The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "My Forebears Starting Poor & Reprise"Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
47 total reviews
Comment from scd41
It is a wrong impression that everybody wants to read only biographies of famous people. The author of 'Workshops for People Writing Biographies' was right in saying"Everyone's story is interesting to someone!" . It is not the greatness of life but how it is narrated to keep readers' interest alive that is important. Would you prefer to reduce the number of sub-headings in the chapters? At times, this could compromise the reader;s curiousity a bit. Like 'First Accident, 'Our Very Own Anthill', 'Dietary Horrors' etc.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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It is a wrong impression that everybody wants to read only biographies of famous people. The author of 'Workshops for People Writing Biographies' was right in saying"Everyone's story is interesting to someone!" . It is not the greatness of life but how it is narrated to keep readers' interest alive that is important. Would you prefer to reduce the number of sub-headings in the chapters? At times, this could compromise the reader;s curiousity a bit. Like 'First Accident, 'Our Very Own Anthill', 'Dietary Horrors' etc.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Hi friend I just put up the MIddle school chapter with rewards hope you have not got there yet. Are you saying the Headings are too much? people felt like I was wandering a bit so I felt like the headings might help. Headings are only a relatively new idea ok. I appreciate your comments very much thanks. Did I see you are in India somewhere or did I get that wrong?
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I think less headings in biographies and novels are more common. Sankey, you are right this time. I am from India.
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OK well will see what the consensus is. It as I said was a very new idea. Idf you have read any of Michael Cahill's stuff he and I are a lot the same we tend to go off on tangents but then some times tangents don't hurt hehe. Will ask in my profile and see what people are saying. You are probably right.
Comment from CR Delport
You are right about that. Even if you think your own life was boring, it will be interesting to someone else. All the experiences and happenings makes for interesting reading. This is well written and makes for an interesting read.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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You are right about that. Even if you think your own life was boring, it will be interesting to someone else. All the experiences and happenings makes for interesting reading. This is well written and makes for an interesting read.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks mate. Did you like the Sub Headings? Did that help to know where the story was going? Hang around for Chapter 2 will try and get it tidied up and up for reviewing today or tomorrow.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Geoff,
Great pic of you!
I love the quote: Everyone's life is interesting to someone.
Your sister married at 15? Was this legal?
This is such a journey down memory lane. I enjoyed walking this stretch with you.
Until next time,
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Hi Geoff,
Great pic of you!
I love the quote: Everyone's life is interesting to someone.
Your sister married at 15? Was this legal?
This is such a journey down memory lane. I enjoyed walking this stretch with you.
Until next time,
Sonali :)
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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She had our parent's assent to the union. I am not sure if she was already carrying John at the time or not. She dod ask if she could marry pat (his first name was John too) and they said "no' so I think she went and got the "bun in her oven" as they say so MUm and dad were forced to agree to the marriage. Thanks for coming by let you know when next chapter is ready to go up- again. Did you like the Sub Headings? I felt that help people to know where things weere going better?
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The sub headings are a good idea - though they make your life a sort of text book... and why not? :)
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Hi mate yeah well it is a bit that way ha! Some want me to make a novel out of this but it is my life story and I always think of a Novel as some kind of fiction. Getting a lot of new folks coming on to help on this round. Hoping to get Chapter 3 and maybe 4 up again in the new reorganized format later today maybe. I guess I did the sub headings to help people stay on course as to where I was goping being a tangent man like Mikey (Michael Cahill) so glad he and I have that in common hehe.
Comment from DSchlosser
Alright! I got to go back through the first chapter. I will try for the others when I get back from taking my mom to the doctor's. Found just a few things in the rewrite of the chapter.
Here: Eventually, we even had the bus service running past our front door, which would never have been so, in the road's former condition.
The comma after 'so' in the sentence can be removed. If you read that section it sounds correct without the pause of the comma.
Here: She was almost 18months younger than me.
You just need a space between '18' and 'months' nothing too major there.
And here: Mr C. the Italian owner of the store, was always so helpful.
You need a comma after 'Mr. C.' Since you're describing Mr. C., it's correct to have the comma after the name.
That was all I found. There were a few things I had to ask myself whether they were grammatically correct or not, but I'm not the most familiar with the English in Australia, so I left them alone. Good job on the rewrite! I was glad I was able to read through and not have to worry so much on errors. I enjoy stories more when I don't have to pause.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Alright! I got to go back through the first chapter. I will try for the others when I get back from taking my mom to the doctor's. Found just a few things in the rewrite of the chapter.
Here: Eventually, we even had the bus service running past our front door, which would never have been so, in the road's former condition.
The comma after 'so' in the sentence can be removed. If you read that section it sounds correct without the pause of the comma.
Here: She was almost 18months younger than me.
You just need a space between '18' and 'months' nothing too major there.
And here: Mr C. the Italian owner of the store, was always so helpful.
You need a comma after 'Mr. C.' Since you're describing Mr. C., it's correct to have the comma after the name.
That was all I found. There were a few things I had to ask myself whether they were grammatically correct or not, but I'm not the most familiar with the English in Australia, so I left them alone. Good job on the rewrite! I was glad I was able to read through and not have to worry so much on errors. I enjoy stories more when I don't have to pause.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Thanks mate. If you look at some other reviews you will see that Leonardo Wild has covered probably a lot of the same areas but you have come up with some new ones. Funny thing is even we writers and as well, reviewers still miss stuff. This chapter is in for a real "make over" I appreciate you jumping in here and will look at your suggestions with Leonardo's as well. We are also in the process of putting the pet sections and medical stuff into the sequences of time relevant to the various pets or health issues. This chapter has had so many makeovers but I do appreciate folks help. I originally went through and did chapters as this one is and chapters on Pets chapter on school chapter on Music etc but find it necessary to pu all the bits in to a time frame. Thanks again appreciate your patience as we get through this.
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I didn't know we could look at other reviews by people on here. I don't know where to see that when looking at things. Well, I'm not asking you to make over the chapter, just giving advice on the grammar. Since it's your book, I don't want to take away from your style of writing. Then it wouldn't be your work, right? Anyway, I'll pop back in and read more. I'm reading a ton of peoples' stuff right now and trying to give them reviews as well.
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No worries I thought most of the review were public. I have had to be careful as sometimes I want to write to reviewers without sharing it all over the site hehe. Than ks again I appreciate your time. Where are you by the way I am in Aussie.
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I am in Springfield, Illinois. I imagine it's really late in the day there, since it's really early here. I'm up early enough to walk the dog and then head to church.
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Lot of Springfields in US I am aware of Springfield Missouri it is loaded with Baptist churches on nearly every corner, and Baptist Bible college where a lot of the American missionaries here come from.
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I think Springfield, Missouri is about 5 hours from where I am. Yep, there is at least one Springfield for every state as I understand it. Missouri can't claim the home of Lincoln though. So, we are known for Abraham Lincoln living here through his campaigning and lawyer years. We get tons of people who come to see the Presidential Museum for him, it's really interesting.
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Hope you are still around. Just coming through here more than 2 years after your comments. Thanks for the heads up on Abe Lincoln. Another great president who got done in. One wonders how long Donald Trump will survive before someone gets him.
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Howdy Sankey,
I'm just now seeing this message after years of being gone. I've been away for roughly 6 years it looks like. I got pretty sick and had quite a few health problems. I published one book during the time, which was a non-seller, but I hope to create a new one that'll draw some attention.
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Thankyou very much for coming by after such a long time. As I am right now getting sorted out with fig nos and pictures for the book I don't plan on going back for yet another edit and you are only able to still see this as someone has once again kindly paid for me to stay on FS for another year where I have been
"leaving" for a couple of years now. This chapter was originally written almost 7 years ago. We have been through a few edits. Thanks again.
Comment from Far North Reader
A great introduction to what promises to be an interesting read concerning Australian life during an era not largely covered in modern literature. Good use of dialogue and enough information to captivate the reader to want to read more. Quite conversational, but could be more formalised in that regard. For example, the sentence, "More on this subject, later....", could be formalised to, "this story will unfold in a later chapter." The writer obviously has excellent memory recall and instills trust in the reader that facts will be accurate.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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A great introduction to what promises to be an interesting read concerning Australian life during an era not largely covered in modern literature. Good use of dialogue and enough information to captivate the reader to want to read more. Quite conversational, but could be more formalised in that regard. For example, the sentence, "More on this subject, later....", could be formalised to, "this story will unfold in a later chapter." The writer obviously has excellent memory recall and instills trust in the reader that facts will be accurate.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Thanks Sis I do appreciate you getting on board. Only sorry all those years ago we did not do more for you in music but glad your sister did go on! Appreciate the review will work on that change you suggested. I know I have a tendency to pre empt stuff but I should not I a=have been told do that. Lord Bless
Comment from Leonardo Wild
Hi Sankey,
There is a statistic that if you are interested in a theme, there will be at least 10.000 others who will be interested in it, too. I'm sure that we all have something to say about our lives, and perhaps each one of us should write a biography (I know I will one day ... to early for that, though).
However, autobiographies are perhaps some of the hardest things to write, as they are so close to our own lives. I saw potential in your piece, but for a first chapter or intro, you went all over the place. It can simply be a matter of style, or voice. Still, when too many topics are touched in a very short span, you risk loosing your audience, or give them the feel that you're rushing it. Not focusing on any one thing will do that.
I found the part of the house--having to get a bigger one--interesting, and perhaps you should consider looking into this as the central piece for this intro. I wouldn't know how to go about it, as I don't know the story, but if you make that the central thread for this first chapter, you will keep your readers informed of what it is you wish to say.
It is good to get it out there, to write as you feel it should come out, but I would suggest you take a topic per chapter that you wish to concentrate on, the most important element, and use it as the pole to tie your horses. Look at all the different topics your wrote about, and figure out which one you wish to concentrate on. Each chapter should be a story in itself, with a core theme around which you make a point about your life. What is the most important part of that particular period in your life that you think is really worth telling, and sharing.
It is hard for me to say what that should be, as only you know, but it's the structure of your story you should look into. Ant-hills and shopping and lizards ... try to focus, that's what I say.
Here some suggestions regarding your text, snags that would need to be looked at if you wish to keep this as it is, though I do suggest that you make a circle around the topic that you think should have a preference--and not make it into a series of things that have simply come to mind. Autobiographies or novels, they are all still stories, and you should consider their anatomy to make them work ... as a story.
--As another plan, upon my arrival my father, who was quite clever with his hands, had organized a bedroom in the attic, for the eldest brother.
>>Awkward sentence construction.
--However, as a result of my brother's fall, as he climbed out of the attic, one time, the plan for the attic bedroom was abandoned.
>>the use of "as' makes this a bit awkward, too, used twice in a row.
--Hence the need for a bigger abode.
>>You mentioned the fact that you were born and that you weren't a girl as the reason for needing a new home. Now you say it's because of the story with your brother almost falling off the attic. You may wish to string these together, not as separate entities. Or choose one. I would say, give various reasons.
--"*on spec".(*see note below)
>>"on spec*."<<
Don't need to say "see note below" and you should also change the location of the asterisk.
--for that era, Including the
>>for that era, including the <<
--or the neighbours.My maternal Grandfather
>>or the neighbors. My maternal Grandfather <<
--We even, eventually had the bus service running past our front door, which would never have happened in the road's former condition.
>>Eventually, we even had the bus service running past our front door, which would never have happened in the road's former condition.<<
--There were, initially, 3 that later became 5 next door, that I had a lot to do with.
>>Odd sentence construction.
--some kidnapper coming along to lift your kids and take them off.
>>some kidnapper coming along to lift your kids and take them away. <<
--He would write the prices of all the vegies and so on on my shopping list,
>>He would write the prices of all the vegies, and so on, on my shopping list, <<
--found them, ...thinking if I just had
>>found them ... thinking if I just had <<
--John, my Nephew and I,
>>John, my Nephew and I, <<
It's also not clear if you mean: John, my nephew, and I ... or, John--my nephew--and I ...
--polished hallway.The flat comprised
>>polished hallway. The flat comprised <<
--young children. We later were
>>Decide whether you want to go with one space or two after a period. Keep it consistent, though.
--to the fact my father did
>>to the fact my father did <<
--was satisfied there was suitable facilities
>>was satisfied there were suitable facilities <<
I think "were" should be here, rather than "was."
--Pity I didn't do as well, much later, as you will read, with Council.
>>Pity I didn't do as well, much later, as you will read, with the Council.<< ??
-- Another time we
>>Another time we <<
--'*Blue -Tongued Lizard'
ditto for the *
At the end of your quotes.
--n the back flat ourselves,
>>n the back flat ourselves, <<
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Hi Sankey,
There is a statistic that if you are interested in a theme, there will be at least 10.000 others who will be interested in it, too. I'm sure that we all have something to say about our lives, and perhaps each one of us should write a biography (I know I will one day ... to early for that, though).
However, autobiographies are perhaps some of the hardest things to write, as they are so close to our own lives. I saw potential in your piece, but for a first chapter or intro, you went all over the place. It can simply be a matter of style, or voice. Still, when too many topics are touched in a very short span, you risk loosing your audience, or give them the feel that you're rushing it. Not focusing on any one thing will do that.
I found the part of the house--having to get a bigger one--interesting, and perhaps you should consider looking into this as the central piece for this intro. I wouldn't know how to go about it, as I don't know the story, but if you make that the central thread for this first chapter, you will keep your readers informed of what it is you wish to say.
It is good to get it out there, to write as you feel it should come out, but I would suggest you take a topic per chapter that you wish to concentrate on, the most important element, and use it as the pole to tie your horses. Look at all the different topics your wrote about, and figure out which one you wish to concentrate on. Each chapter should be a story in itself, with a core theme around which you make a point about your life. What is the most important part of that particular period in your life that you think is really worth telling, and sharing.
It is hard for me to say what that should be, as only you know, but it's the structure of your story you should look into. Ant-hills and shopping and lizards ... try to focus, that's what I say.
Here some suggestions regarding your text, snags that would need to be looked at if you wish to keep this as it is, though I do suggest that you make a circle around the topic that you think should have a preference--and not make it into a series of things that have simply come to mind. Autobiographies or novels, they are all still stories, and you should consider their anatomy to make them work ... as a story.
--As another plan, upon my arrival my father, who was quite clever with his hands, had organized a bedroom in the attic, for the eldest brother.
>>Awkward sentence construction.
--However, as a result of my brother's fall, as he climbed out of the attic, one time, the plan for the attic bedroom was abandoned.
>>the use of "as' makes this a bit awkward, too, used twice in a row.
--Hence the need for a bigger abode.
>>You mentioned the fact that you were born and that you weren't a girl as the reason for needing a new home. Now you say it's because of the story with your brother almost falling off the attic. You may wish to string these together, not as separate entities. Or choose one. I would say, give various reasons.
--"*on spec".(*see note below)
>>"on spec*."<<
Don't need to say "see note below" and you should also change the location of the asterisk.
--for that era, Including the
>>for that era, including the <<
--or the neighbours.My maternal Grandfather
>>or the neighbors. My maternal Grandfather <<
--We even, eventually had the bus service running past our front door, which would never have happened in the road's former condition.
>>Eventually, we even had the bus service running past our front door, which would never have happened in the road's former condition.<<
--There were, initially, 3 that later became 5 next door, that I had a lot to do with.
>>Odd sentence construction.
--some kidnapper coming along to lift your kids and take them off.
>>some kidnapper coming along to lift your kids and take them away. <<
--He would write the prices of all the vegies and so on on my shopping list,
>>He would write the prices of all the vegies, and so on, on my shopping list, <<
--found them, ...thinking if I just had
>>found them ... thinking if I just had <<
--John, my Nephew and I,
>>John, my Nephew and I, <<
It's also not clear if you mean: John, my nephew, and I ... or, John--my nephew--and I ...
--polished hallway.The flat comprised
>>polished hallway. The flat comprised <<
--young children. We later were
>>Decide whether you want to go with one space or two after a period. Keep it consistent, though.
--to the fact my father did
>>to the fact my father did <<
--was satisfied there was suitable facilities
>>was satisfied there were suitable facilities <<
I think "were" should be here, rather than "was."
--Pity I didn't do as well, much later, as you will read, with Council.
>>Pity I didn't do as well, much later, as you will read, with the Council.<< ??
-- Another time we
>>Another time we <<
--'*Blue -Tongued Lizard'
ditto for the *
At the end of your quotes.
--n the back flat ourselves,
>>n the back flat ourselves, <<
Comment Written 04-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Wow you been very detailed in your review mate. Yours is the most comprehensive of the ones I have had. Are you not including spelling errors from an American view or something in some places? As you know Americans cannot spell correctly in Queen's English anyway except for perhaps Boston. Thank will go through all this I appreciate your time.
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Hi again, have printed up your suggestions for changes and I may well take quite a bit of it on board. Will let you know when I do some alterations and work oin the centralising of topic. Might create another few chapters though as a reuslt what!
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Don't get me wrong, Sankey. I do think you have a lot of interesting little stories there. Blowing up ant-hills, the blue lizard, all that is precious stuff! It's just getting lost in a "list" of things you did, where each one merits your full attention.
There are three elements without which you have no story: Character/s + Setting + Conflict.
Even though it's an autobiography, you're still telling a story, and you would have to structure it accordingly. If you wish to have a sort of chronological rendering of your life, I would go in sections (childhood, teenage years, etc.) and each one would have its most outstanding little stories and snippets. Stuff people today think only exists in books like Catcher In The Rye or To Kill A Mockingbird. I believe we each have a book like that in us. You need to find what were the main conflicts that marked your life. Having been born a boy rather than a girl forced your parents to get a bigger house. I'm sure there was conflict there. For your parents, not necessarily for you. And so on.
In this day of the internet and virtual reality, we need to rediscover the beauty and importance of ant-hills and blue lizards and those so very human problems/joys we lived in our childhood. Nature comes in National Geographic and Discovery Channel, and has lost that personal touch which I sense you have and should definitely share!
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Thanks mate I have printed up the spoags and comments you made in the other post will add some of this to that. I already cvommented on my initial blah feelings on you review but then on further examination realize you have made some really good points and I will work on them and put the chapter up again for folks to look at if you will or chapter"s" as it will probably end up being. Appreciate you friend for taking the time in your own very busy schedule. Will print up some more of your comments from here too.
Comment from butchcates
I enjoyed the down home style writing and look forward to more from this author.
I too was from a family who moved a lot as a child and I relate to that part of the story as well as the apparent tight knit family unit and the church going commitment.
Fortunately my father stayed with us and was in fact an Independent Baptist preacher.
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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I enjoyed the down home style writing and look forward to more from this author.
I too was from a family who moved a lot as a child and I relate to that part of the story as well as the apparent tight knit family unit and the church going commitment.
Fortunately my father stayed with us and was in fact an Independent Baptist preacher.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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AMEN friend thanks again FOR THIS FABULOUS REVIEW sorry for the caps not shouting just mad caps lock ok! SO now you read the last and the first chapters hehe.
Comment from seaglass
This is a very good intro to your biography. We grew up about the same time on opposite sides of the globe but interestingly, people are very much the same from deserting dads to lousy renters.
There were a couple of typos you might want to correct.
First paragraph some day (someday) is one word
Paragraph 15- (thise) days (these)
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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This is a very good intro to your biography. We grew up about the same time on opposite sides of the globe but interestingly, people are very much the same from deserting dads to lousy renters.
There were a couple of typos you might want to correct.
First paragraph some day (someday) is one word
Paragraph 15- (thise) days (these)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Hey thanks for that been around a long time and always something new someone finds. Appreciated. See you around thanks for the review.
Comment from Gladness
Interesting reading, my friend, but what about the little dog mentioned in the title? Somehow I missed that part. I remember a three legged lizard, a cat and a nice home with wood floors, but no dog. Maybe it's in the next part. I will be looking for it.
God bless,
Anita
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2014
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Interesting reading, my friend, but what about the little dog mentioned in the title? Somehow I missed that part. I remember a three legged lizard, a cat and a nice home with wood floors, but no dog. Maybe it's in the next part. I will be looking for it.
God bless,
Anita
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2014
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Hi there I am the Little Dog ok. I persist and persist in spite of all the problems I have gone through. This is a figurative dog ok! I a not sure you knew the second part of the Book title is (subtitle if you like) "God Never Lets Go!" Hope that helps. A bit of allegory running through ok!
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Sorry, I can be dense at times. Thanks for helping me out.
Anita
Comment from B. Diehl
I like this a lot; it's an easy-read, which I can almost always enjoy. Also, it's meaningful! Conveying meaning with simple language is a lot harder than it sounds, so I salute you. Please check out my work sometime. :) Take care.
P.S. Enjoy the five stars!
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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I like this a lot; it's an easy-read, which I can almost always enjoy. Also, it's meaningful! Conveying meaning with simple language is a lot harder than it sounds, so I salute you. Please check out my work sometime. :) Take care.
P.S. Enjoy the five stars!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Thanks did I read something of yours recently Thanks for the review.
