Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Taku Moon"Murder Mystery
50 total reviews
Comment from michaelcahill
so very pleased to find you here. this is a really engaging story and superbly written. I enjoyed the beginning about the fly and how you took your time and offered detail and thoughtfulness to its situation. small things like that draw the reader in and then you have their attention. you have an excellent way with dialogue. it comes across as very natural. that is difficult and you make it look easy. looking forward to more. nice to meet you. mike
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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so very pleased to find you here. this is a really engaging story and superbly written. I enjoyed the beginning about the fly and how you took your time and offered detail and thoughtfulness to its situation. small things like that draw the reader in and then you have their attention. you have an excellent way with dialogue. it comes across as very natural. that is difficult and you make it look easy. looking forward to more. nice to meet you. mike
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Hello, Mike. I'm honored by your gracious and very generous review. Thank you for taking time to read my chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from boxergirl
I love crime-solving mysteries so you can understand why I liked your story. Your dialogue and description of the events were spot on. Even at the beginning, I could see the fly keep hanging around unaware that he was in danger. The characters were realistic and I look forward to reading your complete novel someday. Well done. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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I love crime-solving mysteries so you can understand why I liked your story. Your dialogue and description of the events were spot on. Even at the beginning, I could see the fly keep hanging around unaware that he was in danger. The characters were realistic and I look forward to reading your complete novel someday. Well done. :-)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Hello, boxergirl. Thank you so very much for your very gracious and generous review! I'm so glad you liked my story, and appreciate you taking time to read it. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Ducorse
Very well done and well polished. This is a great chapter, engaging and fast paced. A good story line pulls the reader in.
Only one thing to point out, and this may just be me. The first line:
A black fly made its way across Sheriff Oleson's desk -- its movements, sluggish, its vigor paling with each moon.
I found this confusing. In my mind the first part of the sentence implies that the actions/events in the second part of the sentence take place during the flies journey. I had to read thorough a couple of times and go on to the next sentence to see that you were talking about a protracted time frame with the moon phases and all. At first read it sort of sounded like an unreasonably long flight if the moon was changing before it arrived at the desk. Again this just may be me.
Thanks for a great read.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Very well done and well polished. This is a great chapter, engaging and fast paced. A good story line pulls the reader in.
Only one thing to point out, and this may just be me. The first line:
A black fly made its way across Sheriff Oleson's desk -- its movements, sluggish, its vigor paling with each moon.
I found this confusing. In my mind the first part of the sentence implies that the actions/events in the second part of the sentence take place during the flies journey. I had to read thorough a couple of times and go on to the next sentence to see that you were talking about a protracted time frame with the moon phases and all. At first read it sort of sounded like an unreasonably long flight if the moon was changing before it arrived at the desk. Again this just may be me.
Thanks for a great read.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the great review and insights, Ducorse. I had actually changed that line because of a reviewer suggestion. Think maybe I'll stick with my original version :0)
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Another great chapter my friend. I am now working with Jill (Mrs God's writer)off her site. I would love to see you stop by and review a couple of our poems. I really miss your input.
We are writing about seahorses at the moment and plan on writing a book for children.
Shalom,
Erick
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Another great chapter my friend. I am now working with Jill (Mrs God's writer)off her site. I would love to see you stop by and review a couple of our poems. I really miss your input.
We are writing about seahorses at the moment and plan on writing a book for children.
Shalom,
Erick
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Thanks, Erick. Thanks for stopping in. You've got grand news! I'll stop by and check out what you're doing. Take care, Bev
Comment from lindalcreel
This was a well written post. The plot was suspenseful, the dialogue crisp and the characters believable. I especially liked the sense of humor of the old priest. I have no doubt there is a demon in the midst. God Help them. I've always believed that good will triumph over evil, but not without some casualties along the way. This was well done. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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This was a well written post. The plot was suspenseful, the dialogue crisp and the characters believable. I especially liked the sense of humor of the old priest. I have no doubt there is a demon in the midst. God Help them. I've always believed that good will triumph over evil, but not without some casualties along the way. This was well done. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Thank you, lindalcreel! I really appreciate your generous and encouraging review. Warmest regards, Bev
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Welcome:)
Comment from bookishfabler
hi, sorry about not reading more of this. I'm an in and out reviewer these days. This was very good evenon it's own. I was captivated from beginning to end and did not find any nits' good job
hugs
Heidi
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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hi, sorry about not reading more of this. I'm an in and out reviewer these days. This was very good evenon it's own. I was captivated from beginning to end and did not find any nits' good job
hugs
Heidi
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Hi, Heidi. Good to hear from you. Thank you for taking time to review my chapter. I appreciate the encouragement and support very much. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from gene roush
This is a nice scene with a good combination of narrative and natural dialogue.
The opening drags a bit. While insightful, I'm unsure of the relevance of the black fly.
There are a couple other places that felt a little awkward to me:
'Extra, un-taxed cash would be tempting.' seems unnecessary
perhaps
'He paused from his writing to check the number. When he realized who it was, he opened a small notebook before answering.' would flow better as 'He paused from his writing -- recognizing the number -- he opened a small notebook before answering.'
This closes well and sets up the next scene.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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This is a nice scene with a good combination of narrative and natural dialogue.
The opening drags a bit. While insightful, I'm unsure of the relevance of the black fly.
There are a couple other places that felt a little awkward to me:
'Extra, un-taxed cash would be tempting.' seems unnecessary
perhaps
'He paused from his writing to check the number. When he realized who it was, he opened a small notebook before answering.' would flow better as 'He paused from his writing -- recognizing the number -- he opened a small notebook before answering.'
This closes well and sets up the next scene.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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THANK YOU, GENE. I'LL CERTAINLY TAKE A LOOK AT THE AREAS YOU MENTIONED. SOMETIMES, DESCRIPTIONS ARE JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SETTING A MOOD. I APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK. BEV
Comment from irishauthorme
Excellent. You kept the tension all the way through your narrative. Your story moved forward at a good pace, helped by expert use of your dialogue. The last line left a distinct impression that something scary is just around the corner.
Good stuff, irish
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Excellent. You kept the tension all the way through your narrative. Your story moved forward at a good pace, helped by expert use of your dialogue. The last line left a distinct impression that something scary is just around the corner.
Good stuff, irish
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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THANK YOU SO MUCH, IRISH. I SURE DO APPRECIATE YOUR GENEROUS AND ENCOURAGING REVIEW! WARM REGARDS, BEV
Comment from jadapenn
Holy crap, Sister Bev, now we're off on another tangent and aimed for the dark world. Poor Oleson has his work cut out for him. Dying to read on to see what the dark demons dish up. Very interesting that St Matidle's parish was once the paedophiles hang out. He probably abused the murderer and now the devil is back to get the church. Much enjoyed chapter. Next!!! :) Loved it. luv jada
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Holy crap, Sister Bev, now we're off on another tangent and aimed for the dark world. Poor Oleson has his work cut out for him. Dying to read on to see what the dark demons dish up. Very interesting that St Matidle's parish was once the paedophiles hang out. He probably abused the murderer and now the devil is back to get the church. Much enjoyed chapter. Next!!! :) Loved it. luv jada
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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HIYA, JADA. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS AWESOME AND VERY-GENEROUS REVIEW. YOU HAVE GOT THE GIST OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. NICE SLEUTHING, MY FRIEND LOL! LOVE, BEV
Comment from poetbear
Solid characters.
Creative and original composition.
Reads and flows well.
Easy to read and understand.
Easy to see why you have many fans!
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Solid characters.
Creative and original composition.
Reads and flows well.
Easy to read and understand.
Easy to see why you have many fans!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much, poetbear. I really appreciate the encouraging review. Warm regards, Bev
