The Waters Off Rigel Part 3
Short Story15 total reviews
Comment from 24chas
Yeah, time to fly. Another great chapter. Really getting into this story. A couple of mentions: "This (They ?) only need an RSVP card to make it more clearly an invitation" and "Organizations designed to show the truth of what a hideous society we (are) really sprung up all over the world"
Look forward to the next one.
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Yeah, time to fly. Another great chapter. Really getting into this story. A couple of mentions: "This (They ?) only need an RSVP card to make it more clearly an invitation" and "Organizations designed to show the truth of what a hideous society we (are) really sprung up all over the world"
Look forward to the next one.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
oh dear friend i laughed this was amazing so beautifully put together It seems silly owning space especially space that is outside of earth's atmosphere. But, countries own portions of the deep blue sea don't they. Our waters, our air space, how human are terms like that? The Viacom Star way to Tomorrow Wormhole, your entrance to the galaxy. It isn't that far-fetched. It certainly isn't to Viaco excellent piece of reading a delightful joy mikey
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oh dear friend i laughed this was amazing so beautifully put together It seems silly owning space especially space that is outside of earth's atmosphere. But, countries own portions of the deep blue sea don't they. Our waters, our air space, how human are terms like that? The Viacom Star way to Tomorrow Wormhole, your entrance to the galaxy. It isn't that far-fetched. It certainly isn't to Viaco excellent piece of reading a delightful joy mikey
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
Comment from robina1978
This chapter is indeed better.I had to smile about the farting bit. Attacks were never successful and they or the others came back as skeletons.
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This chapter is indeed better.I had to smile about the farting bit. Attacks were never successful and they or the others came back as skeletons.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
Comment from crzypnter
I still enjoy the little bits of humor in your story. If I could be a little more objective on this part. A couple of places in the story felt like you were just trying to fill in the blanks with some unneeded words. In your rewrite I would slim this one down a bit. But, I am still curious to where this will go. Good job my friend GOD bless August :)
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I still enjoy the little bits of humor in your story. If I could be a little more objective on this part. A couple of places in the story felt like you were just trying to fill in the blanks with some unneeded words. In your rewrite I would slim this one down a bit. But, I am still curious to where this will go. Good job my friend GOD bless August :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Another interesting post. No matter what happens, it won't be long to find a group of people who worships something, are someone who declares it evil. The human condition is funny that way :) Just a few suggestions:
The testing and talking and debating went on seemingly endlessly. --- The testing, talking, and debating went on seemingly endlessly.
The team redefined restless several times. --- not sure what you wanted to say here ???
Mike, there is also WAY too many unnecessary adverbs in this piece. It it doesn't add any value, remove it.
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Another interesting post. No matter what happens, it won't be long to find a group of people who worships something, are someone who declares it evil. The human condition is funny that way :) Just a few suggestions:
The testing and talking and debating went on seemingly endlessly. --- The testing, talking, and debating went on seemingly endlessly.
The team redefined restless several times. --- not sure what you wanted to say here ???
Mike, there is also WAY too many unnecessary adverbs in this piece. It it doesn't add any value, remove it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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That happens to me. I concentrate on one thing and my other bad habits run wild. I need to put a chart in front of me!! AARRRRgg. Yes. I will fix that. I love that sentence. I read it and I am not sure what I wanted to say either. HAhaha. Thanks for your help. You should see how the original of this was written. I am getting better! mikey
