Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is an interesting post from the author. The writer starts of with plenty of narration, and then there is a nice spattering of dialogue which breaks it up nicely. I haven't been following this story, but it seems interesting.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

It's always a fine line between telling and showing, Tomes. Thanks for your balanced perspective. Warm regards, Bev

reply by Tomes Johnston on 13-Jan-2014

My pleasure.

Comment from Aussie

Excellent

'punching IN numbers?' You keep the reader
interested from go to whoa. I find your story interesting because I like writers that hold the plot e.g. James Patterson. So far so good - liked the idea of the Rosary Room. Well done friend.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

I love that, Kay. 'From go to whoa.' My new mantra! Also, I think your tweaking is a good idea. Really appreciate your encouragement and support, my friend. Hugs, Bev

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

Did you enter some new characters in this chapter, there were some I did not remember from before. Now at least they know the name of the killer.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Hi, Ine. I've added one new temporary character for the sake of this chapter - Officer Langston.

Thanks so much for your kind review.

:0) Bev

Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

Lots of suspense and mystery in the chapter. Vivid imagery created throughout. Lots of tension as you develop the plan and make this an interesting chapter in your book

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Thanks so much, emrpoems. Your generous and encouraging review is much appreciated! Bev

Comment from Joy Graham

Exceptional

Ooh! I have goosebumps lol! It is nice to finally know who the murderer is. I'm thinking the guy killed his own mother. Poor thing :( i also think the dog is a spirit of some sort though I don't know if it is a good or bad spirit. Great job, Bev. Looking forward to the next chapter :)

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Some interesting findings in part two, Joy, as you've suggested.

Thanks so much for hanging in there with me on this book. You've always been so generous and encouraging, and I very much appreciate that.

Hugs, Bev

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Good Morning, Bev

You continue to develop your book in fine form. The tension builds forward as you further develop the characters. The animal noise may have made his arm hair stand on end, but the following phrasing made mine stand on end:

The house felt to Skeets as if it were a spider waiting for a fly to slip into its web. His senses were on high alert as he followed the strong smell of bleach.

Superb imagery and phraseology, Bev. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Ray

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Ray, thank you so much for this wonderful review. It's always nice to get an idea of what is working for the readers. Your encouragement and support mean a lot to me.

Warmest regards, Bev

Comment from marijmd

Excellent

I believe this is my first time checking out your book - thanks for the recap - lots of suspense and mystery in the chapter i found it to be a fun read.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Thank you so much, marijmd. There's still some surprising twists to come! Appreciate the generous review. :0) Bev

Comment from CR Delport

Excellent

I wondered where they disappeared to? Skeets saw them, so their has to be a hidden exit somewhere. Another great chapter that makes for a good read.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Thanks so much, CR. I really appreciate your generous review and continued support! Bev

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

Along The Jericho Road. 'Napha Moon, Part One.' This is another example of your skill in writing these excellent chapters. I'm very glad to be back so I can continue to read your work. Well done.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Good to have you back, C. Thanks so much for your generosity and encouragement. Warmest regards, Bev

reply by chasennov on 13-Jan-2014

Glad to be back, Bev. I got married in Perth on 30 November, to (A Matter Of Words). You are always most welcome. Kind regards.

reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014

Well, heart Congratulations to you both. Another successful FanStory collaboration. I'm so excited for you. :0) Bev

Comment from Paddywack

Excellent

Yep - enjoyed this one too. Plenty of tension and a bit of the unknown to keep you interested. Likeable character in Skeets. Good, technically too - structure, POV, imagery (felt I was there). I have a few points you might want to look at:
'Traveling on foot, he approached the house of the serial killer cutting a vicious swath through the elderly of St. Matilde's parish.' Reads as though Skeets is the one doing the cutting. Maybe 'who had cut a vicious..'
Is the old lady asleep... or ... worse? omit worse - you're telegraphing it. Let the reader decide.
It's source sounded close, very close. - just 'It sounded close, very close.'
"There's a large animal on the property. It followed me around the house, staying just out of sight." "There's a large animal about. I didn't see it, but I heard it." (I'm thinking this is a recording on loudspeaker or such, and you don't want to give the game away.)
Epstein circled the Pearce home in an effort to ascertain who, or what, (don't need 'or what')
Skeets pushed open the door and entered. The bed was stripped, ....

That's it. Hope this helps. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2014

Some good suggestions here, P. Thank you for taking time to read with an eye to making the chapter better. I appreciate it.
Bev