Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Selfish Spear Maker."Aboriginal myths and legends.
10 total reviews
Comment from aryr
This was a good chapter which taught a great lesson to the Jacarei people by the spirit teacher. It is indeed a thoughtful process to give a gift because then ones heart is filled with the joy of doing so rather than anger and the wish to harm others. Such wisdom. Ironically the Jacarei were a nation of fishermen as were the people of my tribe and as was Christ. Mmmm, perhaps the white man did not learn his lessons after all. Well done, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
  |
This was a good chapter which taught a great lesson to the Jacarei people by the spirit teacher. It is indeed a thoughtful process to give a gift because then ones heart is filled with the joy of doing so rather than anger and the wish to harm others. Such wisdom. Ironically the Jacarei were a nation of fishermen as were the people of my tribe and as was Christ. Mmmm, perhaps the white man did not learn his lessons after all. Well done, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
-
Hello Sister, That is what we call each other in tribal talk. Glad you enjoyed. I wrote these for young people. Cheers XXX
-
Then blessings sister. I am sure even oldies like me found them interesting.
-
Are you older than me? I'm 73 next month!
-
No but I am close to you lol, I am 70.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
I love these tribal stories - more so because the ones you tell are new to me - never heard them before. This is quite an interesting one and sends a good message to others about the return joy of giving!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2013
 |
I love these tribal stories - more so because the ones you tell are new to me - never heard them before. This is quite an interesting one and sends a good message to others about the return joy of giving!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2013
-
Hello Elly, Thanks so much for reading; appreciate the six star rating. Bless you, Kay.
-
These wonderful stories are all six-star - They are so new to me - I love reading them.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Kay. What a wonderful message in this story. I'm really enjoying your spiritual-based story/teachings. And it's great to see you doing so well in the BOM contest. We have a nice mix of stories this month, I think.
Warmest regards, Bev
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
|
Hi, Kay. What a wonderful message in this story. I'm really enjoying your spiritual-based story/teachings. And it's great to see you doing so well in the BOM contest. We have a nice mix of stories this month, I think.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment Written 29-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
-
Hello Bev, Thanks for reading; glad you enjoyed the story. I am chuffed to be chosen for book of the month - this is my first try! Blessings, Kay.
-
It's a great feeling for sure. You've earned it! 'Welcome, my friend. :0) Bev
Comment from Alan K Pease
Your stories are wonderful and reveal the strength of your aboriginal peoples who follow the spirit of unselfishness in dealing with each other. These stories are found in a variety of cultures aboriginal or not so they must be from men who saw God and wanted to pass their thought on in verbal prose - then writers like you. Thanks Aussie.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
Your stories are wonderful and reveal the strength of your aboriginal peoples who follow the spirit of unselfishness in dealing with each other. These stories are found in a variety of cultures aboriginal or not so they must be from men who saw God and wanted to pass their thought on in verbal prose - then writers like you. Thanks Aussie.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Hello Alan, Thanks so much for reading and I am pleased you enjoyed. The tribal rules are strict - even today. Not as strict as the 1800's when a member was speared to death. We are keepers of the land and its animals - we think of Mother Earth as our sacred Mother. Blessings my friend, Kay XXX
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Kay
Another great story from the Dreamtime. Your write with great clarity and wonderful imagery.
Your first paragraph sets a lovely tranquil scene of tribal interaction and a time of peace. Instantly the reader knows what is going on and is intrigued by the tale to come. You draw the reader in and hold attention right through to the end.
Your characters come alive and the reader feels welcomed into the baanya almost as an invited guest.
"The Jacarei tribe were a peaceful people always helping other tribes that needed food or weapons." - this line brings one note of confusion for me as I read the end of your story. It seems to me the tribe is happy and generous already, so why is the spirit guide there to teach them what they already do?
I was wondering if the spirit guide may have come to repay their generosity, by giving to them and taking nothing in return. None-the-less a delightful story.
Your description of the stranger is outstanding .... the image stands clearly in my head. A fabulous image to present with your work. The non-Aussies must find your charming and informative stories most interesting. Also your fellow Australians, well at least this one, loves to hear these tales.
Are you making them up or taking them from old ancestral verbal tales? You capture the essence of the Dreamtime in your stories and make them very real. Great story-telling style.
One nit:
"He selected two spears, a basket and a boomerang (throwing stick.)" - For himself, he selected two spears ....."
Great work. I would give you a six for this ... will have to be a virtual one this time. I feel so frustrated as this should be on the first page, to perhaps get a greater following.
Hugs - hope all is well with you - love Lovi xoxoxo
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
Hi Kay
Another great story from the Dreamtime. Your write with great clarity and wonderful imagery.
Your first paragraph sets a lovely tranquil scene of tribal interaction and a time of peace. Instantly the reader knows what is going on and is intrigued by the tale to come. You draw the reader in and hold attention right through to the end.
Your characters come alive and the reader feels welcomed into the baanya almost as an invited guest.
"The Jacarei tribe were a peaceful people always helping other tribes that needed food or weapons." - this line brings one note of confusion for me as I read the end of your story. It seems to me the tribe is happy and generous already, so why is the spirit guide there to teach them what they already do?
I was wondering if the spirit guide may have come to repay their generosity, by giving to them and taking nothing in return. None-the-less a delightful story.
Your description of the stranger is outstanding .... the image stands clearly in my head. A fabulous image to present with your work. The non-Aussies must find your charming and informative stories most interesting. Also your fellow Australians, well at least this one, loves to hear these tales.
Are you making them up or taking them from old ancestral verbal tales? You capture the essence of the Dreamtime in your stories and make them very real. Great story-telling style.
One nit:
"He selected two spears, a basket and a boomerang (throwing stick.)" - For himself, he selected two spears ....."
Great work. I would give you a six for this ... will have to be a virtual one this time. I feel so frustrated as this should be on the first page, to perhaps get a greater following.
Hugs - hope all is well with you - love Lovi xoxoxo
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Hello Lovi, Thanks so much for your in-depth review; the stories are handed down and I have written my version. I understand your question about why the spirit guide came to teach an already peaceful tribe how to give. I may change this now that you have brought it to my attention. Thanks a bunch my friend. Bless you, Kay.
-
Hi Kay
A great story my friend. Your writing style is excellent.
I love the Aboriginal Dream Time stories ... you are writing them well. Perhaps you might only need to make the tribe suspicious of strangers and not on good terms with a neighbouring tribe.... yadda yadda ... you know. :)))
I'm in the mood for another story ... will try to get back asap.
TAke care Huge hugs - Love Lovi xoxoxoxo
-
I loved your 'chocolate block?' Clever you are. I did change the opening, the tribe was selfish. I was neck and neck to winning Book of the Month - you know who wins everything - I neither have the money or support to beat a top writer. I won't get the extra votes - don't care much, I was chuffed to be chosen. Thanks darling girl. Love, Kay XXX
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Another beautiful story, Kay, you must put them into a book for others to read every where. Your legends are what children and adults feed on and learn from. It is true, to give someone a gift does make you feel wonderful inside. To see pleasure on someone's face is worth millions. A pleasure again for me to read. :) xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
Another beautiful story, Kay, you must put them into a book for others to read every where. Your legends are what children and adults feed on and learn from. It is true, to give someone a gift does make you feel wonderful inside. To see pleasure on someone's face is worth millions. A pleasure again for me to read. :) xsx Sandra
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Hello Mrs Chippy, Thanks so much for reading - glad you enjoyed. These are all lessons for all people. Hope you are feeling better? Love, Kay.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
CONSIDER: How could he be tired if,
"he moved like greased lightning, diving into the river, swimming easily to the shore...
"I have come a long way and I am so tired. I just need a place to rest
"A gift for you(.) May I share your camp for a while?"
"The women sang tribal songs ...
"Of course, please come and share our fire; our women will bring you food."
"Of course he was a spirit teacher sent to teach the tribe how to be happy through making and giving gifts to others.
Contradictory: The above illustrates that the tribe was happy already. And they were willing to share their fire and food.(are these not gifts?)
A bit confused.
Regards:
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
CONSIDER: How could he be tired if,
"he moved like greased lightning, diving into the river, swimming easily to the shore...
"I have come a long way and I am so tired. I just need a place to rest
"A gift for you(.) May I share your camp for a while?"
"The women sang tribal songs ...
"Of course, please come and share our fire; our women will bring you food."
"Of course he was a spirit teacher sent to teach the tribe how to be happy through making and giving gifts to others.
Contradictory: The above illustrates that the tribe was happy already. And they were willing to share their fire and food.(are these not gifts?)
A bit confused.
Regards:
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
OK Stephen, I was tired myself when I wrote some of this; will change it so you are not confused! Thanks for reading my learned friend. Cheers, Kay.
-
Dear Aussie: We writers tire easily. Just posted 3 more on America.
XX Steve C
-
My age and disabilities don't help me at all! Still, my brain works :-)LOL.
-
Dear Aussie: Join the club. I have dysleksia and type with one finger. Lots of fun.
XX Steve C
-
I think we disabled have a lot in common - not our disabilities - our love of the written word and writing allows us to be whole. When we lose a part of ourselves (physically) our talents increase in other areas. I would go nuts without writing and painting.
Comment from maggieadams
Very well told moral tale. Loved the descriptions that are so unfamiliar to American culture. Description of the spirit teacher: His ebony skin shone like polished obsidian...is beautifully crafted. Nice job.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
Very well told moral tale. Loved the descriptions that are so unfamiliar to American culture. Description of the spirit teacher: His ebony skin shone like polished obsidian...is beautifully crafted. Nice job.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Thank you so much for reading and glad you enjoyed a peek at our culture. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage well in your opening - you draw me right into this society.
older brother Cangai, had plaited - drop the comma
Laughing and splashing the other children of the tribe, the hole - misplaced modifier - it is not the hole that is laughing and splashing
You introduce your main characters effectively
I really like the description of the stranger and the way you pique my interest in who he is
As the tribe sat watching the stranger, - add comma
the stranger, who was now sitting - add comma
I need a place to rest, and it has been - add comma
he had refused their offer of food? - no need for a question mark
with the other tribal members, and they decided - add comma
The days turned into weeks, - add comma
The children asked him why he made so many spears? - no question mark
and painted the spears with ochre - and paint
So you see, I make those gifts - add comma
What a wonderfully thoughtful story about this spirit teacher and the lesson of generosity he came to teach :-)
Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
You set the stage well in your opening - you draw me right into this society.
older brother Cangai, had plaited - drop the comma
Laughing and splashing the other children of the tribe, the hole - misplaced modifier - it is not the hole that is laughing and splashing
You introduce your main characters effectively
I really like the description of the stranger and the way you pique my interest in who he is
As the tribe sat watching the stranger, - add comma
the stranger, who was now sitting - add comma
I need a place to rest, and it has been - add comma
he had refused their offer of food? - no need for a question mark
with the other tribal members, and they decided - add comma
The days turned into weeks, - add comma
The children asked him why he made so many spears? - no question mark
and painted the spears with ochre - and paint
So you see, I make those gifts - add comma
What a wonderfully thoughtful story about this spirit teacher and the lesson of generosity he came to teach :-)
Brooke
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Bless you, my little ray of sunshine. I have never heard of a misplaced modifier - does he help Santa? Only joking - I am learning a lot from your editing and do so appreciate your time. :-) love, Kay.
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Kay,
I enjoyed this story, as I have enjoyed all of these.
Question: Is the Hawkesbury River near Sydney? It seems to me that was the name of the river we traveled over by train, to get from Cooranbong (where we stayed in 2000) to the Sydney Olympics. We could see the oyster beds from the train. Or do I have the wrong river?
"Ah,(") the old man shook his head, (")he is a warrior from another tribe. Did he speak to you?(")
As the tribe sat quietly watching the stranger;(,)
This has me confused: Did he SELECT the spears, etc., or MAKE them from the sticks and reeds?
Every day the stranger made trips to the forest and came back with bundles of long sticks and reeds from the river. He selected two spears, a basket and a boomerang (throwing stick.)
They were curious when they saw him carve beautiful animals on to the boomerangs and painted (paint) the spears with ochre and white ash from the fire - he then hardened the tip (tips) of the spears with sap from the trees and hot embers from the fire.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
Hi Kay,
I enjoyed this story, as I have enjoyed all of these.
Question: Is the Hawkesbury River near Sydney? It seems to me that was the name of the river we traveled over by train, to get from Cooranbong (where we stayed in 2000) to the Sydney Olympics. We could see the oyster beds from the train. Or do I have the wrong river?
"Ah,(") the old man shook his head, (")he is a warrior from another tribe. Did he speak to you?(")
As the tribe sat quietly watching the stranger;(,)
This has me confused: Did he SELECT the spears, etc., or MAKE them from the sticks and reeds?
Every day the stranger made trips to the forest and came back with bundles of long sticks and reeds from the river. He selected two spears, a basket and a boomerang (throwing stick.)
They were curious when they saw him carve beautiful animals on to the boomerangs and painted (paint) the spears with ochre and white ash from the fire - he then hardened the tip (tips) of the spears with sap from the trees and hot embers from the fire.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Yes, the mighty Hawkesbury River is near to the north shore of Sydney - you would have seen the oyster beds. Every day he went into the forest in search of wood to make the spears. I will edit this story. Thank you so much for reading and editing my friend. Love, Kay.
