Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Wishes come True."Aboriginal myths and legends.
26 total reviews
Comment from pensee
What a gem of a story and a wonderful endeavor to bring these legends to the page. I love imagining the golden tree. Consider adding a few more adjectives to expand the image. For example, ...his (almond, wide, glassy) eyes were focused on the most beautiful Mingga...
Grammar
...(forests.). The period should go after parenthesis.
...the surrounding forest(.)
Careful with the em dash (usually depicted with two dashes next to each other -- or a longer dash that may be available in the text editor. It's usually used to denote a somewhat abrupt break in sentence. In this piece, it seems that a period or comma may be appropriate in some cases. For example, in the sentence "He wobbled on his makeshift crutch and found so much peace flowed from the guardian he was no longer afraid of her(,/.) (h/H)is eyes were focused on the most beautiful Mingga (-) whose leaves shone in the morning sun." In this case, breaking the sentence at the "his eyes" section lets you omit the em dash completely.
In this sentence:
"Because you wished, not for yourself, but for the fighting to stop and peace to come upon your tribe (-/,) I will grant that unselfish wish to you." the em dash should really be a comma.
I'll definitely return to read more of these. Bravo!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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What a gem of a story and a wonderful endeavor to bring these legends to the page. I love imagining the golden tree. Consider adding a few more adjectives to expand the image. For example, ...his (almond, wide, glassy) eyes were focused on the most beautiful Mingga...
Grammar
...(forests.). The period should go after parenthesis.
...the surrounding forest(.)
Careful with the em dash (usually depicted with two dashes next to each other -- or a longer dash that may be available in the text editor. It's usually used to denote a somewhat abrupt break in sentence. In this piece, it seems that a period or comma may be appropriate in some cases. For example, in the sentence "He wobbled on his makeshift crutch and found so much peace flowed from the guardian he was no longer afraid of her(,/.) (h/H)is eyes were focused on the most beautiful Mingga (-) whose leaves shone in the morning sun." In this case, breaking the sentence at the "his eyes" section lets you omit the em dash completely.
In this sentence:
"Because you wished, not for yourself, but for the fighting to stop and peace to come upon your tribe (-/,) I will grant that unselfish wish to you." the em dash should really be a comma.
I'll definitely return to read more of these. Bravo!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Pensee, Your review is the most in depth I have ever received! One top writer edited this and I followed her instructions LOL. I am grateful for your edits and I have 28 more stories to go! Thanks so much, Kay. Also, Australian English and grammar isn't the same as American (if you are American.)
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Aussie ....
I enjoyed this well-written legend about the crippled boy and the Mingga - or "Golden Tree." In your Notes at the end, you have used very wise words ... that the body (did you mean the crippled body?) is simply a lesson to teach able bodies and a suitcase for the perfect soul.
Thank you for sharing this little story with us.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Hullo Aussie ....
I enjoyed this well-written legend about the crippled boy and the Mingga - or "Golden Tree." In your Notes at the end, you have used very wise words ... that the body (did you mean the crippled body?) is simply a lesson to teach able bodies and a suitcase for the perfect soul.
Thank you for sharing this little story with us.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Hello my dear friend, Yes, I did mean the crippled boy - the more damaged the body, the more spiritual the soul. Blessed be - Love, Kay.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Such a heart-warming story, Aussie. The young man had learned patience and respect for his elders, which I think made him worthy of the honor of discovering the Mingga's guardian. Loved this!
Warmest regards, Bev
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Such a heart-warming story, Aussie. The young man had learned patience and respect for his elders, which I think made him worthy of the honor of discovering the Mingga's guardian. Loved this!
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Hello Bev, Glad you loved the lesson, thanks so much for reading my friend! Love, Kay.
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You're very welcome, Kay. XX Bev
Comment from jmdg1954
A great story , not only of legend from your country, but a lesson for all to learn... Think not only always of yourself first, but for others well being and yours will home.
Nicely done Kay... John
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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A great story , not only of legend from your country, but a lesson for all to learn... Think not only always of yourself first, but for others well being and yours will home.
Nicely done Kay... John
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Hello friend John, Glad you liked the little lesson. Only 27 more stories to go! LOL. Blessed be, Kay XX
Comment from tedanytime
This legend is instructional about accepting those who are born differently.
often ignorance results in torment or rejection or institutionalising or even killing the defective.
Appreciate your writing!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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This legend is instructional about accepting those who are born differently.
often ignorance results in torment or rejection or institutionalising or even killing the defective.
Appreciate your writing!
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Hello Ted, Yes, we are sometimes ignored or rejected; being a wheel chair person I know all about it. Blessed be, Hugs Kay. XX
Comment from Jendowoz
A beautiful setiment in this story, Aussie. Well done. The messages in the Dreamtime stories are always relevant even more so nowadays and need to be purveyed to the youngsters we teach. Love and tolerance is not as commonly seen these days.
regards, Jen
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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A beautiful setiment in this story, Aussie. Well done. The messages in the Dreamtime stories are always relevant even more so nowadays and need to be purveyed to the youngsters we teach. Love and tolerance is not as commonly seen these days.
regards, Jen
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Thank you Jen, glad you enjoyed the story. Blessings, K.
Comment from Cookie333
This one reminded me of when my children were young. We saw a woman in a wheelchair and my kids started asking questions. We walked over to the woman and I told her they had some questions that she might answer better than I could. She was wonderful, she answered all their questions about the 'chair' and how it worked, and why she needed it. She took time with them and her patience paid off. They respected her need for the chair, they understood that it was her individuality and not 'being crippled' that spoke to them that day.
Thank you for this lovely story my friend,
karen
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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This one reminded me of when my children were young. We saw a woman in a wheelchair and my kids started asking questions. We walked over to the woman and I told her they had some questions that she might answer better than I could. She was wonderful, she answered all their questions about the 'chair' and how it worked, and why she needed it. She took time with them and her patience paid off. They respected her need for the chair, they understood that it was her individuality and not 'being crippled' that spoke to them that day.
Thank you for this lovely story my friend,
karen
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Karen, Thank you for your in depth review; having lost my leg and being in a chair full time, I had the same experience with youngsters. One little girl was so enthralled that she forgot to eat her ice-cream! What we lose in physical terms is strengthened in spiritual knowledge. Love, K.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi K,
This is a beautiful story which you told so well. My heart went out to the crippled boy as children can be so cruel to someone who is different. I love the notion of a magical tree that can grant wishes. Because the boy was so unselfish she granted his wish and healed him too. Well done.....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Hi K,
This is a beautiful story which you told so well. My heart went out to the crippled boy as children can be so cruel to someone who is different. I love the notion of a magical tree that can grant wishes. Because the boy was so unselfish she granted his wish and healed him too. Well done.....blessings, chey
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Mrs Wyoming, Thanks so much for reading; so pleased you enjoyed the story. Love, Kay.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
AW, Kay that is such a lovely story, it made me have goose bumps. I love your stories, this one especially. Hope you have lots more of them. :) Sandra. xsx
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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AW, Kay that is such a lovely story, it made me have goose bumps. I love your stories, this one especially. Hope you have lots more of them. :) Sandra. xsx
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Only twenty seven to go! Thanks so much my cuddly bear; glad you enjoyed - reviews are very positive which makes me smile. Love, Kay.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
This is a legend story in your country? Beautiful for sure. In some ways it reminds of the story of Solomon where he asked for wisdom to rule his people, instead of riches and God granted him both. Very delightful and enjoyable story. God loves you and so do we.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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This is a legend story in your country? Beautiful for sure. In some ways it reminds of the story of Solomon where he asked for wisdom to rule his people, instead of riches and God granted him both. Very delightful and enjoyable story. God loves you and so do we.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Hello Evelyn, My grandmother was aboriginal. Our people have legends handed down through the tribes; one time there was 10,000 dialects, that gives you an idea of how many FIRST AUSTRALIANS owned the land before the British raped and pillaged my people. Love, Kay XX
