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Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "***Selling Off of the GREED!!!***"My Self Biograpy
2 total reviews
Comment from gudbjorg
Mans inhumanity to man hasn't changed, the lock of love and greed seems just to be the way of life today, and I expect no other except from the precious few who dare to fight the status que! God's Love is the answer, letīs work on how to use it! Thank you for sharing this!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Mans inhumanity to man hasn't changed, the lock of love and greed seems just to be the way of life today, and I expect no other except from the precious few who dare to fight the status que! God's Love is the answer, letīs work on how to use it! Thank you for sharing this!
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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My New Year Resolutions.
#1- promote World piece.
#2- Feed the starving.
#3-Promote Religion.
#4-Tear down the infrastructure and make it proper.
Promote mental heath, education, abuse of the aged, and deformed, diseased, and military veteran's.
Tobacco, Alcohol and drug consumptions, Monopolizations, Banking, Tele communications, and 'Wake Up Shake Up"
this F****** Planet!!
Thanks,
24.
Comment from pugwash
hi doc, my first review!
The title clues in the poem - the capitalisation and exclamation marks betray a desperation to make an impact where none exists in the poem. Other than a list of pet hates and a confusing middle verse, the poem doesn't say an awful lot - about greed or anything.
The tenor is aggressive and punchy, which is fine, but given the prose, it comes across as bluster.
The opening should be strong but here it is lame - 'car dealer' is an easy, hackneyed target. 'Local state' means nothing, and 'a selfish first date' means more to you than the rest of us.
The verse "Her, Mr. And Miss 'First Time College Student" is really confusing - maybe you're trying to throw too many concepts in there. I like 'blismal ditch' at the end.
'Smoking is bad for you' is followed by the stunning information that Hitler and Bin Laden died many years apart - this is insulting your audience, a waste of poetry space and makes you sound preachy.
The ending is loaded with artless bluster that says nothing. The typo on the second last line (and other punctuation ommissions} shows a lack of care and attention. If you can't be bothered to edit your work, why should anyone else be bothered to read it?
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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hi doc, my first review!
The title clues in the poem - the capitalisation and exclamation marks betray a desperation to make an impact where none exists in the poem. Other than a list of pet hates and a confusing middle verse, the poem doesn't say an awful lot - about greed or anything.
The tenor is aggressive and punchy, which is fine, but given the prose, it comes across as bluster.
The opening should be strong but here it is lame - 'car dealer' is an easy, hackneyed target. 'Local state' means nothing, and 'a selfish first date' means more to you than the rest of us.
The verse "Her, Mr. And Miss 'First Time College Student" is really confusing - maybe you're trying to throw too many concepts in there. I like 'blismal ditch' at the end.
'Smoking is bad for you' is followed by the stunning information that Hitler and Bin Laden died many years apart - this is insulting your audience, a waste of poetry space and makes you sound preachy.
The ending is loaded with artless bluster that says nothing. The typo on the second last line (and other punctuation ommissions} shows a lack of care and attention. If you can't be bothered to edit your work, why should anyone else be bothered to read it?
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Bull Shit "Sub-Humanoid!
24
