The Woman Of Discontent
A weird poem I wrote inspired by Yasue's Surreal artwork.82 total reviews
Comment from Starlit Ink
I've seen a lot of entries for this, and I thought this was a creative twist. You interpreted differently than her being in the sea. I like how you say she is looking on a crazy world. She does seem to be looking down with a dissatisfied look. Free verses with some rhyme was a good format for this. Good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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I've seen a lot of entries for this, and I thought this was a creative twist. You interpreted differently than her being in the sea. I like how you say she is looking on a crazy world. She does seem to be looking down with a dissatisfied look. Free verses with some rhyme was a good format for this. Good luck.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you very much Ink.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A very unusual take on the contest but a valid one. You see her as a disembodied head - I suppose the picture does look a bit like that. Your last two lines I liked 'For it is a world created by - The eternal energies of the imagination'. Good luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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A very unusual take on the contest but a valid one. You see her as a disembodied head - I suppose the picture does look a bit like that. Your last two lines I liked 'For it is a world created by - The eternal energies of the imagination'. Good luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you dorothy.
Comment from ReaThomas
Hi Justin! I really loved this. You have written with a surrealism that is just perfect for the artwork that inspired it. I loved the dreamy element to this as I was reading it. Great!
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Justin! I really loved this. You have written with a surrealism that is just perfect for the artwork that inspired it. I loved the dreamy element to this as I was reading it. Great!
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Rhea.
Comment from write hand blue
This is nicely written Justin. An unusual poem of a psychedelic picture of a lady's head.
Original and expressive, mystical. Most creative with a good visual. Well done.
:)mel.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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This is nicely written Justin. An unusual poem of a psychedelic picture of a lady's head.
Original and expressive, mystical. Most creative with a good visual. Well done.
:)mel.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Mel.
Comment from Debra White
Hi Justin:)
I really enjoyed your take on the artwork.... so different to any other entries I've seen so far for this contest. Amazing interpretation :)
Nice alliteration of strange/sorrow-eyed, clearly/crazy & eternal/energies.
I picked up on a couple of punctuation 'things'... !
'Looks upon a world.' - full stop not required as your sentence continues on the next line.
'A world where the fishes stream through,' - comma not required at this point in the sentence as it interrupts the flow.
I thought your poem was really refreshing and it read very well. Good luck in the contest :) Kindest regards, Debra
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Justin:)
I really enjoyed your take on the artwork.... so different to any other entries I've seen so far for this contest. Amazing interpretation :)
Nice alliteration of strange/sorrow-eyed, clearly/crazy & eternal/energies.
I picked up on a couple of punctuation 'things'... !
'Looks upon a world.' - full stop not required as your sentence continues on the next line.
'A world where the fishes stream through,' - comma not required at this point in the sentence as it interrupts the flow.
I thought your poem was really refreshing and it read very well. Good luck in the contest :) Kindest regards, Debra
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you for your review and your advice Debra.
Comment from RodG
I really like the Speaker's perspective as he describes a strange world as seen by this "disembodied head.". The closest I could come to truly "imagining" this world is to look through the glass into an aquarium and peer upwards. Your ABCB rhyme scheme works well for this kind of poem.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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I really like the Speaker's perspective as he describes a strange world as seen by this "disembodied head.". The closest I could come to truly "imagining" this world is to look through the glass into an aquarium and peer upwards. Your ABCB rhyme scheme works well for this kind of poem.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Rod.
Comment from adewpearl
good use of alliteration in phrases like: strange, sorrow-eyed and clearly crazy
vivid descriptive detail that complements the surreal art work well
effective repetition of "a world"
I like the closing with the eternal energies phrase
Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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good use of alliteration in phrases like: strange, sorrow-eyed and clearly crazy
vivid descriptive detail that complements the surreal art work well
effective repetition of "a world"
I like the closing with the eternal energies phrase
Brooke
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Brooke.
Comment from Gravell
Well done. You did an excellent job writing about this artwork. Your title speaks volumes and your poem flows naturally from this picture. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Well done. You did an excellent job writing about this artwork. Your title speaks volumes and your poem flows naturally from this picture. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Gravell.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, justin, you did an excellent job writing this poem about the gaze of the woman of a world that seems upside down right now. i enjoyed reading it. my only suggestion would be to lose the double spacing of the lines to make more definitive quatrains. i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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this is very well written, justin, you did an excellent job writing this poem about the gaze of the woman of a world that seems upside down right now. i enjoyed reading it. my only suggestion would be to lose the double spacing of the lines to make more definitive quatrains. i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Jax.
Comment from SteveY
Yea I really do like it. Had a crazy kind of natural flow and like you said surreal rhyme and meaning to it. Keep up the very creative writing my friend.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Yea I really do like it. Had a crazy kind of natural flow and like you said surreal rhyme and meaning to it. Keep up the very creative writing my friend.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Steve.
