The Voyager
A poem describing myself143 total reviews
Comment from NicciFaye
Everyone falls short of the glory of God, but we press on! This is an excellent, sincere, outcry to God. A beautiful and honest plea. For HE knows our struggles and just waits for us to call on him. This is a amazing poem and I hope you did find your identity within God.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Everyone falls short of the glory of God, but we press on! This is an excellent, sincere, outcry to God. A beautiful and honest plea. For HE knows our struggles and just waits for us to call on him. This is a amazing poem and I hope you did find your identity within God.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Nicci. Yes, that's from Romans 3:23 isn't it?
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That it is my friend. That it is.
Comment from Pili Pubul
An excellent poem , many will relate with the struggle to find faith and inner peace. Good style , honest and real images. I think are struggles that always existed, regardless of the times. Good one ! Pili
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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An excellent poem , many will relate with the struggle to find faith and inner peace. Good style , honest and real images. I think are struggles that always existed, regardless of the times. Good one ! Pili
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Pili.
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You very welcome Justin. Pili
Comment from tfawcus
It is a difficult road with many doubts and distractions along the way. It is hard to be steadfast, especially in these troubled and largely atheistic times where the line between falsehood and reality is sometimes thinly drawn. The sojourn in the forest that you speak of is a good metaphor for solitude while wrestling for the salvation of your soul. The allusion to Pilgrim's Progress helps to emphasise that men have been struggling thus for many years.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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It is a difficult road with many doubts and distractions along the way. It is hard to be steadfast, especially in these troubled and largely atheistic times where the line between falsehood and reality is sometimes thinly drawn. The sojourn in the forest that you speak of is a good metaphor for solitude while wrestling for the salvation of your soul. The allusion to Pilgrim's Progress helps to emphasise that men have been struggling thus for many years.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you fawcus.
Comment from Norbanus
As often is the case with tales in verse,
your story shows a poet fair and clear.
For some of us, whose thoughts are muddle worse,
we find our battered muses cringe in fear.
Your stanzas flow to paint a troubled fate.
confusion and a soul you try to save.
The demon's eyes brim full; contempt and hate
Not to be damned, but with love He forgave.
With tenderness he clipped the wings inside
Now, learn to give the devil all his due
Then live a life of confidence and pride
Yes, God. We serve by holding onto you
When looking back at life here's what he found.
There is no substitute for Holy Ground.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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As often is the case with tales in verse,
your story shows a poet fair and clear.
For some of us, whose thoughts are muddle worse,
we find our battered muses cringe in fear.
Your stanzas flow to paint a troubled fate.
confusion and a soul you try to save.
The demon's eyes brim full; contempt and hate
Not to be damned, but with love He forgave.
With tenderness he clipped the wings inside
Now, learn to give the devil all his due
Then live a life of confidence and pride
Yes, God. We serve by holding onto you
When looking back at life here's what he found.
There is no substitute for Holy Ground.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Norbanus.
Comment from dragonpoet
The picture illustrates the poem well.
Your rhymes work well and I like the way it is broken up like an introduction and a story.
It vividly tells of a search with a happy ending. How faith makes you a stronger person.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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The picture illustrates the poem well.
Your rhymes work well and I like the way it is broken up like an introduction and a story.
It vividly tells of a search with a happy ending. How faith makes you a stronger person.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Poet.
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No problem, Justin.
Joan
Comment from rama devi
So nice to see your real name and to see you back posting on FS, Justin (Boz!) I love the deep flavor of faith this poem exudes.
NOTES
*
He meditates and pleads while
Sitting next to a tranquil tree.(,)
Searching every orifice
Of his heart for a Christ-given harmony.
nice alliteration and consonance of T, and consonance of S and soft C as well. The whole stanza reads as one sentence, thus the spag suggestions above.
*Same thing here--it is one sentence, so why the period after find?--
But it seems in his
Struggling he cannot find.(no period)
Anything to alleviate
The demons of his mind.
Very nice alliteration on A
Good shift from third person to first:
He is a lonely, monotonic Christian
And this is his tale:
*
I tried to sojourn to the forest,
A tranquil Promised Land.(,)
So that Lucifer could not touch me
With his flaming, tortuous hands.
* tense shift from past to present. Thus spag suggestion below:
But with every step and with every turn
I begin(began) to lose my fragile hope.
Jesus, please help me
Because I just cannot seem to cope.
Or, even better (I think), maybe alter it so the tense shift works--because it continues in subsequent stanza. IDEA: use NOW instead of WITH. Example:
But now with every step and every turn
I begin to lose my fragile hope.
Jesus, please help me
Because I just cannot seem to cope.
*
The world around me is changing
And in its transformation I can feel.(no period)
I'm losing touch with reality
And no longer distinguish what is false or what is real.
Potent stanza...emotional intensity and spiritual crisis flavor is tangible.
My heart is beating so intensely
With every step I take.
Jesus, I give you my spirit and my soul
For I know I am yours, never to forsake.
Good closing stanza. Consider altering the voicing of the first line from passive to active. Example;
My heart beats so intensely
This is a superbly expressive poem--raw and real and deep and sincere. I am sure most people gave it at least five stars, but as you might recall, I always try to review the WHOLE work with integrity, and on a technical side, this has much room for improvement.
Thanks for sharing your spiritual self, here, so openly. Nice picture...it captures the mood of humility spurred by suffering and longing for Divine Grace. May your Jesus ever be with you and fill your heart with Bliss.
Best wishes,
rd
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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So nice to see your real name and to see you back posting on FS, Justin (Boz!) I love the deep flavor of faith this poem exudes.
NOTES
*
He meditates and pleads while
Sitting next to a tranquil tree.(,)
Searching every orifice
Of his heart for a Christ-given harmony.
nice alliteration and consonance of T, and consonance of S and soft C as well. The whole stanza reads as one sentence, thus the spag suggestions above.
*Same thing here--it is one sentence, so why the period after find?--
But it seems in his
Struggling he cannot find.(no period)
Anything to alleviate
The demons of his mind.
Very nice alliteration on A
Good shift from third person to first:
He is a lonely, monotonic Christian
And this is his tale:
*
I tried to sojourn to the forest,
A tranquil Promised Land.(,)
So that Lucifer could not touch me
With his flaming, tortuous hands.
* tense shift from past to present. Thus spag suggestion below:
But with every step and with every turn
I begin(began) to lose my fragile hope.
Jesus, please help me
Because I just cannot seem to cope.
Or, even better (I think), maybe alter it so the tense shift works--because it continues in subsequent stanza. IDEA: use NOW instead of WITH. Example:
But now with every step and every turn
I begin to lose my fragile hope.
Jesus, please help me
Because I just cannot seem to cope.
*
The world around me is changing
And in its transformation I can feel.(no period)
I'm losing touch with reality
And no longer distinguish what is false or what is real.
Potent stanza...emotional intensity and spiritual crisis flavor is tangible.
My heart is beating so intensely
With every step I take.
Jesus, I give you my spirit and my soul
For I know I am yours, never to forsake.
Good closing stanza. Consider altering the voicing of the first line from passive to active. Example;
My heart beats so intensely
This is a superbly expressive poem--raw and real and deep and sincere. I am sure most people gave it at least five stars, but as you might recall, I always try to review the WHOLE work with integrity, and on a technical side, this has much room for improvement.
Thanks for sharing your spiritual self, here, so openly. Nice picture...it captures the mood of humility spurred by suffering and longing for Divine Grace. May your Jesus ever be with you and fill your heart with Bliss.
Best wishes,
rd
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the advice devi.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Justin Chopin,
"My heart is beating so intensely
With every step I take.
Jesus, I give you my spirit and my soul
For I know I am yours, never to forsake."
My Friend, you are in the right hands and thank yourself for the right decision.
Marvelous theme/simple, but impressive wording/smooth flow/nice rhyming scheme/lively imagery.
Lovely and worth appreciating!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hello Justin Chopin,
"My heart is beating so intensely
With every step I take.
Jesus, I give you my spirit and my soul
For I know I am yours, never to forsake."
My Friend, you are in the right hands and thank yourself for the right decision.
Marvelous theme/simple, but impressive wording/smooth flow/nice rhyming scheme/lively imagery.
Lovely and worth appreciating!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Saxena.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Very touching and well written with raw emotion.
A strong spiritual quest searching for the peace and serenity of the Saviour.
Nicely formatted and rhymed and avery effective presentation.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Very touching and well written with raw emotion.
A strong spiritual quest searching for the peace and serenity of the Saviour.
Nicely formatted and rhymed and avery effective presentation.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank yo Seken.
Comment from Cajungirl
Your heartful struggle to find Our Savior is very well expressed in your poem. God has blessed you with a gift of words. I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Your heartful struggle to find Our Savior is very well expressed in your poem. God has blessed you with a gift of words. I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks Cajun! .
Comment from Sanku
When I saw the art ,I thought this was a commentary about PILgrim's Progress' .but this is a personal emotional pilgrimage.it is well composed, the sincerity and depth is very evident.thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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When I saw the art ,I thought this was a commentary about PILgrim's Progress' .but this is a personal emotional pilgrimage.it is well composed, the sincerity and depth is very evident.thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Sanku.
