The Freeze: Part 1
Science Fiction/Love Story17 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, wow. This line "a sigh indicates a sweet longing and very tender regret" is a spot on description. The plain English and easily understood language is well done. It also speaks of a universal experience in love that describes love unrequited. This may not be an original thought, but why don't you make your love an alien in disguise to explain her lack of mutual response. Then that you let you off the hook as a self-proclaimed loser! LOL Purely what you have portrayed, not the reader's agreement. HaHa, I love this. I was raised on Twilight Zone and caused some consternation, I'm sure, when my 3rd grade teacher watched me draw the standard flying saucer on the chalk board when we had free time. I watch the TZ marathon on New Year's day and had a blast. Fortunately for me, my husband is a die-hard Sci-fi fan, too. Tangenting again. Anyway, this is a top-notched write! (Are you having any technical problems posting your writes?) :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, wow. This line "a sigh indicates a sweet longing and very tender regret" is a spot on description. The plain English and easily understood language is well done. It also speaks of a universal experience in love that describes love unrequited. This may not be an original thought, but why don't you make your love an alien in disguise to explain her lack of mutual response. Then that you let you off the hook as a self-proclaimed loser! LOL Purely what you have portrayed, not the reader's agreement. HaHa, I love this. I was raised on Twilight Zone and caused some consternation, I'm sure, when my 3rd grade teacher watched me draw the standard flying saucer on the chalk board when we had free time. I watch the TZ marathon on New Year's day and had a blast. Fortunately for me, my husband is a die-hard Sci-fi fan, too. Tangenting again. Anyway, this is a top-notched write! (Are you having any technical problems posting your writes?) :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 06-Jan-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
A great start. Cannot wait to read more. Not a typucal dry sci fi piece. Lots of humor and romance. Seems to be heading in philosophical direction.
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A great start. Cannot wait to read more. Not a typucal dry sci fi piece. Lots of humor and romance. Seems to be heading in philosophical direction.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Oh you prankster, stumbling along to become an expert at alien intelligence. Of course, it only makes sense that poets would be experts in alien intelligence-they probably think like us. I like this so far. Don't know if you are going there, but is your partner in the story an alien (don't tell me or I will pelt you with Reese' s Pieces.
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Oh you prankster, stumbling along to become an expert at alien intelligence. Of course, it only makes sense that poets would be experts in alien intelligence-they probably think like us. I like this so far. Don't know if you are going there, but is your partner in the story an alien (don't tell me or I will pelt you with Reese' s Pieces.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
Comment from PrincessinPurple
As I read your story.....for me I didn't feel a connection to the character at all. I found my myself wondering who this was, what did this man look like, who is the woman he thinking about?
There are no correction that I could see. I hope you do continue this story I would like to see how it progress if you do continue to writer the story.
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As I read your story.....for me I didn't feel a connection to the character at all. I found my myself wondering who this was, what did this man look like, who is the woman he thinking about?
There are no correction that I could see. I hope you do continue this story I would like to see how it progress if you do continue to writer the story.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
Comment from Sasha
Oops! I forgot to add my second comment.
I love it! I cannot wait for the next installment. My only thought is that your beloved is an alien and you have yet to find out. Other than that, I trust you unique imagination to keep me on edge until you post the final chapter.
I became like a marionette. Yet, it was I, pulling the strings, desperately looking for the dance that would capture her attention...awesome sentence that really captured my imagination.
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Oops! I forgot to add my second comment.
I love it! I cannot wait for the next installment. My only thought is that your beloved is an alien and you have yet to find out. Other than that, I trust you unique imagination to keep me on edge until you post the final chapter.
I became like a marionette. Yet, it was I, pulling the strings, desperately looking for the dance that would capture her attention...awesome sentence that really captured my imagination.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
Comment from adewpearl
Great description of this woman and soulful expression of the narrator's feelings toward her - I really like the "sigh" passage
You contrast well how much he loves her with his increased awareness of the negative aspects of their relationship dynamic
a fascinating shift in the narrative from this couple's personal relationship to their whole "alien" connection
Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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Great description of this woman and soulful expression of the narrator's feelings toward her - I really like the "sigh" passage
You contrast well how much he loves her with his increased awareness of the negative aspects of their relationship dynamic
a fascinating shift in the narrative from this couple's personal relationship to their whole "alien" connection
Brooke
Comment Written 04-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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Glad you liked that. I was worried that I spent too much time on the relationship and just sprung the aliens on everyone. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from l.raven
OK !!! Michael, lets see where you go with your aliens...LOL...It's very well written...a bit different for you...next!!!Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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OK !!! Michael, lets see where you go with your aliens...LOL...It's very well written...a bit different for you...next!!!Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 04-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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I am so far behind answering these. But, I am reading them and appreciating your input, mikey
Comment from Darkhorse555
I started laughing thinking mikey has been touched by aliens rumors of alien contact were rampant throughout really delightfully beautiful read excellent dear friend
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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I started laughing thinking mikey has been touched by aliens rumors of alien contact were rampant throughout really delightfully beautiful read excellent dear friend
Comment Written 04-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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Glad you are following this. Been reading your reviews and appreciating them. Way behind in responding. BURIED!!!!
Comment from Tatarka2
I would love to give you a higher rating, since I always do. Here's what I didn't like here: the first part of the piece shouts "show, don't tell" to me. You're telling the reader too much, albeit poetically. Then, I don't really get how the story hangs together. The aliens seem to come in totally randomly in a story about unrequited love (of course, how else WOULD aliens appear?) I think you have the beginning of a very interesting novel here, and I would read it, as a novel. As a short story, it's not working for me. But I'd continue with it, maybe as a beginning outline for a very interesting story.
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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I would love to give you a higher rating, since I always do. Here's what I didn't like here: the first part of the piece shouts "show, don't tell" to me. You're telling the reader too much, albeit poetically. Then, I don't really get how the story hangs together. The aliens seem to come in totally randomly in a story about unrequited love (of course, how else WOULD aliens appear?) I think you have the beginning of a very interesting novel here, and I would read it, as a novel. As a short story, it's not working for me. But I'd continue with it, maybe as a beginning outline for a very interesting story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2014
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Hi. Great input. I am woefully behind in responding to reviews. But, I have been reading and making notes. I will keep all of your great input in mind when I rewrite this. Whatever it started out to be it ended up going who knows where! Trying to catch up. I am reading though and hopefully taking some good advice.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
As I am not alien orientated, I thought you were talking about your first wife and the band. Or you were and I missed the whole point. Maybe I should go back to bed, I'm tired. LOL
Nancy
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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As I am not alien orientated, I thought you were talking about your first wife and the band. Or you were and I missed the whole point. Maybe I should go back to bed, I'm tired. LOL
Nancy
Comment Written 04-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Ha. I took a long time getting to the aliens blathering about the love interest between the two main characters. My sci fi. doesn't have much science in it. Mainly characters and philosophy and the aliens are kind of incidental Well, more to come. mikey
