What a love?
Painting the real picture of true love, showing it to be for good and bad days, sweet and soar, rich and poor, better for worst. No matter the conditions maintain your promises.3 total reviews
Comment from Lylise
This isn't bad for a first contest entry. You must follow the rules or you will be disqualified and not included in the voting booth. You need 5 syllables in the first line, then seven, then 5 more for the last line. Your last line has 6 syllables.
Your message is good. Let me know if you want to learn how to beef up your presentation but only if you want to. Sometimes a clean, unadorned post causes the reader to actually read your poem rather than focus on the artwork.
All in all well done. Lynda
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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This isn't bad for a first contest entry. You must follow the rules or you will be disqualified and not included in the voting booth. You need 5 syllables in the first line, then seven, then 5 more for the last line. Your last line has 6 syllables.
Your message is good. Let me know if you want to learn how to beef up your presentation but only if you want to. Sometimes a clean, unadorned post causes the reader to actually read your poem rather than focus on the artwork.
All in all well done. Lynda
Comment Written 06-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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Ok dear, thank you very much. I will like to do more work here if i will get to understand the site better
Comment from Smoothiecool
Your 5-7-5 has the three line count, your first line has six syllables which you can correct by delete "warmth" to "warm". second is correct same with third. the last may need some change as at sunset, the sun sinks. So maybe " Also at sun rise" still gives you the 5 syllable count. Yes this is how love should always be take the good with the bad but some do not always see that love is unconditioal
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Your 5-7-5 has the three line count, your first line has six syllables which you can correct by delete "warmth" to "warm". second is correct same with third. the last may need some change as at sunset, the sun sinks. So maybe " Also at sun rise" still gives you the 5 syllable count. Yes this is how love should always be take the good with the bad but some do not always see that love is unconditioal
Comment Written 04-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Ok. I will make the possible correction.
Comment from queenv
The poem makes the reader thinks of love as a continual flow from the early morn to the night, love should flow just like anything in nature. I really like the when sun set rise, it like a paradox sun set rise. Great use of words. I could visualize love streaming like rays, like rain.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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The poem makes the reader thinks of love as a continual flow from the early morn to the night, love should flow just like anything in nature. I really like the when sun set rise, it like a paradox sun set rise. Great use of words. I could visualize love streaming like rays, like rain.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you for your time used to appriciate this piece of work.
