The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 " In laws & Outlaws More Mongrels "Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
28 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Sankey,
Another interesting chapter in the sage of your life.
What a joy to know that you Dad was saved and you were responsible for sowing the seed. The Word never loses it's power, does it?
The piece, however, suffers from a huge lack of commas! I made a list of as many as I could, before I got cross-eyed and had to give up!
Will be watching for more.
Have a blessed weekend. :)
Sonali
Spags:
he wandered all over the place(,) living in
. As we visited(,) It came to my mind
Whether with him or near him(,) we don't know.
without his lady friend (Maude)at the time's knowledge ... this phrase is a bit convoluted ... suggest: ... without the knowledge of Maude, his lady friend, at the time
somehow disappeared"(,)so Dad never received it.
But as above(,) it was for the best.
. At that time(,) he and Mum discussed a trip I wanted to go on the following
I remember a couple of years later(,) going on
a trip on my own again(,) out to Forbes where dad was running a
Housie Cards as well as mine too! ... suggest: .. House Cards, including mine
was (,)but put your finger
Of course I still remember, as well, the return ... suggest: ... Of course, I also remember still, the return
whom we prayed for, for salvation for over 40 years. ... suggest: ... whose salvation we had prayed for, for over forty years (I prayed for my Dad for 25 years - God is so faithful, isn't he?)
On this day(,) I had a list of salvation verses I shared
Now(,) if you know my sister
"NO(,) IT WAS A LOVELY SERVICE (did she finally get saved?)
my elder bro(ther) and (better not to use slang unless in dialogue)
to my grandparents (not Grand parents), they
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
  |
Hello Sankey,
Another interesting chapter in the sage of your life.
What a joy to know that you Dad was saved and you were responsible for sowing the seed. The Word never loses it's power, does it?
The piece, however, suffers from a huge lack of commas! I made a list of as many as I could, before I got cross-eyed and had to give up!
Will be watching for more.
Have a blessed weekend. :)
Sonali
Spags:
he wandered all over the place(,) living in
. As we visited(,) It came to my mind
Whether with him or near him(,) we don't know.
without his lady friend (Maude)at the time's knowledge ... this phrase is a bit convoluted ... suggest: ... without the knowledge of Maude, his lady friend, at the time
somehow disappeared"(,)so Dad never received it.
But as above(,) it was for the best.
. At that time(,) he and Mum discussed a trip I wanted to go on the following
I remember a couple of years later(,) going on
a trip on my own again(,) out to Forbes where dad was running a
Housie Cards as well as mine too! ... suggest: .. House Cards, including mine
was (,)but put your finger
Of course I still remember, as well, the return ... suggest: ... Of course, I also remember still, the return
whom we prayed for, for salvation for over 40 years. ... suggest: ... whose salvation we had prayed for, for over forty years (I prayed for my Dad for 25 years - God is so faithful, isn't he?)
On this day(,) I had a list of salvation verses I shared
Now(,) if you know my sister
"NO(,) IT WAS A LOVELY SERVICE (did she finally get saved?)
my elder bro(ther) and (better not to use slang unless in dialogue)
to my grandparents (not Grand parents), they
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
-
Hi thanks for all this. Seems we reviewers are alldifferent as no one else has picked up what you did. had another reviewer couldn't cope with all my old short lines...and some one else was criticising too many commas...so I can't win huh!. Tnanks will work on it. Re Sister getting saved..my MUm always thought she was but as you know we an be fruit Inspectors (verse in Timothy and Titus I think or Matthew?? busy atm "by their fruits ye shall know them" My sister had more fellas that you've had hot dinners ok! I appreciate all your hard work. See what I can do. I am about to get Chapter 15 up more mistakes for everyone to find I guess. As I said to someone I am a bit annoyed at Advanced Edit but will give it a go.
-
No one else has picked up, Sankey, because most reviewers are lazy and don't want to spare too much precious time - they write fluff reviews that are not helpful and say nothing, take the points and dollars and run! I spent over half an hour on this one. I believe in being thorough and sincere and I pray for the person as I review.
I know what you mean by the fruit ... :)
-
I really appreciate your diligence. I had reported a fellow who was doing cut and paste reviews as I noticed on a number of his reviews his wording was exactly identical to some others he did on my stuff.
Tom has taken action in it I think.
I am incuding the Carols and Songs page I usually run on our church web site from the beginning of December if you care to check out my carols. Including the music; still unpublished unfortunately the last of the carols is on FS "He Came To Die For Us" as a poem with the Midi file attached.
Here you go:
http://nepeanbaptistoz.witnesstoday.org/Carols-Songs.html
and thanks again.
-
Hi again, I know I may have still ommittedcomma's in a couple of places but please, as you have time have another look and see qwhat I have done, and thanks. I don't know why i left all the commas out before, I think it was because another reviewer on another chapter reckoned I had too many commas so go figure. Thanks again,aprpeciate your help.
-
Chapter 14 has been edited let me know what you think and sorry if this is a repeat. Gonna have a shot at doing Chapter 15 with Advanced Editor. In caseit is up already I am not finished ok.
-
I think I know the "fellow" - does he always say 'well written with a smooth flow of words"??? :) :)
-
YES he does. I think Tom is dealing with it.
-
Hi there Chapter 15 is up now just a few things to fix tomorrow if you wanna have a look. Night Night.
-
Added some more to this chapter if you care to look through again.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
See new rating as allocated to edited work.
A thorough recollection and sharing of events in your families past. It would serve as a family history for future generations.
You have placed a lot of information into this chapter.
The formatting is still confusing and makes it difficult to read and follow when all the information is unfamiliar.
Have you thought about leaving the print the same size but using italics-the inconsistency in size is off-putting and many may not bother to read further.
There are still lots of "half lines." I'm not sure whether you are writing as a note format or as a story.
Try getting someone else to read it before you post it for fluency and ease of reading.
I can only comment on what I see and the way I see it.
Again if you are prepared to revisit and edit the piece I will review it again.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
|
See new rating as allocated to edited work.
A thorough recollection and sharing of events in your families past. It would serve as a family history for future generations.
You have placed a lot of information into this chapter.
The formatting is still confusing and makes it difficult to read and follow when all the information is unfamiliar.
Have you thought about leaving the print the same size but using italics-the inconsistency in size is off-putting and many may not bother to read further.
There are still lots of "half lines." I'm not sure whether you are writing as a note format or as a story.
Try getting someone else to read it before you post it for fluency and ease of reading.
I can only comment on what I see and the way I see it.
Again if you are prepared to revisit and edit the piece I will review it again.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
-
Thanks will look. I think my problem is that darn Advanced Editor. I really DON'T like it. See what I can do. Incidentally no one else has said what you have but no matter will go check again Appreciate the advice.
-
Hi I have just done a re -edit will go and look and see how it is and let you know if it is safe to review again and I thank you in advance.
-
Hi I still could not avoid some short lines but I hope you like how it is now thanks again for your time.
-
Hi.
I've had another look at your work.
I do feel it is far less challenging and confusing to read.
You do want people to read and honestly review so I think more people with the edited format.
It looks more professional and less like a mix of notes.
i am happy to change the review to a higher rating.
-
Aww thanks appreciated. I get worried if I run the sentences up against each other it will jam up. And you know FS wants us to be careful not to "Indent" and with the paragraphs and all.
I guess I need to get used to the Advanced editing I am quite ok with HTML as I do it on 2 web sited but not sure I can just do HTML as I know it in Advanced edit. I think what might have been the problem was a "cross over" from one edit to the other from Advanced to Basic on same story...or vice versa. Again thanks for your time.
-
I will today try and put the next chapter up with the Advanced Editor only. See what happens with Chapter 15 later today. visitor coming later so may not get it up till later tomorrow. After Morning Service.
-
Hi I think I told you on one of my reviews of your work Chapter 15 is up now and I remember all the comma's you might be pleased to know hehe trying to get Charlie Ritchie's Youtube song wixed tomorrow.
-
Added some more to this chapter if you care to look through again.
Comment from madhatter1977
Hey Sankey, this is powerful recollections about the death of your father and his turn to religion at the end. I'm catching up and will try to get to the other chapters. Australia beat England at the cricket match I went to but it was a good day out. Hope to hear from you soon. Best wishes, Pete :)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
Hey Sankey, this is powerful recollections about the death of your father and his turn to religion at the end. I'm catching up and will try to get to the other chapters. Australia beat England at the cricket match I went to but it was a good day out. Hope to hear from you soon. Best wishes, Pete :)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Well mate I hope to see Dad in Glory some day. Thanks for the review. There is a second part to this will try and get it on in the next day or so after I get some more points up hehe.There is a guy on FS that seems to trot out exactly the same review every time he reviews my stuff. I am starting to remember it is the same thing he says every time hehe.Worse than that he claims to be a believer Sigh!
-
I hope your dreams are fulfilled about your dad, Sankey. It must've been so difficult for you. Take care mate, Pete
-
Well I hope so too. As you have seen Mum brought us up with no help from him and there was no such thing as Single Mother's pension's in them days until later when our friend in the Government got her some help.
Stick around for next part you will learn a lot more. Getting some reviewing points up first. Appreciate the friendship Glad we clobbered ya!
Comment from Norbanus
We wind up with not only your history but with a bit of Australian history in the mix, too. Thanks for another excellent journal entry.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
We wind up with not only your history but with a bit of Australian history in the mix, too. Thanks for another excellent journal entry.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks mate there is a second part to this will try and get it on in the next day or so after I get some more points up hehe.
There is a guy on FS that seems to trot out exactly the same review every time he reviews my stuff. I am starting to remember it is the same thing he says every time hehe. Worse than that he claims to be a believer Sigh!
-
Added some more to this chapter if you care to look through again.
Comment from emjaihammond
I love the true stories you are telling. I think them to be much more interesting at times, than fiction. You can't make up a lot of the things you write about. I too, enjoy writing about things in the past. You do a good job of sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
I love the true stories you are telling. I think them to be much more interesting at times, than fiction. You can't make up a lot of the things you write about. I too, enjoy writing about things in the past. You do a good job of sharing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks friend. Seems as we get older we remember more of the past hehe. There is a second part to this try and get it up in a day or two after I get some more "funny money" Member dollars up.
-
Added some more to this chapter if you care to look through again.
Comment from BethShelby
I really enjoyed learning about the personalities of your various family members. These stories are always interesting. I've read this one before and I imagine fanstory won't count it for a new review.
I'm enjoying the conversation way you tell about these family member and their various personalities.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
I really enjoyed learning about the personalities of your various family members. These stories are always interesting. I've read this one before and I imagine fanstory won't count it for a new review.
I'm enjoying the conversation way you tell about these family member and their various personalities.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
By Mrs Harrison yep I saw that and I thought get to it later and I knew some clever person would pick it up hehe thanks.
Just did an edit to Chapter 13. We watched Grumpier old Men with Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon and it reminded me of a wedding I played for and the bride got held up ion the traffic funny story if you wanna look Thanks for the Spags get to em soon
-
I have a cousin who ended up being late for her wedding because someone had parked a car in front of hers and blocked her in. She is sure that was a sign from God that she shouldn't have married the jerk as the marriage ended badly. LOL
-
Interesting thought. I just looked through the chapter you reviewed and I think I might have gone in again since the review you did and fixed some of it. Maybe when I did the addition re the late bride.I have been going to ask what is your feeling on "And" or "But" at the beginning of a sentence? I have been doing that because I had seen a lot of others doing it but I am not all that sure it is grammatically correct that way...no one has picked me up on it though.
have you heard that joke or maybe a rule "A preposition is a bad word to end a sentence with" hehe get it?
-
Added some more to this chapter if you care to look through again. This is possibly different to the chaoter you reviewed under this number bfore if we had gone that far have not seen you around for awhile is everything ok?
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of grabbing the readers attention from the beginning and leading the reader where the reader needs to go. The writer raises the curiosity of the reader as the reader reads on. I see nothing that I would change in this chapter. Nice job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
The writer does a good job of grabbing the readers attention from the beginning and leading the reader where the reader needs to go. The writer raises the curiosity of the reader as the reader reads on. I see nothing that I would change in this chapter. Nice job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks mate have you got this review set up some where? It looks like the same thing you have said on most of them but I appreciate ya ok hehe! I just made an addition to Chapter 13 when we were watching Grumpier old men and Walther Matthau was late for the wedding...a story about a late arriving Bride for a wedding I played for. Check it out ok! Thanks again
Comment from michaelcahill
I think I may have enjoyed this chapter more than any of the others. I enjoyed the journey well into the past with grandparents and touching well into times that were well before ours. I wouldn't mind hearing more about that bird! my wife and I had a bird store for about ten years and sold many a cockatoo. real characters. most of ours were hand fed by us and didn't bite. we had some wilder ones though. cute but, watch your fingers. all for chapter 14a. could go for a bit more of this for sure. mike
A lot new here I think. I laughed at "getting on the outside of that" something my own grandmother said in just about the same words! Very tight and smooth flowing now. Gets better all the time! mikey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
I think I may have enjoyed this chapter more than any of the others. I enjoyed the journey well into the past with grandparents and touching well into times that were well before ours. I wouldn't mind hearing more about that bird! my wife and I had a bird store for about ten years and sold many a cockatoo. real characters. most of ours were hand fed by us and didn't bite. we had some wilder ones though. cute but, watch your fingers. all for chapter 14a. could go for a bit more of this for sure. mike
A lot new here I think. I laughed at "getting on the outside of that" something my own grandmother said in just about the same words! Very tight and smooth flowing now. Gets better all the time! mikey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thank mate I have a picture show here about two white cockatt=oos getting together see if I can get it out for you. Fairly long one 0f the had a crook wing so was stuck in the cage. If you send me your e-mai I can send it to you.
Thanks for being "First Cab off the rank"
-
hahaha. does that mean I had the first review? e-mail madrigalisland@juno.com
okay so all the cabs are lined up and I got the first one in line right? mike
-
Chck ur e-mail no cockies yet ok
-
Added some more to this chapter if you care to look through again.
