The Voyager
A poem describing myself143 total reviews
Comment from noronradss55
Very nice spiritual effort a little drug out
but interesting none the less.I think we
all crave that special connection with God
some of are fortunate enough to discover it
while others never achieve that success.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Very nice spiritual effort a little drug out
but interesting none the less.I think we
all crave that special connection with God
some of are fortunate enough to discover it
while others never achieve that success.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you 55.
Comment from justmarly
You had it hiding wow you should had shared it sooner. This is the Gospel in a nut shell. I love it. Thank you for sharing it. JM
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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You had it hiding wow you should had shared it sooner. This is the Gospel in a nut shell. I love it. Thank you for sharing it. JM
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you JM.
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Welcome. Jm
Comment from Hitcher
Not an easy road to travel, for once you embark on such a journey you can be guaranteed of one thing;those demons will work double time to disrupt and destroy your dreams turning them to dust. It was a powerful well written poem , well done and good luck with your Journey.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Not an easy road to travel, for once you embark on such a journey you can be guaranteed of one thing;those demons will work double time to disrupt and destroy your dreams turning them to dust. It was a powerful well written poem , well done and good luck with your Journey.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Hitcher.
Comment from GregoryCody
I write an essay here called The Conversation about my logical approach to find God. Not a promo, just a pretty different take on the topic and maybe something you could relate to. This poem touched me. I'm going through something tough and I've said the words you wrote above. You are not alone my friend. Neither am I. Your poem technically has great flow, great descriptions and near dialogue. Its perfectly written. God Is with us. Promise. It I had a six it would be yours. It'd be a Seven. Seriously.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I write an essay here called The Conversation about my logical approach to find God. Not a promo, just a pretty different take on the topic and maybe something you could relate to. This poem touched me. I'm going through something tough and I've said the words you wrote above. You are not alone my friend. Neither am I. Your poem technically has great flow, great descriptions and near dialogue. Its perfectly written. God Is with us. Promise. It I had a six it would be yours. It'd be a Seven. Seriously.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Greg.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I can relate to this well-written, emotional poem. I've been a Christian for many years, but sometimes my spirit seems almost dead--I repeat, ALMOST. There are also frequent revivals! Excellent poem
Stanza 3--no period needed after line 3
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I can relate to this well-written, emotional poem. I've been a Christian for many years, but sometimes my spirit seems almost dead--I repeat, ALMOST. There are also frequent revivals! Excellent poem
Stanza 3--no period needed after line 3
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much Janice. Actually feeling spirtually dead is what inspired this poem.
Comment from elchupakabra
I think this piece is overrated and I will tell you why; it's biopic and religious, which means people will instantly relate to it and enjoy it. However, I am not religious, and I found the piece jarring in many instances, particularly when it came down to the flow of the work. I thought there were many lines that jutted out curiously, where the wording could be rearranged to have the same meaning but vastly improve the flow. Examples here would include;
He meditates, seeking advice.
Sat propped 'gainst a tranquil tree.
Searching every orifice
Of his heart for a Christ-given harmony. (this line still juts out but I just don't know how to change it really, that's more your call)
In my deepest forebodings of fright
Demons surround me and I can't cry.
Jesus, help me, Sweet Jesus because
I don't feel ready to die. (extends the line slightly, adds flow)
The world around me is changing
And in its transformation I can feel.
I'm losing touch with reality
And no longer distinguish what is false or what is real.(not only is this thought still cliche, it absolutely destroys any flow you had going)
Punctuation and capitalization was another big thing for me, I feel this is a commonly ignored aesthetic that shouldn't be. Not every line here is a complete thought, some of your thoughts are expressed in two, even three lines. This is not reflected in the work when you capitalize the first letter of every single line. Punctuation seemed random and cluttered. Example;
I have been searching for God
since I was seven years old,
but I can't find His peace and
my spirit's so callous and cold. (Looks cleaner and the shortened syllabic count of the contraction in the last line improves the flow)
Finally, a lot of the linework felt rudimentary to me. You're talking about your search for meaning in life here, dig deep and pull out some more abstract allusions and metaphors, throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. Best of luck with this and all your future endeavours.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I think this piece is overrated and I will tell you why; it's biopic and religious, which means people will instantly relate to it and enjoy it. However, I am not religious, and I found the piece jarring in many instances, particularly when it came down to the flow of the work. I thought there were many lines that jutted out curiously, where the wording could be rearranged to have the same meaning but vastly improve the flow. Examples here would include;
He meditates, seeking advice.
Sat propped 'gainst a tranquil tree.
Searching every orifice
Of his heart for a Christ-given harmony. (this line still juts out but I just don't know how to change it really, that's more your call)
In my deepest forebodings of fright
Demons surround me and I can't cry.
Jesus, help me, Sweet Jesus because
I don't feel ready to die. (extends the line slightly, adds flow)
The world around me is changing
And in its transformation I can feel.
I'm losing touch with reality
And no longer distinguish what is false or what is real.(not only is this thought still cliche, it absolutely destroys any flow you had going)
Punctuation and capitalization was another big thing for me, I feel this is a commonly ignored aesthetic that shouldn't be. Not every line here is a complete thought, some of your thoughts are expressed in two, even three lines. This is not reflected in the work when you capitalize the first letter of every single line. Punctuation seemed random and cluttered. Example;
I have been searching for God
since I was seven years old,
but I can't find His peace and
my spirit's so callous and cold. (Looks cleaner and the shortened syllabic count of the contraction in the last line improves the flow)
Finally, a lot of the linework felt rudimentary to me. You're talking about your search for meaning in life here, dig deep and pull out some more abstract allusions and metaphors, throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. Best of luck with this and all your future endeavours.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Sorry that you didn't like the poem.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I have also had this struggle. I actually go back and forth, sometimes we're good and sometimes we're not. It depends on me and how much control I want to give away about certain situations. Truth is I like control and turning things completely over to God is super hard for me. Great job and you're alone with your struggles
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I have also had this struggle. I actually go back and forth, sometimes we're good and sometimes we're not. It depends on me and how much control I want to give away about certain situations. Truth is I like control and turning things completely over to God is super hard for me. Great job and you're alone with your struggles
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Liphe.
Comment from Glasstruth
Nice rhyming. You have a an excellent idea here, but it's lengthy in that after you start your story which is more emotions than story; in six verses you're searching for God, after the the first four as an introduction, but I already got the idea long before I finished reading. Your start off as a story, mentioning your search since you were seven, but then the story dies. Just the same repetition of searching. You should personalize it by telling more of yourself. Don't hide in your search. Bring yourself out. Les
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Nice rhyming. You have a an excellent idea here, but it's lengthy in that after you start your story which is more emotions than story; in six verses you're searching for God, after the the first four as an introduction, but I already got the idea long before I finished reading. Your start off as a story, mentioning your search since you were seven, but then the story dies. Just the same repetition of searching. You should personalize it by telling more of yourself. Don't hide in your search. Bring yourself out. Les
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Glass Truth.
Comment from nomi338
You may not like what I am about to say, but I believe that a careful study of the Scriptures will disclose that there is a distinct separation between Jehovah God The father, Jesus the son, and the Holy spirit, God's active force. Prayer should be directed to God the father in the name of Jesus the son. When you know whom you are seeking they become much easier to find.
Your poem is a fine poem, but I felt compelled to not be silent on the subject of God's true identity.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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You may not like what I am about to say, but I believe that a careful study of the Scriptures will disclose that there is a distinct separation between Jehovah God The father, Jesus the son, and the Holy spirit, God's active force. Prayer should be directed to God the father in the name of Jesus the son. When you know whom you are seeking they become much easier to find.
Your poem is a fine poem, but I felt compelled to not be silent on the subject of God's true identity.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Nomi
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, justin, you did an excellent job writing this poem about the struggles you had while finding yourself in Christ. i enjoyed reading this one..
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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this is very well written, justin, you did an excellent job writing this poem about the struggles you had while finding yourself in Christ. i enjoyed reading this one..
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Jax.
