Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, kiwistevh, you did an excellent job writing this abab poem about the man who found salvation with his last breath and was welcomed to Heaven, i wish you the best of luck in the contest

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from amahra

Excellent

Love the art image that looks a lot like a painting. Loved the poem for its rhyming and the great flow because of the awesome rhythm.

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Thanks, Amahra

Steve

Comment from SaluteDobby

Excellent

Nicely done, Steve. Story in a perfect Abab rhyme. You specialise in the art of telling a story in a poem! Loved the descriptive verses. Grim and spooky..
All the best with the contest!
Regards
Namratha

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Thanks, Namratha

grim and spooky it seems to be in my writing lately - I am sure the pendulum will swing back soon.

Steve

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

Filled us all with shades of fear. (I think you want filling to go along with the tense of that stanza)

The other suggestion is to reword this:

Silent snow fell like a pall.Pall is generally associated with funerals and just doesn't seem quite right there.

A sad story to be sure. Good luck in the contest~Debbie

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Thanks, Debbie.

Actually the atmosphere of death and funerals is exactly what I wanted to suggest....

Steve

Comment from Mike Momba

Exceptional

Awesome work of poetry here. The quartrains and he rhyming have no dought sapped great intellectual power. I liked the ability to tell the story with clarity and captivating choice of words and phrases

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Mike, thanks a lot for your kind words and six star rating.

Steve

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Oh, man, kiwisteveh...this poem of redemption, guilt and shame was so well written, so vividly descriptive in it's powerful poetic narrative, I had to stop and take a deep breath to repress the shudders that had involuntarily made their way down my spine.

I can't say enough about the overall message of this piece, it speaks for itself just fine on that account. My biggest praise comes from the masterful way in which you wove a tale of heroism, terror and sweet deliverance from guilt in one single serving. It was like eating a darkly delicious six course meal, all in one giant gulp.

Kudos to you, my friend. This one's goin viral!

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 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Thanks, Dean. I appreciated this as it was one of the first reviews and your response let me know I was on the right track.

You are one of a number of reviewers to mention goose-bumps or shivers, so I guess the spookiness is working.

Thanks again for the high praise - let's see what the committee thinks.

Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 11-Nov-2013

It really worked for me!

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

This is a very interesting poem. The rhyming scheme enhances the piece. The tone is appropriate to the theme. The word choice is strong.
Barbara

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013

Thanks, Barbara.

Steve