Marillion Rocks Pandora's Box
The box is cracked29 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Your henhouse appears to be a busy place, Lord Byron, sir!
Love the steady beat in the metre and the formal rhyme scheme.
The internal rhyme is clever and creates a lot of bounce and energy!
Thou .. varlet!!
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Your henhouse appears to be a busy place, Lord Byron, sir!
Love the steady beat in the metre and the formal rhyme scheme.
The internal rhyme is clever and creates a lot of bounce and energy!
Thou .. varlet!!
Sonali :)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much, Sonali. Looks like we're going to give it a break for a bit, but it's been fun. I appreciate you catching up on it all. :)
Comment from livelylinda
Rogue: you were doing o.k. until you called us hens. You are a tragedy, all right, already happened. If Pandora is willing to open her box, that's fine with me. Just don't mess with the locked/chained/doesn't know your name boxes. Happy writing genius. livelylinda
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Rogue: you were doing o.k. until you called us hens. You are a tragedy, all right, already happened. If Pandora is willing to open her box, that's fine with me. Just don't mess with the locked/chained/doesn't know your name boxes. Happy writing genius. livelylinda
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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I'll tell him you said so, as this was all a game written from another perspective. Thanks, Linda. Stay lively!
Comment from Just2Write
So here I am, having waited patiently so that I could give this a six. The six is more for the poetic abilities in the poem - the ability to do an internal rhyme on L1 and L3 and not missing a beat or meaning in the flow of the work.
I also liked the lesson, (or didactic) to women who know full well when they are dealing with a Rogue, and jump into the sack with him anyway - then cry foul. (Or fowl alluding to your liberal use of comparing women to hens)
It sort of reminds me of the song The Snake, by Al Wilson:
"I Saved You," Cried the Woman
"And You've Bitten Me, But Why?
You Know Your Bite Is Poisonous and Now I'm Going to Die"
"Oh Shut Up, Silly Woman," Said the Reptile With a Grin
"You Knew Damn Well I Was a Snake Before You Took Me in.
So true - many of females do just that. It's in the genes for most of us. Fixing what ain't broken.
As for me, I prefer hanging with the roosters to the hens. The conversation is on a higher level than grocery prices and the brands of diapers available.
Love your work, David. Your skill level is exceptional.
The whole poem is superb - but your final line in this poem was brilliant.
I have been working on a ripost to your second in the series, but I think that perhaps I am now over-late - the ship has sailed.
Rose.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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So here I am, having waited patiently so that I could give this a six. The six is more for the poetic abilities in the poem - the ability to do an internal rhyme on L1 and L3 and not missing a beat or meaning in the flow of the work.
I also liked the lesson, (or didactic) to women who know full well when they are dealing with a Rogue, and jump into the sack with him anyway - then cry foul. (Or fowl alluding to your liberal use of comparing women to hens)
It sort of reminds me of the song The Snake, by Al Wilson:
"I Saved You," Cried the Woman
"And You've Bitten Me, But Why?
You Know Your Bite Is Poisonous and Now I'm Going to Die"
"Oh Shut Up, Silly Woman," Said the Reptile With a Grin
"You Knew Damn Well I Was a Snake Before You Took Me in.
So true - many of females do just that. It's in the genes for most of us. Fixing what ain't broken.
As for me, I prefer hanging with the roosters to the hens. The conversation is on a higher level than grocery prices and the brands of diapers available.
Love your work, David. Your skill level is exceptional.
The whole poem is superb - but your final line in this poem was brilliant.
I have been working on a ripost to your second in the series, but I think that perhaps I am now over-late - the ship has sailed.
Rose.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much, Rose!!! I greatly appreciate your kind words and the gift of the six, and hang on to your riposte. The rogue will probably return when it doesn't devolve into a battle of the sexes, or a staging area for the past hurt feelings of others who need a place for their anger. I always love receiving your thoughts.
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. A well written poem with a great twist at the end.
I enjoy reading your stuff and learn much about how to make the more formal poems work...especially the wit(this I need to learn most)
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Hello. A well written poem with a great twist at the end.
I enjoy reading your stuff and learn much about how to make the more formal poems work...especially the wit(this I need to learn most)
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, pad. I'm always happy to help in any way I can, and I appreciate the review.
Comment from Julia.
Another fine entry in the on-going battle of words. I'm not sure I agree with "But you deride the tender side / To angle for a harder man." :) While "naughty boys" make for great fun and sometimes...er...physical sport, I think a lot women like nice guys for the long term. Not all women, of course, but many.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Another fine entry in the on-going battle of words. I'm not sure I agree with "But you deride the tender side / To angle for a harder man." :) While "naughty boys" make for great fun and sometimes...er...physical sport, I think a lot women like nice guys for the long term. Not all women, of course, but many.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Julia! From my experience, the "bad boy" thing lasts until they're about ready to settle down, and then there's a transition before they're able to completely change their mindset. I've actually been on both sides of that equation.
Comment from mfowler
Your wit and potent pen have indeed opened the Pandora's box, and perhaps her private one as well. The hens have had their feathers ruffled. I've been making great FS capital out of their poultry offerings. This poem is an excellent instalment among this mayhem you've unleashed.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Your wit and potent pen have indeed opened the Pandora's box, and perhaps her private one as well. The hens have had their feathers ruffled. I've been making great FS capital out of their poultry offerings. This poem is an excellent instalment among this mayhem you've unleashed.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, and I'm afraid you're right. Perhaps it hit a little close to home for some, but that's also what satire sometimes does. I have plenty more ready to go, but think perhaps it's time to let it lie for awhile. Even reading the reviews of their work, I sense some attaching their own pasts to the vilification of a fictional character. I actually had three more that would practically de-feather them, but a man referring to a woman's physical faults isn't as readily accepted as the other way around. Realizing this, live and let live, I guess. I appreciate the review.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a witty piece of poetry! i like the twist in the end. the rhythm and rhyme are perfect, it flows like a babbling brook.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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this is a witty piece of poetry! i like the twist in the end. the rhythm and rhyme are perfect, it flows like a babbling brook.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, rebekka. I appreciate it very much!
Comment from ravenblack
Now this one, I can completely relate too. I always suffered from the nice guy syndrome until grad school and beyond. I could say serial monogamy to the extreme, but that's putting it lightly. I guess I was making up for lost time, made this rogue thing my reason for being. Not a mean rogue, but for lack of a better word, a male slut. I mean, when I met the woman who would become my wife- a belly dancer at that- my mom actually told her to watch out, that I was not the settling down type. Anyway, to make a long story short, I met my match. Geez, what is this, a confessional? For some reason, I detect more of you in here than the rogue. By far, this is the strongest of your roguish winks.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Now this one, I can completely relate too. I always suffered from the nice guy syndrome until grad school and beyond. I could say serial monogamy to the extreme, but that's putting it lightly. I guess I was making up for lost time, made this rogue thing my reason for being. Not a mean rogue, but for lack of a better word, a male slut. I mean, when I met the woman who would become my wife- a belly dancer at that- my mom actually told her to watch out, that I was not the settling down type. Anyway, to make a long story short, I met my match. Geez, what is this, a confessional? For some reason, I detect more of you in here than the rogue. By far, this is the strongest of your roguish winks.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thanks very much, raven. I actually have some stronger ones, but some of the reactions I got recently made me hold those in reserve. It's a bit of a double standard, I think, but one I understand, so my poems that deal with weight, age, etc. are probably not going to be well-received, especially considering the one I did about breasts. :)
I feel like your priest or bartender, but I can say that you and I have probably lived parallel lives in this regard, and I appreciate your insights, as well.
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ummm...definitely bartender.
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I would agree. :)
Comment from michaelcahill
More great fun. I can see that you are hardly ready to give up the roost. When will they learn that you need but twenty minutes to re-load! Love that last line! Hahaha. Didn't see it coming and it slayed me. (Them too I expect)
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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More great fun. I can see that you are hardly ready to give up the roost. When will they learn that you need but twenty minutes to re-load! Love that last line! Hahaha. Didn't see it coming and it slayed me. (Them too I expect)
Comment Written 25-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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I think I may actually give it a little break now, Mikey, and save my six "in the can" poems for another time, or never. We'll see. Thanks so much, though, for your funny poem, and for this review.
Comment from paulah60
I'm glad to see this poem portrays the rogue as having some depth, unlike the one-dimensional caricature that he is in your other pieces (and in our ripostes!). What I take from this one is a sense of the rogue saying: "You KNEW what you were getting into, so why are you complaining?" The ingenue might have little awareness, but this piece seems to speak to the one who intuits correctly that he's a slippery character, yet dives in head-first anyway! Which woman can't relate to that?! How often I've heard it said, "he's nice, but nice is boring." The rogue can be infinitely more exciting (I've known a rogue or five myself!). Charming men can make dangerous lovers though. And guaranteed, a woman will open a Pandora's box when she succumbs to this kind of man. If she ever hopes to break the cycle, she'd do well to NOT put the lid back on. It's only in the dark corners of that box that she'll retrieve hope, or else she'll be forever doomed to keep re-enacting this hopeless kind of relationship, and then moan that there are no decent guys out there, or that all men are bastards.
I may have read more into this than what you intended, but I doubt that very much: you're a writer of infinite depth. There's always a rich subtext even in your pieces that might appear frivolous.
One suggestion (and maybe it's splitting hairs, in which case ignore). I kept coming back to the line, 'But in this game you take the blame'. I understand that the rogue is telling her she IS to blame for doing what she won't condone. But saying she TAKES the blame implies she assumes responsibility. And she's certainly not doing that ('you ARE to blame' would disrupt the meter) ??
Anyway, it's been a whole lot of fun sparring with the rogue, but it's starting to feel like overkill, so no riposte from me ... for the moment anyway. That could change tomorrow, ha!
David, if I had a six, you'd get it for this one.
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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I'm glad to see this poem portrays the rogue as having some depth, unlike the one-dimensional caricature that he is in your other pieces (and in our ripostes!). What I take from this one is a sense of the rogue saying: "You KNEW what you were getting into, so why are you complaining?" The ingenue might have little awareness, but this piece seems to speak to the one who intuits correctly that he's a slippery character, yet dives in head-first anyway! Which woman can't relate to that?! How often I've heard it said, "he's nice, but nice is boring." The rogue can be infinitely more exciting (I've known a rogue or five myself!). Charming men can make dangerous lovers though. And guaranteed, a woman will open a Pandora's box when she succumbs to this kind of man. If she ever hopes to break the cycle, she'd do well to NOT put the lid back on. It's only in the dark corners of that box that she'll retrieve hope, or else she'll be forever doomed to keep re-enacting this hopeless kind of relationship, and then moan that there are no decent guys out there, or that all men are bastards.
I may have read more into this than what you intended, but I doubt that very much: you're a writer of infinite depth. There's always a rich subtext even in your pieces that might appear frivolous.
One suggestion (and maybe it's splitting hairs, in which case ignore). I kept coming back to the line, 'But in this game you take the blame'. I understand that the rogue is telling her she IS to blame for doing what she won't condone. But saying she TAKES the blame implies she assumes responsibility. And she's certainly not doing that ('you ARE to blame' would disrupt the meter) ??
Anyway, it's been a whole lot of fun sparring with the rogue, but it's starting to feel like overkill, so no riposte from me ... for the moment anyway. That could change tomorrow, ha!
David, if I had a six, you'd get it for this one.
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 25-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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As usually, Paula, your own depth recognizes that in another. Yes, this one was probably more personal, because I was actually the nice guy for a time, until I grew older and wiser. I was never the rogue of this variety, but let's just say that when I understood women, I knew the "code" of how to act around them. I do like your suggestion, and you're right about the perception of that word, so I'll change it to your idea or maybe to "own".
Either way, I love your reviews as much as your work, Paula, and that says A LOT. You get a six from me, too. :) Thanks again.
