Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Journey"selections for seal submission
17 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Some thoughts are thorough and the many thoughts which you just lay in your writing. You talk about pictures of a guitar man being taken and then you want talking about echoes that need a solid surface to be anywhere decent and a baby crying into a vacuum which is not being crying at all. Just as my review is a run-on sentence so was this poem. Nothing congruent was statistically finite. Almost tempting me to give you a 4 rating. Try again hopefully you'll get it right.
AK
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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Some thoughts are thorough and the many thoughts which you just lay in your writing. You talk about pictures of a guitar man being taken and then you want talking about echoes that need a solid surface to be anywhere decent and a baby crying into a vacuum which is not being crying at all. Just as my review is a run-on sentence so was this poem. Nothing congruent was statistically finite. Almost tempting me to give you a 4 rating. Try again hopefully you'll get it right.
AK
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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thank you for your thoughtful input. I will consider all you have said. mike
Comment from gene roush
This is good.
A journey into the depths.
Lots of great imagery open to the interpretation of the reader. I really liked the spotless dice -- great metaphor.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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This is good.
A journey into the depths.
Lots of great imagery open to the interpretation of the reader. I really liked the spotless dice -- great metaphor.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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very happy you liked this. so very much my style if I have one. encouraged and grateful. thank you. mike
Comment from James Sarzotti
No, I get it, thinks it's brave and meaningful.
Perhaps some pruning, especially once we get to 'and finally/ close to the destination'. That 'd be my only suggestion.
and there is that child's
drawing
of the guy that posed
with that guitar
that all the children loved
for what would a child love
after all << A standout passage for me, perhaps because of its concrete imagery.
Well done. Stay courageous.
Cheers, James
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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No, I get it, thinks it's brave and meaningful.
Perhaps some pruning, especially once we get to 'and finally/ close to the destination'. That 'd be my only suggestion.
and there is that child's
drawing
of the guy that posed
with that guitar
that all the children loved
for what would a child love
after all << A standout passage for me, perhaps because of its concrete imagery.
Well done. Stay courageous.
Cheers, James
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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James, thank you very much. I honestly go completely blank when I look at something with the intent to edit. I'm reminded of the movie "Awakenings". A suggestion is so helpful and appreciated and I am just stuck without one. great and helpful review. thanks again. mike
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You're very welcome. A good peer workshop with a poet whose work you really like can be helpful. There are techniques, but they are arcane and often useless outside of a practical situation. None of us appear to go too deeply here while reviewing free verse. But trust me, in the right workshop situation, one's work can improve greatly. Best of luck.
Comment from TAB_that's me
Well I do feel like asking "what does it mean" but I won't do that to you. Many writers, like myself, write for me with what is inside and sometimes it is not understood by others. I see a man who may be searching for something (himself) and one that gets lost in many grains of sand that is life. I maybe totally off though - lol.
~Teresa~
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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Well I do feel like asking "what does it mean" but I won't do that to you. Many writers, like myself, write for me with what is inside and sometimes it is not understood by others. I see a man who may be searching for something (himself) and one that gets lost in many grains of sand that is life. I maybe totally off though - lol.
~Teresa~
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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Ha! you explain it better than I would. thank you for your thoughtful review. I suppose I don't always understand what exactly is within myself so I just through it out there and hope. mike
Comment from SteveY
I still give it a five rating because it just seems to be your style. But it does ramble on and on a bit without having much of a sense of direction. But that's just me!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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I still give it a five rating because it just seems to be your style. But it does ramble on and on a bit without having much of a sense of direction. But that's just me!
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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I do ramble I'll give you that. Ha! thank you for taking the time to read this and consider it not to mention the benefit of the doubt. mike
Comment from Darkhorse555
from the pictured piece falling down blue on the cobblestones in a frozen ocean you look at the grains of sand time a beautiful piece
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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from the pictured piece falling down blue on the cobblestones in a frozen ocean you look at the grains of sand time a beautiful piece
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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how very encouraging. thank you so much. mike
Comment from Brocha1
my goodness what a journey. Your metaphors are really fantastic.
"that room full of echoes
in search of a solid surface "
"perhaps a frozen ocean
balancing on a needle
that falls through an
endless glass tube
and slides on a single grain of sand
and lost "
the agonizing and depleting search for something beyond the self is excellently portrayed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
|
my goodness what a journey. Your metaphors are really fantastic.
"that room full of echoes
in search of a solid surface "
"perhaps a frozen ocean
balancing on a needle
that falls through an
endless glass tube
and slides on a single grain of sand
and lost "
the agonizing and depleting search for something beyond the self is excellently portrayed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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I am just beside myself that you liked this. this is the most me of anything I have submitted so far. really doin a little Irish jig right now surprised at how good it actually dance. thank you so much. you can see how silly happy you have made me, mike
