The Machine Stops
When appliances break84 total reviews
Comment from vkmack
Hysterical! This is such fabulous work. Every time I read a stanza, I thought, "Oh this is my favorite." Then I read the next and thought the same thing! Your rhythm, meter, phrasing, tone, language, everything is just spot on. Not a misstep anywhere. I don't think you even left an appliance out of the equation. You managed to say what we are all thinking, and do it amazingly well.
Thanks for sharing. Just magic. Mad me laugh--hard!
Thanks again.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
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Hysterical! This is such fabulous work. Every time I read a stanza, I thought, "Oh this is my favorite." Then I read the next and thought the same thing! Your rhythm, meter, phrasing, tone, language, everything is just spot on. Not a misstep anywhere. I don't think you even left an appliance out of the equation. You managed to say what we are all thinking, and do it amazingly well.
Thanks for sharing. Just magic. Mad me laugh--hard!
Thanks again.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
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Hiya - just had a little chuckle at your rant about your name on your profile page...
Thanks for the enthusiastic review and the six stars - glad my piece of silliness made you laugh.
Steve
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I'm chuckling now. It is really funny. I was called Veesta twice just today. No time for a correction in either instance. At least they didn't say Velveeta. Bazinga!
Your piece of silliness is hysterical. If that's a contest entry, it better win. If it doesn't, the voting machines are on the fritz, too.
Wonderful, and you are welcome.
Vista Kay
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Not too much wrong with Vista - by definition you are a pleasing view!
The voting booths are a bit of a lottery sometimes and there are a couple of other possibilities in this - and sometimes even the impossibilities win!
Steve
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What a kind thing to say! My friends laugh and say at least they have their own personal vista. It's very sweet.
Yes, I've seen--and been involved in--some pretty unusual win situations here. Don't see how you can miss! Fingers crossed that the voting gods will smile on you.
Comment from Mteske
Great word choice- frizz, scattered, expires, demented, exploding, slipped etc. You have some funny comparisons and I enjoyed how you added onomatopoeia. Congratulations on the recognized and all time best!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Great word choice- frizz, scattered, expires, demented, exploding, slipped etc. You have some funny comparisons and I enjoyed how you added onomatopoeia. Congratulations on the recognized and all time best!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you and welcome to FanStory.
You will learn that Recognized and All Time best are easy enough to achieve if you can manage to promote your work enough - more important are the ratings - all 5 and 6 star hopefully, and in this case a good result in the contest.
I look forward to reading some of your work.
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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Thanks, and could you check out my "security breached"? It is on the first page right below featured. Thanks!
Comment from elchupakabra
This comedic piece reminds me of another piece I read quite recently by Cry the Vile Rebel. I just recently had my washer, dryer, fridge, coffe maker and blender give out on me, so I can certainly relate. You make great use of alliterations and your flow is smooth, great work on this piece, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This comedic piece reminds me of another piece I read quite recently by Cry the Vile Rebel. I just recently had my washer, dryer, fridge, coffe maker and blender give out on me, so I can certainly relate. You make great use of alliterations and your flow is smooth, great work on this piece, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Yes, there are a few along similar lines entered for this contest.
Thanks for your kind review.
Steve
Comment from w.j.debi
Humorous tale of everything on the fritz at the same time. The abcb rhyming scheme is delightful as you progress from one defective appliance to another. This should be a strong contender for the contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Humorous tale of everything on the fritz at the same time. The abcb rhyming scheme is delightful as you progress from one defective appliance to another. This should be a strong contender for the contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from closetpoetjester
Haha I loved the stretch of the imagination here Steve, from the fridge with the ailing temperature, to the bung toaster, to incomprehensible microwave terminology this one had the goods. Why you even slipped in a filthy minded Kindle and a buggared GPS. You reminded me why I DON'T have a Smart phone and why I leave the WhipperSnipping to the hubby...but I DO need and value that internet connection. LOVE your sense of humour and I can see why Tom put a limit on sixers to individuals. Sorry, I can't award you the goods on this one. I laughed hard, thanks for the laughs. Well written as ALWAYS.
Cheers P
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Haha I loved the stretch of the imagination here Steve, from the fridge with the ailing temperature, to the bung toaster, to incomprehensible microwave terminology this one had the goods. Why you even slipped in a filthy minded Kindle and a buggared GPS. You reminded me why I DON'T have a Smart phone and why I leave the WhipperSnipping to the hubby...but I DO need and value that internet connection. LOVE your sense of humour and I can see why Tom put a limit on sixers to individuals. Sorry, I can't award you the goods on this one. I laughed hard, thanks for the laughs. Well written as ALWAYS.
Cheers P
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you. The laugh is better than a six anyway!
The terrible thing is how much of this is true.... we had a problem with our power and the electrician was here for 4 1/2 hours, mainly waiting for the power company who fixed the problem in 10 minutes. Next day both modem/router and computer speakers gave up the ghost....
Steve
Comment from zanya
Just great and what we all need to stop and reflect on to enable us to see just how dependant we humans are becoming on machines !
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Just great and what we all need to stop and reflect on to enable us to see just how dependant we humans are becoming on machines !
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks, zanya.
What a terrible turmoil we would see if the internet stopped working or solar storms knocked out all our electronics - I feel a disaster movie coming on.
Steve
Comment from pickthorn
Very witty and hits close to home for most of us. I enjoyed reading your poem. It should do very well in the contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Very witty and hits close to home for most of us. I enjoyed reading your poem. It should do very well in the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
Talk about having a bad appliance day. Really like the wit in lines like " My Bluetooth needs a dentist". As for the kindle- you really should turn it off soon.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Talk about having a bad appliance day. Really like the wit in lines like " My Bluetooth needs a dentist". As for the kindle- you really should turn it off soon.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you - I discovered the kindle was a female so it wasn't reading anything good - Fifty Shades of Grey....
Steve
Comment from lorijean
A great poem depicting a life of technology today, nobody fixes anything anymore, just replace replace replace, really well written and a pleasure to read....
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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A great poem depicting a life of technology today, nobody fixes anything anymore, just replace replace replace, really well written and a pleasure to read....
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks, lj
Steve
Comment from denhagan
This is a nice witty poem, written in the quatrain style with good rhythm and rhyming throughout the poem, about appliances breaking down.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This is a nice witty poem, written in the quatrain style with good rhythm and rhyming throughout the poem, about appliances breaking down.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks, denis
Steve
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You're welcome Steve,
Dennis
