Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Wishes come True."Aboriginal myths and legends.
26 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I think we've all at some point felt isolated. I love how your stories shares that while finding inner strength and compassion. It's beautifully written. Your imagery is powerful. I could picture the flowers and trees. You have done a wonderful job in creating a unique tale.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
  |
I think we've all at some point felt isolated. I love how your stories shares that while finding inner strength and compassion. It's beautifully written. Your imagery is powerful. I could picture the flowers and trees. You have done a wonderful job in creating a unique tale.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
-
Michael, Glad you enjoyed it. I wrote 19 chapters a long time ago and the response to our culture was amazing. So, I picked one to promote again. Bless you, Kay.
Comment from Barry Penfold
Lovely story. Simplistic but well told and showing that if one is not selfish good things can come to them. I trust you have a good day and that you gain all that is good for you.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
|
Lovely story. Simplistic but well told and showing that if one is not selfish good things can come to them. I trust you have a good day and that you gain all that is good for you.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
-
Hello Barry, Many thanks for reading. Glad you liked it. I have written 19 chapters and got a marvelous response when Americans were entranced with our culture. Blessings, K xx
Comment from Ricky1024
"Wishes Come True"
Chapter in the book Entitled, "Stories of the Dreamtime" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a blessed day.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
|
"Wishes Come True"
Chapter in the book Entitled, "Stories of the Dreamtime" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a blessed day.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
-
Hello Dr Ricky, Written a long time ago. A FS friend is fascinated with our culture, thus the re post. Thank you for your in-depth review. K xx
-
Many thanks - only 18 more chapters!
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Bravo excellent work loved it! Very touching and impactful Nice to see him walking straight again and there's lessons in this Get what you give or put out good vibes get good vibes back, Karma if you will whenever needs to do anything in the negative Not even left the favor just sit back on much Karma do her work. But it begins with right action it wasn't seeing here in spades. Thank you for a wonderful raid again excellent work and good luck to you!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
|
Bravo excellent work loved it! Very touching and impactful Nice to see him walking straight again and there's lessons in this Get what you give or put out good vibes get good vibes back, Karma if you will whenever needs to do anything in the negative Not even left the favor just sit back on much Karma do her work. But it begins with right action it wasn't seeing here in spades. Thank you for a wonderful raid again excellent work and good luck to you!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
-
Hello Lea, Thought I would dig up one of my 19 chapters. Glad you enjoyed. Lessons in everything we do. Sit and cry, get up and walk. Blessings, Kay.
-
Thank you Kay I'll be happy to read them over it's very very interesting Have an awesome evening!
Comment from John Ciarmello
Well written and told masterfully! I enjoyed this story. It poseses that mystical vibe of legend which kept my interest from word one. It is nice to read you again my friend! I hope all is well with you. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2022
|
Well written and told masterfully! I enjoyed this story. It poseses that mystical vibe of legend which kept my interest from word one. It is nice to read you again my friend! I hope all is well with you. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 24-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2022
-
Bon Giorno John, Thanks for reading my friend. Glad you liked Chapter 3 - more to come. Prego! Kay xx
Comment from prettybluebirds
I have always felt blessed to have a body that works in every respect. I have a nephew who was born with Spina-Bifida, but he has never let it slow him down.Your story is well executed and I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2022
|
I have always felt blessed to have a body that works in every respect. I have a nephew who was born with Spina-Bifida, but he has never let it slow him down.Your story is well executed and I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2022
-
I love birds too. So glad you enjoyed the story with a good ending. If only I could find a healing spirit for my body that is crippled. Love, Kay xx
Comment from aryr
I did so like this story Kay, it demonstrated the desire to put others first, which is truly the way of life. The young boy could have easily asked for healing for himself but instead he asked for peace within his tribe. He put others first which in his mind was more important. He had found peace among the elders away from his tormentors. I liked the morale of this one, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
|
I did so like this story Kay, it demonstrated the desire to put others first, which is truly the way of life. The young boy could have easily asked for healing for himself but instead he asked for peace within his tribe. He put others first which in his mind was more important. He had found peace among the elders away from his tormentors. I liked the morale of this one, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
-
You are most welcome my friend.
-
Keep writing.
Comment from Alan K Pease
I have done some reading into cultures of the North American Indians. There is a similar story in their legends. You might be interested in a book by Joseph Campbell called "A Hero Has a Thousand Faces" - a book of comparative mythology.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
|
I have done some reading into cultures of the North American Indians. There is a similar story in their legends. You might be interested in a book by Joseph Campbell called "A Hero Has a Thousand Faces" - a book of comparative mythology.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
-
Thank you so much for reading; Native American culture does draw parallels with our peoples. I don't think that your Indians had a written language? Thanks for the book interest. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Kay
This is a great story and I love you are doing a series of the Dream Time legends and myths. Please don't be daunted by the length of the suggestions and spag spots. I went to the trouble because I thought your story was well worth the time and I'm hoping you are considering publishing. Also, in most cases you expressed yourself extremely well. These are nitty picks and also only my opinion ... so take what you will and disregard what you want. :)))
(forest(s) of flowers.) - *full-stop after the bracket to conclude the sentence - I'm presuming you mean forest not the plural?
(This)/The story has been ..." - more specific.
I love your opening ... already you create the surreal and a stunning image begins to form in the mind of this reader. :)) Your first paragraph has drawn me in and I look forward to more. I'm not taking any stars off for spag ... the story is too good and I'm sure you will fix what is necessary.
" ... taunted by his tribal members *(I think a full-stop would be better here than the dash) - (S)so much so, he gave up. (M) miserable(,) he sat in the dust ... campfires(,) - *(delete dash) he listened to the countless stories that the elders told(.)
//around the campfires//* delete this as you have repeated campfires in the same sentence. "They told him about the Mingga //*and that//(delete) (.) (N) no one had ..." - makes your sentence stronger.
The night brought him peace as he watched the smoke curl upwards from the fires and gazed *(delete up - you already have "upwards") up at the stars(.) Your line had him gazing at the stars and then watching the smoke curl upward.
*delete//And so// (H) he crept out of the camp and into the forest, his dingo, only friend, followed him. //Suggestion ... consider 'followed by his dingo, his only friend. I think it might be good to add some adjectives regarding the dingo to 'show' us rather than 'tell'..... eg 'golden haired', or your own words.
Suggestion *(As the sun rose, he awoke, alarmed by his surroundings)
The flowers and trees were not like those //surrounding// (near) his home, (You have used surroundings three times in close proximity - this is distracting).
"What is this place?" *//He thought to himself.// - This sentence adds nothing - I would just leave the dialogue.)
He rose to his feet helped *(aided?) by the crutch ..."
" .... yet(,) he was also frightened(.) *Suggest deleting the following - verbose// of his strange surroundings//
(S) "surely this is magic," he took tentative steps towards a beautiful sight.
A woman floated //above the ground// (she is floating so above the ground is implied). Suggest you use some form of imagery about how she is floating or something more descriptive about the 'woman' - the old 'show' rather than tell. :)))
"Her voice was like the chiming of the Bell Bird across the valleys of his home..... I love the personification of her voice - great imagery.
"I am the guardian of the Mingga. You have come a long way. Why have you come?" - seems that she might introduce herself first.
"Oh, thank you...I, I can walk straight?" He stood proudly and knelt at her feet. (I think a mention that she healed him although he did not ask for it.) (Even though it is obvious). LOL
Enjoyed the ending, one can feel the kind and unselfish spirit of the boy.
The guardian touched his beaming face and told him: "Now, run home and find your tribe at peace."
For the first time in his young life he ran and jumped for the joy of being whole.
Well done. You write so well my friend. Your story is very interesting and entertaining and you reach the heart of the un-named child. Warmest hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
|
Hi Kay
This is a great story and I love you are doing a series of the Dream Time legends and myths. Please don't be daunted by the length of the suggestions and spag spots. I went to the trouble because I thought your story was well worth the time and I'm hoping you are considering publishing. Also, in most cases you expressed yourself extremely well. These are nitty picks and also only my opinion ... so take what you will and disregard what you want. :)))
(forest(s) of flowers.) - *full-stop after the bracket to conclude the sentence - I'm presuming you mean forest not the plural?
(This)/The story has been ..." - more specific.
I love your opening ... already you create the surreal and a stunning image begins to form in the mind of this reader. :)) Your first paragraph has drawn me in and I look forward to more. I'm not taking any stars off for spag ... the story is too good and I'm sure you will fix what is necessary.
" ... taunted by his tribal members *(I think a full-stop would be better here than the dash) - (S)so much so, he gave up. (M) miserable(,) he sat in the dust ... campfires(,) - *(delete dash) he listened to the countless stories that the elders told(.)
//around the campfires//* delete this as you have repeated campfires in the same sentence. "They told him about the Mingga //*and that//(delete) (.) (N) no one had ..." - makes your sentence stronger.
The night brought him peace as he watched the smoke curl upwards from the fires and gazed *(delete up - you already have "upwards") up at the stars(.) Your line had him gazing at the stars and then watching the smoke curl upward.
*delete//And so// (H) he crept out of the camp and into the forest, his dingo, only friend, followed him. //Suggestion ... consider 'followed by his dingo, his only friend. I think it might be good to add some adjectives regarding the dingo to 'show' us rather than 'tell'..... eg 'golden haired', or your own words.
Suggestion *(As the sun rose, he awoke, alarmed by his surroundings)
The flowers and trees were not like those //surrounding// (near) his home, (You have used surroundings three times in close proximity - this is distracting).
"What is this place?" *//He thought to himself.// - This sentence adds nothing - I would just leave the dialogue.)
He rose to his feet helped *(aided?) by the crutch ..."
" .... yet(,) he was also frightened(.) *Suggest deleting the following - verbose// of his strange surroundings//
(S) "surely this is magic," he took tentative steps towards a beautiful sight.
A woman floated //above the ground// (she is floating so above the ground is implied). Suggest you use some form of imagery about how she is floating or something more descriptive about the 'woman' - the old 'show' rather than tell. :)))
"Her voice was like the chiming of the Bell Bird across the valleys of his home..... I love the personification of her voice - great imagery.
"I am the guardian of the Mingga. You have come a long way. Why have you come?" - seems that she might introduce herself first.
"Oh, thank you...I, I can walk straight?" He stood proudly and knelt at her feet. (I think a mention that she healed him although he did not ask for it.) (Even though it is obvious). LOL
Enjoyed the ending, one can feel the kind and unselfish spirit of the boy.
The guardian touched his beaming face and told him: "Now, run home and find your tribe at peace."
For the first time in his young life he ran and jumped for the joy of being whole.
Well done. You write so well my friend. Your story is very interesting and entertaining and you reach the heart of the un-named child. Warmest hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
-
Hello my dear friend, I appreciate your editing - taking the time to read it and I hope to publish one day? I do get confused with so many edits coming from different Americans; Brooke (adewpearl) read and I followed her editing - I know what you mean and I will try to do better. I never thought to get this far as I consider myself basically a poet! Bless you for the time you have taken to review - only 30 more stories to go! LOL Kay XX
Comment from Eleanor Buron
This is a favorite of the ones I have read so far. I just love the story. I like the storytelling style. One of my best childhood memories was Story Time on Saturday morning at the local library. Thanks again for the author notes.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
This is a favorite of the ones I have read so far. I just love the story. I like the storytelling style. One of my best childhood memories was Story Time on Saturday morning at the local library. Thanks again for the author notes.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Hello Elly, Glad I have taken you back to childhood! Number 4 is up for reading now. Thanks for following my writing. Love, Kay.
