A Treasured Gift
a shepherd boy and his drum in Bethlehem9 total reviews
Comment from beencounter
This was a beautiful Christmas story, although I wondered about the missing angels singing to the shepherds in the fields (Luke 2:8). Consideration might be given to changing the word, "accessed" to "assessed" in the sentence beginning "As Isaac talked.." Combining the shepherd boy and the little drummer boy was genius.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2013
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This was a beautiful Christmas story, although I wondered about the missing angels singing to the shepherds in the fields (Luke 2:8). Consideration might be given to changing the word, "accessed" to "assessed" in the sentence beginning "As Isaac talked.." Combining the shepherd boy and the little drummer boy was genius.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2013
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Beencounter, I'm sure I got a lot of things out of order... those angels probably sang to other shepherds, not Issac and Simeon. LOL... Glad that you liked it in any case.
Comment from barkingdog
I liked the way you brought the drummer and shepherd boy stories together in Simeon.
Your dialogue is very good and flows well, but you don't need to use italic. Italic is used to indicate thought.
Also, only use three dots for an ellipses...
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2013
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I liked the way you brought the drummer and shepherd boy stories together in Simeon.
Your dialogue is very good and flows well, but you don't need to use italic. Italic is used to indicate thought.
Also, only use three dots for an ellipses...
Comment Written 26-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2013
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Barkingdog, thank you for your comments and review. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from queenv
Beautiful story with such a beautiful message. The characters are well developed. I like how you use vivid imagery to make the reading enjoyable. The picture accurately depicts the theme of the story.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2013
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Beautiful story with such a beautiful message. The characters are well developed. I like how you use vivid imagery to make the reading enjoyable. The picture accurately depicts the theme of the story.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2013
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Queenv, thank you so much. I'm glad you liked my story, as it was fun to write. Your comments and review are greatly appreciated.
Comment from Mastery
Excellent writing, Jerri. I like the way you wove the story of the little drummer boy into this story. You constructed it very well indeed.
Suggestion: "Isaac and all mankind since that da , have been" (I think you left the "Y" off of the word "day" here.
Merry Christmas, Jerri. Bob
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Excellent writing, Jerri. I like the way you wove the story of the little drummer boy into this story. You constructed it very well indeed.
Suggestion: "Isaac and all mankind since that da , have been" (I think you left the "Y" off of the word "day" here.
Merry Christmas, Jerri. Bob
Comment Written 11-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Bob, for your comments. And, yes, I did, so I'll fix the typo. Merry Christmas to you as well. JErri
Comment from emjaihammond
This is such a wonderful way of sharing the age old story of the shepherds and the little drummer boy. I love the way the story comes together so seamlessly. It isn't so easy to pull it together without any parts that don't quite fit, but this was well done.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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This is such a wonderful way of sharing the age old story of the shepherds and the little drummer boy. I love the way the story comes together so seamlessly. It isn't so easy to pull it together without any parts that don't quite fit, but this was well done.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for your comments and review. It is greatly appreciated. I had fun writing it and trying to make the pieces all fit together in a cohesive way.
Comment from country ranch writer
it is not the price of a gift or how many riches you have to endow upon some one it is the loving and thoughtfulness of one giving that is the real treasure. It comes from the heart.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
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it is not the price of a gift or how many riches you have to endow upon some one it is the loving and thoughtfulness of one giving that is the real treasure. It comes from the heart.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
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Country ranch writer, thank you for your comments and review. It is greatly appreciated.
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you are quiet welcome
Comment from B. Diehl
Ah, something Biblical for once, instead of Santa's cookie-eating and flying reindeer. Great work! And good luck in the contest. But if you don't win, don't let it discourage you. You're a great writer. Trust me.
-B<3
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
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Ah, something Biblical for once, instead of Santa's cookie-eating and flying reindeer. Great work! And good luck in the contest. But if you don't win, don't let it discourage you. You're a great writer. Trust me.
-B<3
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
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B.... thank you for your comments and review. I have confidence in my skill and greatly appreciate your endorsement of them as well.
Comment from maggieadams
You set the scene so beautifully. Your use of familiar symbols of the Christ Child like the bright star and the little drummer boy are endearing. A nice hopeful story.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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You set the scene so beautifully. Your use of familiar symbols of the Christ Child like the bright star and the little drummer boy are endearing. A nice hopeful story.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Maggieadams, thank you so much for your comments and review. I am happy that you enjoyed the fiction based on the facts of our Savior's birth time.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I thought this a lovely Christmas story. You have taken the words to an favorite carol and brought them to life in this narrative. I think a bit more could have been done in terms of expressing the jubilation of the messiah's arrival, but all in all it is a lovely piece. Thank you for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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I thought this a lovely Christmas story. You have taken the words to an favorite carol and brought them to life in this narrative. I think a bit more could have been done in terms of expressing the jubilation of the messiah's arrival, but all in all it is a lovely piece. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you for your comments and review. It is greatly appreciated.
