Walking in the street
About a young man and a small aged girl's rlationship.2 total reviews
Comment from Tessa Kay
You're brave to attempt a poem in what seems to be not your native language.
A few things you may want to change:
'she never lets me go without..'
'turn the radio off', not make it off.
'to listen to the voice of her..
even if she murmurs / or murmured
I still wait to listen to her voice
she tells me (not says me)
Well done for taking on such a project.
all the best for your writing.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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You're brave to attempt a poem in what seems to be not your native language.
A few things you may want to change:
'she never lets me go without..'
'turn the radio off', not make it off.
'to listen to the voice of her..
even if she murmurs / or murmured
I still wait to listen to her voice
she tells me (not says me)
Well done for taking on such a project.
all the best for your writing.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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Thank u...... der is more coming...
Comment from ndadarose
The pain in this poem is very real and believable and you should definitely polish it. Is this poem entered in the right contest. The format 5-7-5 is a three line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables in the third line.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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The pain in this poem is very real and believable and you should definitely polish it. Is this poem entered in the right contest. The format 5-7-5 is a three line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables in the third line.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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Sorry mam.... i didnt knew what 5-7-5 was... I thank u for your advice.. I will take care of it in future, for sure...
