Noises of War.
May we never hear them...(jaq cee)23 total reviews
Comment from Laura everly
Well written poem. Good work. Describes the sounds of war well hoping we never have to hear those sounds again in United States. Well written.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Well written poem. Good work. Describes the sounds of war well hoping we never have to hear those sounds again in United States. Well written.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Amen to that Laura. Your review is much appreciated. :) Jaq xx
Comment from royowen
I quite like the images you have projected with this poem. You can almost hear the bombs and guns, but this is the way it's supposed to be!
It almost had a rhythmic, lyrical quality to it, except for the last line, second verse. Well done, good luck. Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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I quite like the images you have projected with this poem. You can almost hear the bombs and guns, but this is the way it's supposed to be!
It almost had a rhythmic, lyrical quality to it, except for the last line, second verse. Well done, good luck. Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Many thanks roy and I'll look at that line :) Jaq x
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. This is a grating piece, as it should be! Well done. I could hear the artillary, the odd left over echo of bullets and guns.
May you be well.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Hello. This is a grating piece, as it should be! Well done. I could hear the artillary, the odd left over echo of bullets and guns.
May you be well.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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padumachitta many thanks for your wonderful review. Glad you enjoyed this. :) Jaq x
Comment from lakeport
Noise of war. Congratulation on your win, Noise of war bring back some memories of the wars bomings. Thanks for sharing the story. God bless you. Hugs!lakeport.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Noise of war. Congratulation on your win, Noise of war bring back some memories of the wars bomings. Thanks for sharing the story. God bless you. Hugs!lakeport.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks Lakeport. It would be a wonderful world if we never had to hear that sound ever again. :) xx
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your welcome,
could you please review my poem "Trust And Believe"Thank you,Hugs!Lakeport.
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Of course I will x
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thank you very much.Hugs!Lakeport.
Comment from Jean Lutz
So deserving of this win, my friend. Keep sounding the alarm. Sadly we will hear the cacophony of war until peace enters the heart of all peoples.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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So deserving of this win, my friend. Keep sounding the alarm. Sadly we will hear the cacophony of war until peace enters the heart of all peoples.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much Jean let's hope we see a cessation of war but I know it will not be in our lifetime xx
Comment from in777wr#
Yes, the sounds of war are clearly seen in this poem. Great mental picture of war with the words you used. Your poem reads, and flows well. Nice job.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Yes, the sounds of war are clearly seen in this poem. Great mental picture of war with the words you used. Your poem reads, and flows well. Nice job.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Many thanks for your kind review :) x
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Many thanks for your kind review :) x
Comment from mfowler
You've used Onomatopoeia very effectively in giving mood to this well crafted poem about war. A cacophony it surely is! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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You've used Onomatopoeia very effectively in giving mood to this well crafted poem about war. A cacophony it surely is! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks for your review and good wishes. Much appreciated :) x
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Thanks for your review and good wishes. Much appreciated :) x
Comment from MERRY1
very well done. i can hear the noise of those terrible bombs that create such havoc. it must have been dreadful to live in war zones. frightening and the silent ones were even worse. Like he picture it illustrates the work well
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2014
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very well done. i can hear the noise of those terrible bombs that create such havoc. it must have been dreadful to live in war zones. frightening and the silent ones were even worse. Like he picture it illustrates the work well
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much MERRY1, I agree it must be terrible to live like that :) x
Comment from MarjorieAnne
War noises would definitely be discordant. You've picked a fitting topic and crafted these stanzas to appeal with rhyme and repetition. The woooo sound doesn't sound shrill or strident enough for sirens. Maybe something like bleeeee or rreeeeaaaa? For bombs, pounding would be stronger than thundering. The word "it's" in the ack-ack line should not have an apostrophe. I like the idea of the sound of silence, but it's a popular song title and also doesn't add to the cacophony. The guns don't actually pepper the sky. How about "booms" or "shots"?
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2014
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War noises would definitely be discordant. You've picked a fitting topic and crafted these stanzas to appeal with rhyme and repetition. The woooo sound doesn't sound shrill or strident enough for sirens. Maybe something like bleeeee or rreeeeaaaa? For bombs, pounding would be stronger than thundering. The word "it's" in the ack-ack line should not have an apostrophe. I like the idea of the sound of silence, but it's a popular song title and also doesn't add to the cacophony. The guns don't actually pepper the sky. How about "booms" or "shots"?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2014
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Thanks for your very thorough review :) x
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You're welcome
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of abcb rhyming
fires it's wares - drop the apostrophe
good alliteration in whoosh and whine
and in chaos/creates
excellent focus on sounds in this cacophony poem and strong social commentary on the destructive nature of war
Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2014
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solid use of abcb rhyming
fires it's wares - drop the apostrophe
good alliteration in whoosh and whine
and in chaos/creates
excellent focus on sounds in this cacophony poem and strong social commentary on the destructive nature of war
Brooke
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for the pointers and the cracking review Brooke x
