nostalgia that bring him right back to when he was in love and felt like Fred Astaire.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Gail, for the sixer and for your wonderful comments. I appreciate it!
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You're very welcome!
Comment from paulah60
Ah yes, NOW I can see what I really love about your work. It's not just that you've perfect the art of metering (I've come across others who are also adept). Your METAPHORS are of the highest order! Too much metaphor is cliched or just nothing special. Maybe because the overarching one that constructs and shapes our existence is war metaphor (war's declared on illness, drugs, poverty; found in the sporting arena), our imaginations have become constrained (not a whole lot of movement outside of back and forthing). But fresh and different metaphors don't RE-construct. Your always exceptionally creative phrases (like 'skin-enkindled fusion') probably make you a deconstructionist. How fabulous!
Anyway, your poem is infused with a deep sense of yearning. Sinatra sang and Porter penned lyrics in the days before self-exploration became popular, and our centre of gravity was externally directed: we looked to others to fulfill us. With all this in mind, your last line ('Exhuming hope to reunite me with the girl beneath my skin') is pretty fantastic! Self-exploration or not, the desire for romance never dies, and why would anyone want it to?!
Another first-rate piece, David.
Cheers
Paula
Shit! meant to hit six but five instead (FS won't let you undo after save). Take it as one then
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Ah yes, NOW I can see what I really love about your work. It's not just that you've perfect the art of metering (I've come across others who are also adept). Your METAPHORS are of the highest order! Too much metaphor is cliched or just nothing special. Maybe because the overarching one that constructs and shapes our existence is war metaphor (war's declared on illness, drugs, poverty; found in the sporting arena), our imaginations have become constrained (not a whole lot of movement outside of back and forthing). But fresh and different metaphors don't RE-construct. Your always exceptionally creative phrases (like 'skin-enkindled fusion') probably make you a deconstructionist. How fabulous!
Anyway, your poem is infused with a deep sense of yearning. Sinatra sang and Porter penned lyrics in the days before self-exploration became popular, and our centre of gravity was externally directed: we looked to others to fulfill us. With all this in mind, your last line ('Exhuming hope to reunite me with the girl beneath my skin') is pretty fantastic! Self-exploration or not, the desire for romance never dies, and why would anyone want it to?!
Another first-rate piece, David.
Cheers
Paula
Shit! meant to hit six but five instead (FS won't let you undo after save). Take it as one then
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Jester's doppelganger. I'm glad I"m not the only one who finds the two of you to be twins in so many ways. I truly appreciate you, your comments, and your thorough reviews. YOu're so intelligent, and reading your reviews raises the bar for me, too. Thank you.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Mmm well you sure inhabited something here and although I don't know Night from Day I have had that other jingle Under My Skin toe tapping on the odd occasion.
I think love does better when the odds are completely against it as it somehow finds a way to happen or rise above so the significant individuals can ditch that old mortar and start mixing up a new batch of concrete for a brand new foundation.
Now, I wouldn't go relying on Frank to impart any of the right words mate unless you have a direct line to the dead centre of Hollywood, plus I think you have an extensive enough vocabulary (the BA in English don't hurt neeva) to sweep that girl beneath your skin, right up into those guns...whoops I mean arms. Okay, I snuck a look at your profile pic hahaha.
Your song is beautiful, I hope you reunite with that special lady in the slow dance of lurve. At best maybe a quick Tango if she's not up for the relationship thing. They say it takes two you know! LOL
Cheers P
PS You also give good octameter. Must try this one...very pacey. The rush of trepidation and hopeful heart was clearly evident in this one. You're good. Now go rip down some goddamn fences.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Mmm well you sure inhabited something here and although I don't know Night from Day I have had that other jingle Under My Skin toe tapping on the odd occasion.
I think love does better when the odds are completely against it as it somehow finds a way to happen or rise above so the significant individuals can ditch that old mortar and start mixing up a new batch of concrete for a brand new foundation.
Now, I wouldn't go relying on Frank to impart any of the right words mate unless you have a direct line to the dead centre of Hollywood, plus I think you have an extensive enough vocabulary (the BA in English don't hurt neeva) to sweep that girl beneath your skin, right up into those guns...whoops I mean arms. Okay, I snuck a look at your profile pic hahaha.
Your song is beautiful, I hope you reunite with that special lady in the slow dance of lurve. At best maybe a quick Tango if she's not up for the relationship thing. They say it takes two you know! LOL
Cheers P
PS You also give good octameter. Must try this one...very pacey. The rush of trepidation and hopeful heart was clearly evident in this one. You're good. Now go rip down some goddamn fences.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, dear P! You did an amazing job with your octameter, too, especially for your first, and I loved the subject matter, as you're two of my faves.
Feel free to peruse my profile and my port. I'm sure it's for research as you ladies take down the rogue, which I'm sure will happen. Way too many talented pens for one rogue to handle, though he'll try.
I really appreciate your enthusiastic and thorough reviews, too, P. Thank you!
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LOL
Well you can't stay on top forever sweety pie. LOL
Oh yes...it'll happen. When there are this many women all over it, you quite simply DON'T stand a chance.
Unless of course, you're a tennis pro. Haha
Have a great day.
x
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Oh, I don't have to be on top. I enjoy all positions. I may have the Kama Sutra memorized, in fact...alphabetically. ;-)
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Well I'm NOT getting out the buffalo butter anytime soon mate...LMAO
Alphabetically?
Really?
Hmmmm...wonder what Z is.
Care to enlighten me? *smirk*
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Oh, Z is better felt than explained. ;-)
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I'm ON the plane. Get the tools out. LMAO
Whoops, correction ...tool, singular.
Bahahaha
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Actually, I do have multiple tools, m'lady...I'm a multi-tasker. :-)
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OMG
I am DEFINITELY on that plane.
Make sure you've got it up at the airport.
Your sign I mean.
Ahhh, no need, you'll spot me coming...a mile off! LOL
Multiple tools eh? Good. I need a LOTTA work done.
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What do think will be propping up the sign? ;-)
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Well NOT you're friggin hands I hope.
LMAO
LMAO
Will it be a BIG sign I wonder? hahaha
