Family
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 "Deadly Thoughts"Personal poems
16 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Powerful write. I could not imagine hurling myself in the sea and definitely can't picture you getting to that point. For the sake of my kids, no matter what I would never take that step. Your pseudo-limerick really works, the form' s tone clashing w/the subject matter creating a turbulence of mind that you probably felt.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
  |
Powerful write. I could not imagine hurling myself in the sea and definitely can't picture you getting to that point. For the sake of my kids, no matter what I would never take that step. Your pseudo-limerick really works, the form' s tone clashing w/the subject matter creating a turbulence of mind that you probably felt.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
-
Thank you ravenblack. Yes, you are very perceptive.
Comment from AnnieGale
I thought this was sad but beautifully written. To be down in the depths of despair where your thoughts take over but in the end you realize your life affects many others so you struggle to the top for breath...thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
I thought this was sad but beautifully written. To be down in the depths of despair where your thoughts take over but in the end you realize your life affects many others so you struggle to the top for breath...thank you for sharing
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you so much for your comments and concern.
Comment from dancerwriter
What an absolutely remarkable picture! it conjures up so much pain and sorrow.When one goes through deep despair as I assume you have, what can I say without knowing the full circumstances of the cause.
These are deadly thoughts you portray which could bury you in a pit of nothingness. I hope your children do not feel this way as you do. Please God things improve for you. Lesley.J.Mooney
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
What an absolutely remarkable picture! it conjures up so much pain and sorrow.When one goes through deep despair as I assume you have, what can I say without knowing the full circumstances of the cause.
These are deadly thoughts you portray which could bury you in a pit of nothingness. I hope your children do not feel this way as you do. Please God things improve for you. Lesley.J.Mooney
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you dancefwriter, that happened 20 years ago. In different time, a different place. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from amoeck
A great limerick. I feel I was brought to the past style. One thing troubles me: IMHO, it should not be classified as a biographical poetry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
 |
A great limerick. I feel I was brought to the past style. One thing troubles me: IMHO, it should not be classified as a biographical poetry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you very much amoeck.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Trischel,
This an exceptional poem fully deserving of six stars if I had them so please accept a virtual six star rating. The rhyme, meter and figurative language are superb. I swear that most people who commit suicide do not give a tinkers damm about how it will affect their children who will be prone to do the same thing. Congratulations on pulling back from the brink.
Preston
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
Hi, Trischel,
This an exceptional poem fully deserving of six stars if I had them so please accept a virtual six star rating. The rhyme, meter and figurative language are superb. I swear that most people who commit suicide do not give a tinkers damm about how it will affect their children who will be prone to do the same thing. Congratulations on pulling back from the brink.
Preston
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you Preston. You comments are well appreciated.
Comment from rod007
This poem displays some pretty dark and raw emotions of suicide but you skillfully portrayed in the last stanza how you pulled away from that perilous path. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
This poem displays some pretty dark and raw emotions of suicide but you skillfully portrayed in the last stanza how you pulled away from that perilous path. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you rod. I stood at the edge for about an hour, contemplating it.
Comment from Capricorn30
And a well-penned Limerick-like writing it is;
Turmoil can often cause the effects of being caught in the ocean's raging waters as we attempt to cope;
The thoughts of others often overpowers feeble attempts in altering life's difficult dilemmas.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
And a well-penned Limerick-like writing it is;
Turmoil can often cause the effects of being caught in the ocean's raging waters as we attempt to cope;
The thoughts of others often overpowers feeble attempts in altering life's difficult dilemmas.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you Margaret. Glad you liked it, and appreciate your comments.
Comment from Green Lake Girl
So glad that you asked those questions of yourself . . . "But flee to what . . ." and
"What is left behind?" It takes courage to write about hard and sad times. Happy you are with us on FanStory.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
So glad that you asked those questions of yourself . . . "But flee to what . . ." and
"What is left behind?" It takes courage to write about hard and sad times. Happy you are with us on FanStory.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you Marietta for such lovely, encouraging words.
Comment from Robin Gilmor
Another venue of yours from an earlier time. Though the subject is depressing, I have to commend you on how the poetic quality and good flow draws the reader into the scene you have built. Well done. Line five 'quite solace' or
quiet solace of the ocean's tomb? I like it very much. You could also make it four lines by combining the third and fourth line together which would give you a classic internal rhyme as well as ABCB end form. Just a possibility. If you want internal rhyme it can be very hard to do, but this has it. A good read. Smiles. Robin :)
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
 |
Another venue of yours from an earlier time. Though the subject is depressing, I have to commend you on how the poetic quality and good flow draws the reader into the scene you have built. Well done. Line five 'quite solace' or
quiet solace of the ocean's tomb? I like it very much. You could also make it four lines by combining the third and fourth line together which would give you a classic internal rhyme as well as ABCB end form. Just a possibility. If you want internal rhyme it can be very hard to do, but this has it. A good read. Smiles. Robin :)
Comment Written 02-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you very much Robin, you comments are greatly appreciated. I did mean Quiet. I fix that. I am very pleased with your rating.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Tom, those of us that have crawled through those storms recognize the pain. Well penned my friend - may you always be prepared for your storms :)
Happy New Year!
Maureen
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
|
Dear Tom, those of us that have crawled through those storms recognize the pain. Well penned my friend - may you always be prepared for your storms :)
Happy New Year!
Maureen
Comment Written 01-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2014
-
Thank you Maureen. Happy New Year to you. I appreciate you wonderful comments.
