Pods
Those smartphones will be the end of us.11 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
It's different. It's well written. I liked the story, but it was a struggle to get through it. There is more explainationt than I care to deal with and most of it is difficult to follow. I think it has a lot of potential.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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It's different. It's well written. I liked the story, but it was a struggle to get through it. There is more explainationt than I care to deal with and most of it is difficult to follow. I think it has a lot of potential.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Thank for taking the time to read and review. It is much appreciated.
Comment from Thatguypk
I've never been into sci-fi, so I can't comment on how original this is, but to me, it's brilliant. Very cleverly conceived and well detailed. I agree that technology is frightening, as more and more of our lives are influenced and even controlled by outside forces. This story kind of takes that notion to the extreme. I'll be voting for this! :-)
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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I've never been into sci-fi, so I can't comment on how original this is, but to me, it's brilliant. Very cleverly conceived and well detailed. I agree that technology is frightening, as more and more of our lives are influenced and even controlled by outside forces. This story kind of takes that notion to the extreme. I'll be voting for this! :-)
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for the review and for the vote of confidence. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from I.T creatives
Clarke and Asimov would be intrigued. Like the
visionary Who wrote blade runner , they would
be intrigued too.
Could be a series there.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Clarke and Asimov would be intrigued. Like the
visionary Who wrote blade runner , they would
be intrigued too.
Could be a series there.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your comments- they flatter me. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Liz Dunbee
I generally do not read science fiction, but this was great. At first I thought what a great way to live. It captured my imagination from the beginning. The thought of being controlled by our own inventions is quite frightening. Your writing style is excellent and your story well paced. An excellent entry. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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I generally do not read science fiction, but this was great. At first I thought what a great way to live. It captured my imagination from the beginning. The thought of being controlled by our own inventions is quite frightening. Your writing style is excellent and your story well paced. An excellent entry. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review. I am pleased that you liked it.
Comment from bluemlein
interesting premise but please, please, please! pay attention to tenses! syntax! punctuation! one does not wish to sound like a parrot but one problem that consistently raises its idiotic little head on this site is the apparent inability of writers to prepare properly works that they enter in competitions or post for review. if you think that is nitpicking, it is. why, you ask?
again: errors interfere with the reader's perception and enjoyment of the story. many errors are insignificant enough on their own not to impede the reader's progress but they will leave behind their own toxic residue.
changes in tense are every bit as noticeable as changes in mood. but if one wishes to create a sombre mood, why suddenly interject comedy?
similarly if, you are narrating the story in first person singular in the present but, then it suddenly changed and the reader who was trying to follow, you was stumped as to what had just happened, and you jump back into the present how will they react? the readers?
did you stumble over one or two places in the previous paragraph? that would be because it contains deliberate errors to try to highlight the critique.
this story could have earned another point, had it been carefully edited. or is it just me, thinking that the standard one ought to set for oneself should be higher than what appears to satisfy the rest of the readers?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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interesting premise but please, please, please! pay attention to tenses! syntax! punctuation! one does not wish to sound like a parrot but one problem that consistently raises its idiotic little head on this site is the apparent inability of writers to prepare properly works that they enter in competitions or post for review. if you think that is nitpicking, it is. why, you ask?
again: errors interfere with the reader's perception and enjoyment of the story. many errors are insignificant enough on their own not to impede the reader's progress but they will leave behind their own toxic residue.
changes in tense are every bit as noticeable as changes in mood. but if one wishes to create a sombre mood, why suddenly interject comedy?
similarly if, you are narrating the story in first person singular in the present but, then it suddenly changed and the reader who was trying to follow, you was stumped as to what had just happened, and you jump back into the present how will they react? the readers?
did you stumble over one or two places in the previous paragraph? that would be because it contains deliberate errors to try to highlight the critique.
this story could have earned another point, had it been carefully edited. or is it just me, thinking that the standard one ought to set for oneself should be higher than what appears to satisfy the rest of the readers?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks for reading and taking the time to review. I have been writing for nine months now and am still trying to figure out all of the things that you have mentioned.
I am on this site to learn, not to get stars or ratings and I thank you for pointing out the errors.
I will go back over it and see what I can fix.
Thanks again.
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i think you will find reading your work aloud to be an excellent way to find natural rhythm, speech patterns, and places of punctuation. if you have been writing for less than a year i'd say you show great promise.
you might want to think about whether to use the present tense (more immediate, takes the reader directly into the action) or past, which allows for more circumspection, kicking around ideas and emotions and speculation. it does not mean that you cannot shift tenses, but if you do, you have to be careful to bridge via smooth transmission. again, reading aloud - or visualizing - is helpful. if you are watching a movie, and there is a shift in tense, there is usually an indication (all the way from wavy camera to more sophisticated voice-over etc) that clearly shows the change. that's what you need.
Comment from Gabrieltheswifter
Dude, WOW. This was really really good. :P I liked it so so so much. This should seriously be a book, if you work on it more, develop the story more, you could just have a best seller on your hands :P
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Dude, WOW. This was really really good. :P I liked it so so so much. This should seriously be a book, if you work on it more, develop the story more, you could just have a best seller on your hands :P
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for the great review. I'm flattered that you think that this is good enough to be made into a book. I'll give that some consideration.
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Thank you very much for the great review. I'm flattered that you think that this is good enough to be made into a book. I'll give that some consideration.
Comment from poet.wayne
You sure did! Wow... the Jetsons run amok!
I share your assessment of the direction of our culture at the hands of electronica and social media addiction.
My one thought in all this, is that it seems like the most addicted ones are those that have the hardest time in real-life socializing. And they get 'validation' of their existence through how often they're texted. or liked, or how many electronoic friends they have. I tried Facebook for a year or so, and I'm about done with it.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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You sure did! Wow... the Jetsons run amok!
I share your assessment of the direction of our culture at the hands of electronica and social media addiction.
My one thought in all this, is that it seems like the most addicted ones are those that have the hardest time in real-life socializing. And they get 'validation' of their existence through how often they're texted. or liked, or how many electronoic friends they have. I tried Facebook for a year or so, and I'm about done with it.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the six stars, I wasn't expecting that. I'm glad you liked it. To me smartphones and tablets and pads and all the other social media devices are depleting our social skills. You can now socialise without meeting up and I find that a bit weird. Glad you liked it.
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Oh yes I did! I wrote a piece some time back, "Upside Down Tomorrow?" that would have fit this prompt well... I looked more at the growing immaturity of our culture, the "I want it, and I want it NOW" mindset, as well as the runaway "I'm a King!" mentality of politicians...
Comment from Righteous Riter
This story begins just right. Just as a person awakes from a deep sleep, so does the beginning of this story. The events are transitioned well as the pace gradually intensifies. The events throughout the body of this story holds the readers attention as this story ends with a conclusion centered by questions.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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This story begins just right. Just as a person awakes from a deep sleep, so does the beginning of this story. The events are transitioned well as the pace gradually intensifies. The events throughout the body of this story holds the readers attention as this story ends with a conclusion centered by questions.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for the review and comments. I always like hearing from you. I'm very glad you liked it.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mac. I must say, this story is very well planed and full of imaginative ideas. I have no doubt you will win the contest based on your use of imagery and superb dialogue. If I had six stars I would give you one for sure. Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Hi, Mac. I must say, this story is very well planed and full of imaginative ideas. I have no doubt you will win the contest based on your use of imagery and superb dialogue. If I had six stars I would give you one for sure. Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 20-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Bob
I always love hearing from you and I thank you for your wonderful comments. I am flattered by your comments and I am very glad that you liked the story.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
I really got in to your 'Pod City'. It was sounding to good to be true and a bit more techy than I like in todays world, but I thought it was just future development. Then the turn of events with revolution. It was a very well written story with great potential. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Carolyn
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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I really got in to your 'Pod City'. It was sounding to good to be true and a bit more techy than I like in todays world, but I thought it was just future development. Then the turn of events with revolution. It was a very well written story with great potential. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Carolyn
Comment Written 20-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for the review. I'm glad you liked it.
