Ambrosia
Mining in space 597 words35 total reviews
Comment from Ximstone
Hard to do in 600 words so good job. Excellent use of literary device to explain some of the back story. But I was left looking for just one more thing to make the water exceptional like some curative properties or maybe it was all in the packaging?
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Hard to do in 600 words so good job. Excellent use of literary device to explain some of the back story. But I was left looking for just one more thing to make the water exceptional like some curative properties or maybe it was all in the packaging?
Comment Written 04-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Yes, I did struggle with keeping it to 600 words. In fact the first draft was almost 1300. I had to do a lot of cutting to meet the prompt requirements.
I intend to turn this into something longer and like the curative properties you suggest. Water and mineral water have been said to have those qualities. Why not asteroid water? Certainly there are properties in the water that are lost when an asteroid burns up in the atmosphereâ?¦now one that is distilled and brought down to earth with all its essence must have something special in it. Scientifically proven of course. I like it. Thank you for the suggestion and I will be using it.
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Lots of great possibilities for your story. Hope I get a chance to read it.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
H think Abigail's grandfather must be one of the greatest salesmen of all time. In today's advertising wonder-world, it is often not what you get, but what you think you get that determines value. Take, for example Houston's city water. Our hundred-year-old water mains and local chemical plants add favors from rusty to foul and moldy to our tap water. In other words the taste is not from water, but impurities in the water.
About ten years ago somebody in Houston Public Works noted that through the process of reverse osmosis over99 per cemt of hmpurities could be removed leaving tasteless water. The minerals could be added to give desirable flavors. The process was too expensive for city wide distribution. but it could be bottled for high profits.
Now bottled Houston water is distributed across Texas. Moone can tell by taste alone that bottled Houston water differes from the finest imported water. Of course the price of foreign imports is higher so snob appeal still produces high sales.
So you see Gramps simply used sales appeal to give ambosia water great appeal. I love it.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
As bottled trinking water became populat
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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H think Abigail's grandfather must be one of the greatest salesmen of all time. In today's advertising wonder-world, it is often not what you get, but what you think you get that determines value. Take, for example Houston's city water. Our hundred-year-old water mains and local chemical plants add favors from rusty to foul and moldy to our tap water. In other words the taste is not from water, but impurities in the water.
About ten years ago somebody in Houston Public Works noted that through the process of reverse osmosis over99 per cemt of hmpurities could be removed leaving tasteless water. The minerals could be added to give desirable flavors. The process was too expensive for city wide distribution. but it could be bottled for high profits.
Now bottled Houston water is distributed across Texas. Moone can tell by taste alone that bottled Houston water differes from the finest imported water. Of course the price of foreign imports is higher so snob appeal still produces high sales.
So you see Gramps simply used sales appeal to give ambosia water great appeal. I love it.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
As bottled trinking water became populat
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the kind comments. You're right about purified water being tasteless. I remember one of my teachers bringing some to class to demonstrate that we really do want some minerals and things in the water. I know in my area there are some cities that have better tasting tap water than others.
You are also right about sob appeal of advertising too. It's what they think they are getting.
I don't know if there is a character limit for reviews, but your comments seem to have cut off mid word.
Thanks so much for taking time to read and for the great review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Mastery
Wow! Very well written, debi. Lots of imagination and youm stuck to the jargon and theme all the way through. Nice. I liked the ending. great job. Bob
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Wow! Very well written, debi. Lots of imagination and youm stuck to the jargon and theme all the way through. Nice. I liked the ending. great job. Bob
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the positive comments, Bob. I appreciate you pointing out specifics about what you felt worked. I am delighted that you liked the story and appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from kiwijenny
Ambrosia.....the elixir of life....and it was water.....awesome....
In our house it's coffee...I wonder what the coffee from Asteroid belt water would taste like?
Well done...I enjoyed it
God bless
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Ambrosia.....the elixir of life....and it was water.....awesome....
In our house it's coffee...I wonder what the coffee from Asteroid belt water would taste like?
Well done...I enjoyed it
God bless
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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I'll bet coffee made with Ambrosia could be wonderfulâ?¦
Thank you so much for the encouraging review. I am so pleased that you like this story.
Have a wonderful New Year and hope all the best blessings come your way.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Is Gramps really mining astroids for water, or is he selling plain old spring water to gullible people? Water is water. Who would know the difference? I thought he was a clever salesman.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Is Gramps really mining astroids for water, or is he selling plain old spring water to gullible people? Water is water. Who would know the difference? I thought he was a clever salesman.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2014
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Gramps is pretty clever, but the astroid water is for real. Regulations and testing before entering orbit will make sure of that. Thanks so much for stopping by to check out the story. I appreciate the great review. Thank you.
Comment from dennis0530
Well written. The story is compact and easy to follow.
Though the characters are in space, the dialogue is down-to-earth with no fancy, out-of this world terminologies.
The use of "ambrosia" is symbolic. Long known to be the food of gods, it was believed to bestow youth and immortality. Man's ambition of outer space exploration could also be a search for these qualities - with the added (or can I say main)purpose of monetary profit.
Just fitting for the character to declare, "It's life itself." Water, on earth is really such. Up there, the "exotic" labeling bestows on it a rarity attribute which can up the profit margin. Connoisseurs would surely be willing to pay for it. The extra virgin pure kind could easily be claimed to bestow longevity to drinkers.
I raise my glass of ambrosia, er, extra virgin water - to our health.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2014
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Well written. The story is compact and easy to follow.
Though the characters are in space, the dialogue is down-to-earth with no fancy, out-of this world terminologies.
The use of "ambrosia" is symbolic. Long known to be the food of gods, it was believed to bestow youth and immortality. Man's ambition of outer space exploration could also be a search for these qualities - with the added (or can I say main)purpose of monetary profit.
Just fitting for the character to declare, "It's life itself." Water, on earth is really such. Up there, the "exotic" labeling bestows on it a rarity attribute which can up the profit margin. Connoisseurs would surely be willing to pay for it. The extra virgin pure kind could easily be claimed to bestow longevity to drinkers.
I raise my glass of ambrosia, er, extra virgin water - to our health.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2014
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And a raised glass to you as well. Thank you for your kind comments and an encouraging review. I appreciate your insights about ambrosia and the story itself. Thank you and have a wonderful New Year.
Comment from Macsween
I though this story was great. The standard of work in this competition was fantastic. I found this to be very interesting and also a great read. From what I read these days mining asteroids may become a reality in the future.
I know the competition is over now and I know that this story didn't win (neither did mine), but I think that its the writing that counts and for what its worth I voted for you to win.
I would like to read more of your work and I will.
Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2014
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I though this story was great. The standard of work in this competition was fantastic. I found this to be very interesting and also a great read. From what I read these days mining asteroids may become a reality in the future.
I know the competition is over now and I know that this story didn't win (neither did mine), but I think that its the writing that counts and for what its worth I voted for you to win.
I would like to read more of your work and I will.
Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for a wonderful review, Macsween. I agree that it was a great contest. I admit I read the entries several times because it was difficult to make a choice. You had an excellent entry and were so close to winning. You had my vote. LOL. I am honored that I had yours.
I have only posted a couple of prose works on the site and this is the first prose contest I have entered, but I feel like it was well worth entering. Without the prompt I wouldn't have come up with the idea for this story and I am considering developing it into a longer work.
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. Work was supposed to slow down at the first of the year, but business has been so good that we are hiring another 100 employees to add to our 250. It has been busy. I will still get my writing in though. It is what I truly enjoy.
Comment from Keturah Martin
This flash fiction writing has good grammar and sentence structure. The descriptions used in getting the picture painted for the readers is done very well. Keep up the great work, my friend.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2014
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This flash fiction writing has good grammar and sentence structure. The descriptions used in getting the picture painted for the readers is done very well. Keep up the great work, my friend.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the encouragement, Keturah Martin. I appreciate the kind comments about the grammar, sentence structure and descriptions. Thank you!
Comment from Maltese Falcon
you have a nice piece of flash fiction here. its well written and I love the name that you gave the water. am interested to know if you might turn it into a longer story
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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you have a nice piece of flash fiction here. its well written and I love the name that you gave the water. am interested to know if you might turn it into a longer story
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for the encouraging comments, Maltese Falcon. I do think the story has possibilities, maybe as a novella. Gramps couldn't have made a fortune without making some enemies, and space has all sorts of dangers, especially for a curious teenager.
I see you are new to the site. Welcome. I look forward to reading your writing once you post.
Thanks again for the encouragement and the stars. I appreciate it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, w.j. you did an excellent job writing this story about the water mined from space that got an adventurous man his money. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest. i kept thinking of olive oil as i was reading it.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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this is very well written, w.j. you did an excellent job writing this story about the water mined from space that got an adventurous man his money. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest. i kept thinking of olive oil as i was reading it.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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I am so delighted that you enjoyed this story. I appreciate the kind comments and good luck wishes. Funny you should mention olive oil because I was thinking of olive oil when I was trying to decide how to identify the levels of ambrosia. LOL. I appreciate the encouragement you offer. Thank you.
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Looks like you got some good stories for your pastor. This was a fun contest. I think there are a lot of people out there that like clean sci-fi. I know I do.
