Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "One Last Mile"A collection of sonnets
21 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Just figured out it is an electric chair not a wheel chair! Dih! Trying to clear some of this reviewing that has piled up on me. Now I figured it is an electric chair that helps me understand where you were going more! Good work NO SPAGS! Sur-rise surprise
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2013
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Just figured out it is an electric chair not a wheel chair! Dih! Trying to clear some of this reviewing that has piled up on me. Now I figured it is an electric chair that helps me understand where you were going more! Good work NO SPAGS! Sur-rise surprise
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2013
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Wow. This is old. Hahaha. Yep, electric chair. I revised this from the very first poem I wrote when I was 12. Happy kid!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
There's no excuse for murder. "He who steals my wife steels trash." So you have lost nothing but faith in the one you loved. Not worth murder. I like your sonnet a lot Michael. I am a sonnet lover. Good job. Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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There's no excuse for murder. "He who steals my wife steels trash." So you have lost nothing but faith in the one you loved. Not worth murder. I like your sonnet a lot Michael. I am a sonnet lover. Good job. Nancy
Comment Written 06-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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I agree. I personally would just walk away. Really working on these pesky sonnets. Difficult. This is a poem I wrote when I was twelve that I reworked to make a sonnet out of. cute little kid huh? mike
Comment from cinderbella
I am finally able to do some catching up, and I am for the most part doing one author at a time, makes it easier for me.
This poem is a little chilling to say the least. A couple of lines I particularly loved.
"A bursting head stole reason from my rhyme."
"Hugs, when my wife is dead and joins as well"
I can see that this murderer you have created has no remorse, simply still feels justified. Maybe he was. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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I am finally able to do some catching up, and I am for the most part doing one author at a time, makes it easier for me.
This poem is a little chilling to say the least. A couple of lines I particularly loved.
"A bursting head stole reason from my rhyme."
"Hugs, when my wife is dead and joins as well"
I can see that this murderer you have created has no remorse, simply still feels justified. Maybe he was. :) Sandra
Comment Written 06-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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Ha! I am so trying to write a sonnet that I will write about anything!! he might be justified. I would have walked away laughing. never let them know they are getting to you. hahaha. like getting 3 stars. mike
Comment from eafournier
"One last Mile" is a very unsettling poem. I can't imagine the thoughts that must run through one's head as he ponders his execution. Great last verse!
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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"One last Mile" is a very unsettling poem. I can't imagine the thoughts that must run through one's head as he ponders his execution. Great last verse!
Comment Written 06-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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Thank you very kindly. I wrote the original when I was twelve. Cute kid huh. Glad you liked it. regards, mike
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A grim sonnet on a not unusual subject. Perfect syllable count and good aabb rhyme form. A very descriptive poem about a man about to go to the electric chair. Use of metaphor helps it along poetically. Good Read. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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A grim sonnet on a not unusual subject. Perfect syllable count and good aabb rhyme form. A very descriptive poem about a man about to go to the electric chair. Use of metaphor helps it along poetically. Good Read. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 06-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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Thank you so much. I keep trying abab and I forget and end up aabb. I think it has something to do with being a songwriter, ha! So pleased with your positive review. very encouraging. abab to follow hopefully. mike
Comment from emjaihammond
My, this one is filled with good story telling and it's done in rhyme. A testament to the dangers of cheating. He definitely like he has a home coming planned for his wife it sounds like. A good interesting and entertaining read.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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My, this one is filled with good story telling and it's done in rhyme. A testament to the dangers of cheating. He definitely like he has a home coming planned for his wife it sounds like. A good interesting and entertaining read.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2013
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a very exciting response. thank you so very much. mike
Comment from ravenblack
Damn, you have one hell of an imagination. The ending couplet- a chilling take on "he who laughs best laughs last". Really like the line " a bursting heart stole reason from my rhyme". I'd say you fried this sonnet in a good way. Check out Nick Caves' s album " Murder Ballads" for similar wit.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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Damn, you have one hell of an imagination. The ending couplet- a chilling take on "he who laughs best laughs last". Really like the line " a bursting heart stole reason from my rhyme". I'd say you fried this sonnet in a good way. Check out Nick Caves' s album " Murder Ballads" for similar wit.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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this is a re-wording of the very first poem I wrote when I was twelve years old. what a cute kid huh. trying to write a damn sonnet and I don't want to sound like Shakespeare so I am using off the wall subject matter. I will check out Mr. Cave. Glad you liked this. mike
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12? Hope when you were a toddler that your high chair wasn't old sparky. My first sonnet - 8th grade- was about a girl I liked. Yep. It was pretty bad.
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you should post it. we are so used to excellence from you that we would figure it was brilliant and figure out a reason why! mike
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Hahaha.....Nope. it's full of forced rhyme.
Comment from Rondeno
Quite a melodramatic sonnet! In actual fact, murder of a spouse - especially in the circumstances described - wouldn't be a capital offense. But hey - it's a good story!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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Quite a melodramatic sonnet! In actual fact, murder of a spouse - especially in the circumstances described - wouldn't be a capital offense. But hey - it's a good story!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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Quite true. ha! I had the law changed to fit my poem. Priorities! See, in free verse I could've added special circumstances. I am pleased you liked it though. thank you very much. mike
Comment from denhagan
This is a nice sonnet poem with good rhythm and rhyming throughout the poem. (Michael, an English sonnet poem usually has the rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg or abba cddc effe gg). Nice creative write.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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This is a nice sonnet poem with good rhythm and rhyming throughout the poem. (Michael, an English sonnet poem usually has the rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg or abba cddc effe gg). Nice creative write.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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Thank you. I keep intending to write an English sonnet and then I keep writing the first stanza aabb. hahaha! I have to get someone to stand behind me with a ruler and rap my knuckles. I will try again. In the meantime I am getting in some good practice!! Glad you like this. Thank you for your help. mike
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You're welcome Mike. Take care,
Dennis
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
Wow what a poem from the right perspective I must add; they were at one time called crimes of passion, especially from today's perspective when anything goes which has actually been going on in one form or another from time immemorial. Most liberal spouses don't know the meaning of marriage or the sanctity of that type of commitment for they don't have the quality of feelings of unconditional love or commitment they thought they had at the time of their sacred vows.
And with the race to get God out of human life, Biblical morals & standards, values & virtues are just simply ignored. That great day for ?? happened in 1964, the bastards! I remember the paper's headlines ranting "God is Dead" the ignorant fools in hell they will be too!
Poem should get a 6 stars but I haven't any to give, sorry about that.
The poem reads well & sparks the life of the soul & sharpens the mind to truth as well. Rhyming scheme is good. I don't see any spelling or grammatical errors.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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Wow what a poem from the right perspective I must add; they were at one time called crimes of passion, especially from today's perspective when anything goes which has actually been going on in one form or another from time immemorial. Most liberal spouses don't know the meaning of marriage or the sanctity of that type of commitment for they don't have the quality of feelings of unconditional love or commitment they thought they had at the time of their sacred vows.
And with the race to get God out of human life, Biblical morals & standards, values & virtues are just simply ignored. That great day for ?? happened in 1964, the bastards! I remember the paper's headlines ranting "God is Dead" the ignorant fools in hell they will be too!
Poem should get a 6 stars but I haven't any to give, sorry about that.
The poem reads well & sparks the life of the soul & sharpens the mind to truth as well. Rhyming scheme is good. I don't see any spelling or grammatical errors.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2013
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Delighted that you liked my piece. Wonderful insightful comments and ones that we share. I will take your encouraging remarks over a six any day. Thank you very kindly. mike
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Y/W
