The Bounty Hunter
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Bounty Hunter Part 3 - Origins"Supernatural Bounty Hunter
16 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
now I'm a little lost with the first part of this chapter, but I guess it will be explained later on. so much mystery here, forcing the readers to think and follow. very good job!
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now I'm a little lost with the first part of this chapter, but I guess it will be explained later on. so much mystery here, forcing the readers to think and follow. very good job!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
Comment from judiverse
Samuel seems to be endowed with supernatural powers. You portray him as a slave, but wins praise because of his strength. Excellent dialogue. I think you might make a more clear-cut transition to the dead Samuel being revived on the table in the crime lab by the woman with the mysterious silver Colt that brings Samuel back to life. Great way to end with the technician discovering that the body has disappeared from the lab. judi
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Samuel seems to be endowed with supernatural powers. You portray him as a slave, but wins praise because of his strength. Excellent dialogue. I think you might make a more clear-cut transition to the dead Samuel being revived on the table in the crime lab by the woman with the mysterious silver Colt that brings Samuel back to life. Great way to end with the technician discovering that the body has disappeared from the lab. judi
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
Comment from Twilightspire
Very gruesome, but wonderfully penned. You did a fantastic job conveying all of the various character's feelings by subtle context, I love it! This story is the fuel of imagination, I am enamored with your quick and easy style and wicked way if quick characterization. You make it a read we don't have to fight with to enjoy. For that, I thank you!
-T.J.
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Very gruesome, but wonderfully penned. You did a fantastic job conveying all of the various character's feelings by subtle context, I love it! This story is the fuel of imagination, I am enamored with your quick and easy style and wicked way if quick characterization. You make it a read we don't have to fight with to enjoy. For that, I thank you!
-T.J.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
Comment from pbroussard209
This is an awesome Series, I love it. This back story was very vivid and dark, great job. You are doing a wonderful job with it. You have to watch those Characters as they have a mind of their own. lol. They will tell you when the story is over and you don't have any choice in the matter.
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This is an awesome Series, I love it. This back story was very vivid and dark, great job. You are doing a wonderful job with it. You have to watch those Characters as they have a mind of their own. lol. They will tell you when the story is over and you don't have any choice in the matter.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello, Lance,
I was pleased to be able to read the next chapter. You have an interesting tale going here, my friend. I am quite intrigued! Will be watching for the next one.
Have a great week, :)
Sonali
Spags:
to old women's (not womens') talk.
Stallions.... I think you need a lower case s here.
from the shadows and into the Moonlight ... I think you need a lowercase m
the sounds of battle(,) the hungry hounds and their pale(-) skinned masters
"Drop the knife, Boy." (lower case b)
He's half bloodhound(,) (h)alf grizzly bear and all mine."
The instant flash of (flash of what?) from the rifle's
barrel
and the ringing in (not of) his ears
How's we supposed to get him back now(?)"
whenever he was near deaths door... death's door is not quite the expression you need here .. suggest:... whenever he was confronted with/faced with death
A different(,) life changing event
carrying a strangely vibrating shoebox(,) entered the Lake
and thanks to a vibrating shoebox; she ... suggest: .. and thanks to the shoebox(,)
she easily found whom she was searching for ... suggest: ... what she was searching for
Entering the lab, where a certain John Doe was lying on an examining table waiting for his turn to be dissected ... suggest: ... As she entered the lab (no comma) where a certain John Doe ....
a middle aged (l)ab technician
, while blocking the woman's path ... suggest: ... blocking the woman's path (drop while)
shook his head(.) (H)e was not quite sure
Thirty minutes later(,) a happy lab technician (re-)entered the room
and he had received a month(')s suspension, he was greeted by (not with) an empty clothes locker, a missing lunch box
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Hello, Lance,
I was pleased to be able to read the next chapter. You have an interesting tale going here, my friend. I am quite intrigued! Will be watching for the next one.
Have a great week, :)
Sonali
Spags:
to old women's (not womens') talk.
Stallions.... I think you need a lower case s here.
from the shadows and into the Moonlight ... I think you need a lowercase m
the sounds of battle(,) the hungry hounds and their pale(-) skinned masters
"Drop the knife, Boy." (lower case b)
He's half bloodhound(,) (h)alf grizzly bear and all mine."
The instant flash of (flash of what?) from the rifle's
barrel
and the ringing in (not of) his ears
How's we supposed to get him back now(?)"
whenever he was near deaths door... death's door is not quite the expression you need here .. suggest:... whenever he was confronted with/faced with death
A different(,) life changing event
carrying a strangely vibrating shoebox(,) entered the Lake
and thanks to a vibrating shoebox; she ... suggest: .. and thanks to the shoebox(,)
she easily found whom she was searching for ... suggest: ... what she was searching for
Entering the lab, where a certain John Doe was lying on an examining table waiting for his turn to be dissected ... suggest: ... As she entered the lab (no comma) where a certain John Doe ....
a middle aged (l)ab technician
, while blocking the woman's path ... suggest: ... blocking the woman's path (drop while)
shook his head(.) (H)e was not quite sure
Thirty minutes later(,) a happy lab technician (re-)entered the room
and he had received a month(')s suspension, he was greeted by (not with) an empty clothes locker, a missing lunch box
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider:
"When water screwed with a dog's sense of smell,it....
An interesting story that defies logic in that hunting dogs ever ate humans as you suggested but in the realm if fantasy anything is possible.
Regards:
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Consider:
"When water screwed with a dog's sense of smell,it....
An interesting story that defies logic in that hunting dogs ever ate humans as you suggested but in the realm if fantasy anything is possible.
Regards:
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
Comment from c_lucas
When you want to mess with a reader's mind, you do a superior job. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a unique read.
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When you want to mess with a reader's mind, you do a superior job. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a unique read.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent continuation, lancellot. So, the angel brought the bounty hunter back because of his unselfish actions and heroic sacrifice, is that about right? Great way to keep him "up and running". You leave a great many questions unanswered here, such as what happened to that lunchbox and those keys, but I understand it's an intentional "hook" to get readers vested in the story, keep them coming back for more. Well, I, for one, am looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully, some of those questions will be answered then...
Great writing, keep it up!
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Excellent continuation, lancellot. So, the angel brought the bounty hunter back because of his unselfish actions and heroic sacrifice, is that about right? Great way to keep him "up and running". You leave a great many questions unanswered here, such as what happened to that lunchbox and those keys, but I understand it's an intentional "hook" to get readers vested in the story, keep them coming back for more. Well, I, for one, am looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully, some of those questions will be answered then...
Great writing, keep it up!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent continuation, lancellot. So, the angel brought the bounty hunter back because of his unselfish actions and heroic sacrifice, is that about right? Great way to keep him "up and running". You leave a great many questions unanswered here, such as what happened to that lunchbox and those keys, but I understand it's an intentional "hook" to get readers vested in the story, keep them coming back for more. Well, I, for one, am looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully, some of those questions will be answered then...
Great writing, keep it up!
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Excellent continuation, lancellot. So, the angel brought the bounty hunter back because of his unselfish actions and heroic sacrifice, is that about right? Great way to keep him "up and running". You leave a great many questions unanswered here, such as what happened to that lunchbox and those keys, but I understand it's an intentional "hook" to get readers vested in the story, keep them coming back for more. Well, I, for one, am looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully, some of those questions will be answered then...
Great writing, keep it up!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
Comment from pickthorn
Great suspense. How is the first story about the runaway slave linked to the Bounty Hunter, 200 yrs later? I assume Samuel is the re-incarnation of the slave. A lot of unanswered questions. Great story
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
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Great suspense. How is the first story about the runaway slave linked to the Bounty Hunter, 200 yrs later? I assume Samuel is the re-incarnation of the slave. A lot of unanswered questions. Great story
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
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There were two slaves. Samuel was the 2nd slave. The Hunter.
